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Feeling really down

Hi,
Its been a while since I was on here I feel abit like I have no right to post but just need to have a waffel.

I had a MMC last June but was bleeding and in and out of hospital for 3 months so did drag on a while.
So all that stopped around September, then in November I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis which I have left a thread about, Im on treatment and lots of painkillers but it has put a BIG stop on our TTC again.
The reason Im on today is our neighbour has just had a baby and brought her to the school bus, it was a big smack in the face oue lo was due in January and I thought id sort of gotten past it but I guess not, I think whats upset me is more te realisation that i cant ttc again in the near future if ever if the consultant puts me on different meds.
I am truelly blessed to have 4 great kids but we were so excited about number 5 and now its like everything is going wrong, in september my youngest is starting school my house is going to be so quite and empty during the day Ive had someone around for the past 15years Im not looking forward to it.
I am on antidepressents been on them for 3 week so I know they still need time to kick in.
I miss the life I had planned and i cant see a bright future for myself...............

Sorry to go on I dont expect any replys as im never about to offer support theses days, just need to put it down somewhere, I cant talk with my DH as hes away till the weekend and only ever get the weekend at home and I dont want to upset him or feel guilty about having to go away for work.

Vikki

Replies

  • Hi Zoey,

    Thanks for the reply, I cant get pregnant on the meds due risk of damage to the baby, plus im in no fit physical state to carry a baby.
    Ive sort of spoken to my hubbie but not today we agreed to try and get my RA under controle first I just feel like its never going to happen.

    I was sorry to read about your triplets, I saw your scan says your having a little girls and you cant bond with her because you so want a boy I was that way with my 2nd I wanted a girl but found I was having a boy I couldnt bring myself to buy things or bond with him he was nothing but a pain in all senses!, I breastfeed my first and I couldnt bring myself to BF this one but about 3 weeks after he was born he smiled at me and it was like a big bolder had been lifted off me, as much as I wanted a girl he was here for a reason and now 10yrs on Im so glad I had him I went on to have a girl and shes such a daddys girl!, but he loves been with me.
    Im not telling you everything will fall into place some people have to work at it all im saying is you are not the first person to feel this way and that hopefully you will go on to have a little boy in the future and your daughter will be there to help you and play with him, she may even turn out to be more of a tom boy than youd like! and I like to think you will in the end have a very special bond with her, please talk to someone about it, your Dr or MW I bet its a common feeling plus the fact you have suffered bascially a MC at the same time as been pregnant is something that I can only guess is very very difficult to deal with.

    Thank for replying, Good luck with your baby
    Vikki
  • I think ive more chance of getting blood from a stone than advice from consultant!, but I will try in April when I go back, n as ffor getting healthy not know what there is that I can do on that score othere than stop all the meds but then id be crippeled!!
  • Im off to see my Gp 2morrow about my physio but she has already told me to forget ttc for between 12/18mnths so maybe this time next year, but you know whats it like a year is along time to wait and even then theres no guarenty that all will be ok with me to go ahead and ttc....
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