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Hi my husband fell asleep on the sofa with his laptop on he was on the sofa and it was going to fall so i moved it and when i did i saw a conversation he had been having with a woman it basicly said she loved seeing him well i think she was on about the webcam and he agreed she then said she wished she was cuddling him he said me too and at the end of it he said i want you.
im really angry things havent been going well for a while due to different things we have a 2 yr old and a 1 yr old i feel like something has died i need advice on what to do i dont think i want to be with him anymore we have been together 7 years and married for 5 and half years. i also then looked and found an email from her saying she would be in the area soon and would he like to go out.
Does anyone know what i would be entilted to if i leave as i cant see another option at the moment.
i dont know if he has cheated but he has betrayed my trust i just dont know what to do :\( :\?

[Modified by: 2girlywhirlys on 06 April 2010 13:11:17 ]


  • I've not really got much advice but I did not want to r&r you need to sit down together and talk things through ultimately it's your trust in him that's been broken and only you'll know what's right for you and your LO's

    Really hope you manage to sort things either way xx
  • Deleating duplicate - sorry

    [Modified by: Kati&Wyatt on April 06, 2010 04:53 AM]

  • Deleating duplicate - sorry!

    [Modified by: Kati&Wyatt on April 06, 2010 04:51 AM]

  • Hi
    That must of been an awful shock to read something so intimate.

    Obviously you have to talk to him and ask him what it was all about. It could just be harmless flirting that will go no further? However, it hurt you regardless of what they do next. You need to ask him who she is, where they met, and what his intentions are for her and for his family.

    I am not sure what you would be entitled too but I think you would be OK as you have 2 small children to care for. Seek advice from CAB or a fee solicitor?

    Good Luck, hope you get it sorted one way or the other
    d xx
  • that should read FREE solicitor...
  • Honey I'm so so sorry for you - what a horrible shock. I cannot imagine how I would feel if that happened to me.

    I'm not saying that this is the 'right' thing to do - but what I would is check every e-mail, text, go through his pockets etc, generally snoop around and see if there is any other evidence that he is actually cheating on you (I think you should know the full extent of this). Then I would confront him with it.... and see what he said.

    I don't blame you for wanting to end it with him - understandable under the circumstances, but wait and see what his explanation is, and what his reaction to you finding out about it is. It certainly is a betrayal of your trust, and a bad one. Possibly you will need some time to yourself to do some thinking about how you actually feel.

    As you are married with small children, you will have a lot of rights, such as staying in the family home. Give the cab or a family solicitor a ring - a lot of solicitors will give you a half hour free consultation.

    Hugs xx

  • Totally agree you should go to CAB and find out where you stand.

    I don't know the ins and outs but do you own the house or rent, whose name is mortage/lease in etc ? If you leave where would you go, family or need housing ? I think there are loads of things to think about.

    Must have been horrid and a huge shock, I would feeel the same. And instinct is to get up and leave. But you need to talk to him and and find out exactly the situation. And find out where you stand legally.

    Good luck, take care. S x
  • omg linda, i can't believe i just read this!

    persoanlly i wld have to have it out with him, ask him what the hell he thinks he's playing at, especially after what he's put u thru the last few months, how could he be so disrespectful to u after the mess he made....i also know theer was somehting else u weren't seeing eye to eye on any more (i know this sounds cryptic to otehr readers, but obv don't know if u want the dteails out there lol) perhaps u wld be best off seeking soe legal far as i'm awar tho, if u choose to leave ur marital home, ur not entitled to housing, u can find a private rent and claim housing bens, but u wldn't be a top priority for council housing as tehy wld see it as u have made ur self homeless...i can't remeber if u had any other family about, who u cld stay with while u find a place of ur own? or the other option would be to get him to leave, but obviously he may well put up a fight.

    and of course, if u want to give it anotehr go, then by all means u should do so, but just bare in mind this isn't the only issue u've been having with him.

    if i can keep my eyes open tonight i'll be on fb for a chat if u like? sorry i haven't been about much lately, but been falling asleep much much ealier than i used to.

    whatever i decide, i hope it works out for the best for u and ur two beautiful girls.

    take care chick xx
  • Well he went out today at 12:15 and didnt return till 9:15pm he was so drunk he had said he was going to see an old school friend but i saw texts on his phone tonight from her saying come here f**k me and my lips on you xxx so i know hes cheating on me im sure its the first time but i think once is once too many just got to make some decisions nowimage my poor girls i didnt want them to be from a broken family but it looks like that will happen nowimage thanks for all the advice
  • When he is asleep go turn your ghd's on and put them round the cheating cunts c0ck!

    Sorry it wasn't that helpful xx
  • lol made me smile though thanks
  • sorry havent any advice really but just wanted to send you a (((((((hug))))))). hope what ever you do works out for the best. love fi
  • Oh dear that doesn't sound good. If you confront him do you think he will leave ? And if he does is he in a position to support you if you stay where you are ?

    What about any family close by ?

    Baby-princess's advice also made me smile, I'd be tempted I have to admit !! Take care, hugs. S x
  • Hiya - i have been in a similar position to you over recent months (mt post is on page 2 'how do i leave?'. However, i never found completely conclusive evidence that he cheated. We have argued and argued and he will not admit to cheating but still continues to keep messages secret and go out on 'works dos'. I am just waiting for the final straw - and we will split. However, if i were in your position and the texts were more explicit (the one you found) then i would go ballistic - but cant say that i would leave because i am so weak when it comes to the children and not wanting to be a single parent struggling to provide for them. I will leave when my kids are older BUT if you have the strength now then you should kick him out now because it has been awful living with the toughts that he is cheating or cheated and that he wants to mess around. I need the proof you got - so take him for all he is worth because he is a cheating bastard that doesnt deserve his beautiful girls. Please let us know how you are getting on. I know how you feel - when i read texts from him to her saying he wanted to get her drunk and take her back to her bedroom i felt so sick i literally had to stop myself from vomiting. They have no idea what they have done do they? xxx
  • i got her number not sure what to do with it now but the one he met up with is a different one to the first message i found i feel sick can hardly eat but im keeping a lid on it for the moment as i need to visit his family on sun as hi bil is dieing so need to say good bye on good terms im so confused as what to do as tonight i was sat on one of the sofas he was on the other suddenly he got up and come over put his arm round me rested his head on mine told me he loved me and he was sorry he had been neglecting me but thought we had been neglecting each other and how he wanted to share a bed again hes chosen to sleep on the sofa for months now i guess i know why but he kissed me a peck and asked if i loved him i side stepped that then he asked me to promise him i wounld never leave i said we dont know what the future holds i was like a stone and wouldnt look at him he sighed and went back to his computer and turned it on and started chatting to someone as if i dont know who he kept asking if i wanted to go to bed as he wanted to hold me in the end i waited it out and he fell asleep then i looked but hed covered his tracks the chat was closed the messages have been deleted im going to confront him on monday night after i finish work i need to make sure i dont explode but need to see his family its like he was trying to say sorry without admitting what he has done he said im too old to go out and having a blow out i realise what i have here etc even if i didnt know i would know something was up i just dont know what to do
  • im so peed off as im a strong woman and have never let a man treat me this way before if something happened in past relationships i was gone no second chance if we didnt have children i would have been out the door when i saw the first message i think i need to know i gave it my best shot before i break the kids home up but then again its not me doing it its him im so confused sorry to keep going on i just need one big sign saying yes i should leave or no i should stay if only things were that easy
  • Omg this is close to home for me - i too didnt have it out with him for day because the time wasnt right! my friends could not understan how i could carry on doing normal things but inside i was losing it. I wanted to scream at him but held it all in and, like you i felt so angry with myself for letting myelf be treated like it. I think you too have not confrinted him because like me i knew he would deny everything. That only leaves you twochoices - carry on and try to make amends or kick him out.
    I think (as i said before) you have a little more evidence than me (i had late night txts, secret phone calls etc all deleted but found on bill etc), so you have evry right to confront him and feel confident that he is the one in the wrong. When he tried tocuddle you and make up i feel strongly it is a guilty conscience. They know they are doing wrong (my husband denied any wrong doing but why then keep it secret and delete everything), but make excuses up as to what driven them to do it.

    I cant tell you what to do - i have stayed, keep my wits about me and try to get on with life for sake of my kids - but i still dont know if he cheated. Im your position i think i would have asked him to leave for a while to decide what he wants in his life. xxx
  • Well we had a conversation and we are having a break at the very least and will go from there he admitted to talking to those women and seeing one of them but said they are friends which is why its a break at the moment but i dont trust him so we will see.thanks for all the advice and support.
  • eugh am so sorry - that must have been so hard to see x
  • He has looked on my laptop and saw this topic said it was so he could see what i was thinking grrr
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