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I really feel I just want to leave...

I am sitting here crying with my husband snoring his head off in the next room!! I am so sick of his lack of support but constantly telling me that I have a 'very supportive husband'. I have a 2 year old and a 5 and a half month old and not getting more than 2hrs sleep at a time at night so I am somewhat knackered! He doesn't get up as he 'has to go to work in the morning' and doesn't see that there is any point in 2 of us being tired. My daughter who is just over 2 is waking in the night at them moment too and it is me that is getting up to her, she then wakes the baby up and he just lays there snoring. I am so sick of it. We have been arguing most of the day as he moans that we have no money and starts being nasty saying that I live the life of luxury coz he is letting me stay at home to look after our children! Don't get me wrong, I love looking after them and I always wanted to be able to bring them up but he just gets so nasty and quite obviously resents me being at home. I am probably not making any sense but I am just so upset and ready to leave. I look after the children myself anyway, we are struggling with one wage (which he keeps telling me not many people have to do), so what would be different being on my own with them. He keeps asking me if I love him, I used to say yes for a quiet life but now I struggle to say it. I can't believe he can tell me he loves me and then is so damn nasty. I get moaned at for not putting the washing away (he did that today) and that he has supported me today as he has done that and filled the dishwasher up...coz that is obviously all i have to do in a day! I do his lunch, iron his shirts each day (which I also get moaned at for as they are not all hanging in his wardrobe for him to choose which one he wants each morning), cook his dinner for him, even clean his sh** off the bloody toilet! I AM SO ANGRY! I thought being married was a partnership but feeling like I do at the moment is not what I thought marriage was going to be like and I don't know how much I can take! Thanks for listening!!

Replies

  • hiya
    just saw your post and felt like i had to respond.
    I understand how you feel. I'm on maternity leave while hubby goes to work and i cleaned the whole house today for him not to notice. I too feel p*d off that he just comes in from work and goes and watches tv instead of helping me with our daughter.
    I do realise i am at home all day while he works but looking after the baby is work too in it's own way.
    You say you are exhausted - i'm not surprised. Everything is worse when you're tired too.
    Hope things get better for you....

    Lou
  • Oh hun, sorry to hear your feeling this way. it can be hard when you see a different side to them that they cant see. They never do wrong!
    I take it you have obviously tried talking to him about how you are feeling? looking after 2 kids is a fulltime job for you so you should get a rest too. i would definately tell him he needs to help out more as its not helping you getting upset over it like this. if he disagrees then i would have a think about if you really want to carry on in silence like this and just get on with thing for thr sake of it. you deserve better hun, you need a break too!
    hope things work out
    Sending you a big hug!!!!
    Caz x x

    [Modified by: cazzy.w on July 16, 2008 11:56 PM]

  • hi hun, i had the same problem a few months back and told my oh how i felt but his exsuse was "but ive been at work all day" so i made a list of house work, diy, getting up in the night etc and then i wrote who did which jobs. at the end of 2 weeks i showed it to my oh and that is when he realised that i dont just sit and watch tv all day and that beeing a full time mum is a 24/7 job unlike his 9-6 job.since then he has been great he even stays up till 3am if kids are awkae.
    i hope things get better soon x.
  • I know exactly how you feel, I am going threw the exact same thing.

    Do you know anyone in your family who could help/take your children for a while so you can get things done or get some sleep??

    If not tell your husband its gots to change around your house, that our not living the life of luxury and explain why and just say that your not going to take the relationship serious anymore if he doesnt help anything to get him off his backside.

  • well ladies let me tell you 1 year ago i didnt give a shit weather he left stayed did what eva ive since found out he found it so stressfull me being pregnant that is he decided to sleep with my slut of a half sister its only come out now that we sorted things out and i couldnt be happier its shocked us into what really matters i think shock tactics work first thing is first moms have to be happy they = happy children so decide what you want and dont be afraid to say look buster im not happy, u think its easy looking after a baby and not going to work, you try it if youre not prepared to try it or help me when you get home then im not afraid to leave and do it on my own. i know its hard to leave someone but to carry on it bad!!!!! if you both want it then it will work in time but if not make the break now i told other half to decide what he wanted i love him and it wasnt me that caused the hurt he did he told me it was a mistake and he loved me so now we have the best times i belive that was coz we were honest with each other now we can look forward if you carnt bear to look forward then there is a big problem and it usually takes the woman to deal with it!!!! sorry if im being a bit harsh been through the mill lately and from now on im going to say what i think do what i want and be honest with myself!!!!!!
  • was just wondering how you are and if things were any better....
    take care
  • yea me too I am wondering how you are. Bit worried. Maybe everythings okay? Maybe something bad has happened?

    Hope u let us know soon dear.

  • Arr, thanks for your support and it's good to know I'm not the only one feeling like this! I have been ok today which is amazing as Sundays normally turn into a row! I am still very angry and nothing has changed. The day after I wrote this I had been saying to him that I need some support at bed times as trying to get both children bathed and in bed is a bit of a nightmare. That night I was getting my daughter ready for bed and as usual he brought the baby up put him in his cot then picked the phone up. The baby then starts crying, I have my daughter half dressed and I get told that he needs to make a phone call to sort something out. I just asked if it could wait 10 minutes. He tutted and told me that I should be able to cope with both of them and he was trying to sort something out about money (??35 to be exact!). What got on my nerves is that he had already sat and watched TV until his program had finished so what difference would 10 more minutes have made. Again, I am probably rambling but agrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr he makes me so mad!
  • hi. i feel abit down myself at the minute. i have 4 children under 9 and 23wks pregnant and live with a partner who puts work first. working shifts i never saw him and may as well be single. hes come and gone a few times as it suits him but this week its got me down. i look after the kids 24/7 do all the housework and he just goes out after work to do things when i never get any help. the kids finished school last wed and are already bored but i dont have a car to get out and theres nothing around where we live to do for them. it came to a head yesterday when he went work and didnt come back again blaming his mum who was sick. (we been togethre 6yrs and ive met her once and the familynever. its like were a secret the excuse being his family dont care and his ex lives next door to the mum being the sisters best mate). i dont believe him and he has no consideration for me or the kids. (the youngest 2 and baby due are his). he knew we have a holiday and he uses work as an excuse and im sick of it. anyway he text and i told him where to go and mean it. the kids are bored so been playing up but he does what he wants when it suits. ive had a good cry and its hard when im alone but i am anyway. i used to think the world of him and he took the mickey. when he goes it doesnt matter as long as im looking after the kids with no life. im sick of his selfish ways jumping to everyones tune but never there for me. hes only been back 3wks from the last rgument and i didnt want him back then cause nothing changes. i cant live this life. i have alot on my plate at the min as i have bad neighbours which is getting me down too, no family and no mates as such. i had the kids and im happy most of the time but hes taking the piss too much. my advice is dont let it get to this point and it may not get better if he wont change. mine? he can have his job, fsmily and twats. when it really is ill and dying i know whos going to get lumbered out of the 5 siblings. Him!
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