Feeling lonely

sara-e-poos · Dec 10, 2007 6:57AM

I am here to get how i'm feeling out in the open in the hope it will make me feel better.

Basically I feel very lonely. I have two boys and since having my second child nearly seven months ago I have felt lonely. I've told my partner how I feel but he doesn't really understand.

I live in a small village in the country and no-one is around my age (30), most people are 50+. I have some friends through work and people I e-mail but no-one I can meet up regularly with. I've posted on "netmums" and replied to others posts but with no sucess. I have gone to my local baby and toddler group but all the mum's there are very posh, clicky and have their heads so far up their own arses that if you're not like them (which i'm not) they don't want to know you. So after a few weeks I stopped going.

I go back to work at the beginning of next month, just two days a week and am hoping that will help the way I feel. There is also a local yoga class which i'm going to start going to to see if that help's too.

I'm hoping this is just a phase that will pass.
Thanks for listening/reading.

Sara. $:\$ (

susie2-34726 · Nov 5, 2007 1:13PM

oh my word you sound like you live where i used to!!! everyones so posh!! yes. we have moved back up to lancs now where we know everyone (well obv not everyone). im sure going back to work will help. does your local library run any bounce and rhyme sessions?? we go to ours and its fab and weve been made to feel really welcome its only 45mins a week but its something to look forward to.

KThom122 · Nov 5, 2007 6:24PM

I think you will feel much better when you return to work and I agree that an exercise class is a great idea. I think most mum and tots groups are clicky which is crap coz it puts others off.

If the weather is good why not take the kids for a walk- I know you will still have no adult company but sometimes just getting out and about can make a big difference.

sara-e-poos · Nov 6, 2007 5:07AM

I try and go for a walk every day if the weather is good. We also pop into town once/twice a week just for a coffee so I know other people are around!

sunnymands · Nov 6, 2007 10:39AM

I too am feeling lonely after my partner left me just 3 weeks into the pregnancy. He came back after 2 months to apologise and for me to give him another chance as he said he was freaked out by it all so I did but that only lasted a week and i havent heard anything since. As im due to go into hospital today to be induced I have an overwhelming urge to call him to tell him but my friends say there is no point. Has anyone been in my position? Obviously I will tell him when its born but feel he would be missing out on such a lot but if he isnt bothered what can i do? ps, feeling scared about going into hospital today.

Benjismummy · Nov 11, 2007 11:41AM

Hi Sunnymands i have been in your position i suppose i still am and just lately im finding it even harder to cope im starting to feel even more lonely and sad but i know it will pass and im looking forward to going back to work in april next year!I will tell you a shortened version of my story...me nad my partner spilt up just before i found out i was pregnant but on hearing the news we talked and talked and decided to give it another go but when i got to 3mths we fell out and like you i didnt hear much from him for weeks at a time and i was very depressed and left feeling abandoned really!this carried on throughout the whole of the rest of my pregnancy and the day before i went into labour(i was 2wks early) he seemed to of had a change of heart and was ringing texting me saying he was sorry n loved me and wanted to give it another go we ended up doing so and at first things were good but soon all the old things that ruined it before started happening,the silly rows and the buggering off down the pub or not having any contact for days!we have now since spilt and i really feel it has to be for good this time!He now sees his son on a sat for around 3 hrs and i had to go through the CSA to get any money outta him!we dont talk at all now and his parents come up to my mums house to collect my lo so we have no contact at all which i do think is sad but its his doing really as he turned nasty saying baby wasnt his and im just hurt and let down by him and now im just concentrating on bringing my son up the best i can without him!there i went on abit more than i intented whoops sorry lol!i know it can be hard but i just think of all the other mothers who have done it and i know it cant stay like this forever i hope to meet someone in time and i would love to have more children in time....i hope it all works out for you and i think if a guy can just leave you like he as done now when you need him the most and seem so unconcerned for his unborn child then he isnt worth bothering about!maybe once baby here it could all change but honestly i think you deserve better!like i do lol take care x

Bex · Nov 13, 2007 6:33PM

Well don to all you girls.......My god just read your posts and then it makes me feel very silly for feeling lonely myself with my lo. You are all so brave and you both deserve better. Ive been there myself and I agree with you that if a guy can abandon his child then he is tot not worth it, attttttttttttttttttttttttttt allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.

Jules2007 · Nov 21, 2007 1:36PM

Hi, im jules. Im 30 and found out i was expecting my second baby a week after moving to a new area. I now have 3 weeks left and i have absolutly no one around, my mother is a very cold person and has never taken an interest or been in my life. My sons dad was abusive so i left hima nd have raised my 5 year old son alone for 5 years and did really well. I met a new partner this time last year, we split in march and in april i found out i was pregnant with his child. I told hima nd his response was 'deal with it'. I have tried to remain positive and found a job and then was on sickleave from work as i developed SPD. I had made a male friend while living in this new town and thought he would be a good friend, all he has caused me for the last few months is stress because he told me he liked me and wanted to be part of mine and my kids lives, i said lets see how things go after i have this baby because at the moment i just want to concentrate on this. At first he was like ok no worries then 6 weeks ago he was trying to push this further by being demanding and behaving like a child. It was causing me too much stress so i told him to leave as he was more concerned about himself and his needs than the needs of anyone else. I have tried to get on with things and now its come to the position where i still know no one in this area and there is no one to look after my son when i go in to give birth! My mother ( who doesnt even like me or my son, and sees us as a hinderance in her life... her words not mine!) felt guilty when i told her this months ago and promised she would be there for her 'grandson'. Today i find out she says she will look after him on her terms and there is nothing wrong with me just getting on with it alone and my little boy sitting in hospital on his own while i have my child!!!! In my heart im just so fed up of people letting me down as im a caring, friendly and kind person, me and my son dont deserve to be treated like this.... its difficult being a single mum at the best of times, it just feels like everytime i try and get on with it something else comes along and messes it up.

Im sorry for the long post but just needed to get this out.

j xxxxxx

Benjismummy · Nov 21, 2007 1:50PM

Hi Jules im Sarah i posted earlier as i feel like this at times also!im fed up of wanting the best and not getting it simply because i believe in and trust someone who then lets me down again n again...i am of course talking about my ex n babies dad!even now 3 months after baby was born he still is causing me upset n stress just by not being as involved as i would like and continuning to behave like a silly bloody child!we currently have no contact at all now and i do find it sad but its his doing...he emailed to say he wanted to see his son more and one night during the week for a few hrs and of course i said yes but then ive not heard anything since!argh he just winds me up and i feel like why me?i only wanted a nice family life and now im on my own,my situation is no where near as lonely and as dissapointing as yours sounds as i have a wonderful relationship with my mum and shes there no matter i also have one really good friend who i can turn to if i need to!I still get really down about how things have turned out and its so lonely being in every night almost on my own with just little one for company as at 3mths hes not the best converstationlist lol!I cant offer you any help or advice really but i do know some of how you feel and if you ever wanna chat my email/msn is above in my last post!

Benjismummy · Nov 21, 2007 1:52PM

Whoops!i never did post my email/msn so here goe!lol jenessa@btinternet.com!

Jules2007 · Nov 21, 2007 1:58PM

hi babes thank you for your support, its nice to know that there are genuine ppl out there xxx

Jules2007 · Nov 21, 2007 2:00PM

i have added you on msn but have to go and sort out my son for bed!! will be on msn later

xxx

Benjismummy · Nov 21, 2007 2:08PM

ok Jules maybe we will get a chance to chat later or at some other point!take care x

Bex · Nov 22, 2007 5:46AM

Hi Jules. I think you are a very very brave person and your son will one day look back and think what a strong mummy he had. My mother is also quite a cold person,and i also have 0 contact with her. She is a very very very religious person and because me and my partner are not married she cannot except us living in sin so to speak and so therefore has nothing to do with me or her grandchildren. Shes seen her 8mth granddaughter once

( Tho my partners parents are absolutely wonderful and i constantly turn to his mum as if she were my own. In fact d day after d dr diagnosed pnd I called her and she came over to help me. How about your exes parents,have you tried to have a chat with his mum? after all this is there grandson? or his dad???? I mean the poor kid carnt wait at the hospital,he would prob be scared. How horrible of your mother. Why dont you get a welfare or social officer to come and have a chat with her, dunno if thats a silly idea or not,but someone needs to explain to her that u dont just leave a 5 yr old to fend for himself at bloody hospital.

Jules2007 · Nov 22, 2007 2:26PM

hi thanks for your message, well my sons dad was violent and decided from very early on that he didnt want anything to do with him, this babys dad is irresponsible too and i dont know how to get in contact with his parents, im not sure that they know i even exist!! I spoke to the hospital today and they said that there are facilities where my son can wait with me till someone who i know ( a not very close friend!) can pick him up or at least look after him for me. I have tried over the years to form a relationship with my mother but it has come to no avail. All that happens is my son gets hurt in it. I would have more chance of winning the lottery than someone talking to her and her even listening.... hmmmmm maybe i should put her on jezza kyle lol..... jokes aside thank you so much for replying, my son is a very mature 5 yr old and im hoping that this birth is a bit quicker than when i had him lol...... i have packed him a bag too of things he can do etc and it isnt a place for children but when your a single mum and you havent many people around i guess you dont have much choice really xxxxxxx

Bex · Dec 10, 2007 6:57AM

Hiy Jules hows things going with you. Have you had any luck finding someone to help at d birth. I really feel for you. I hope your feeling a little bit better. Im feeling awfull today. Me n my o/h seem to be arguing all d time recently and its really getting me down. I feel i do soooooooooooooooo much for him and when I ask for something small its such a huge thing. Im starting to feel really unappreciated

Feeling lonely

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