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cant stand it anymore want to leave

hi girls,

i just need a good moan. i have no one else to talk to. i am 26 weeks pregnant, and am feeling so miserable. not because of the baby (hes all i have ever wanted) but because of my partner and his family. ever since we first got together 4 years ago, they have hated me from day one, never tried to get to know me, and certainly made no secret of the fact they dont like me. i am made to feel uncomfortable everytime im near them. we are just different types of people if you know what i mean.

eg i come from a respectful family, they are what could be labelled as 'rough'. they are out every weekend getting 'hammered' and my partner just seems to follow them like some lost puppy. there has been no end of trouble and arguments with them as they have tried time and time again to split us up.

every single time we go to a family do together, i seem to get 'targeted' and i always end up being attacked verbally, and insulted. a few occasions this has happened, and my fiance has sat by and said nothing. his reason for this? he wasnt in the room at the time, therefore he cannot 'take sides' as he can not be certain what was said. i am his wife to be and mother of his child.. but he cant 'take my side'!!!!??? he has admitted he is scared to fall out with them as it causes so much friction in the family, and so he would sooner sit by and say nothing while his family attack his wife to be.

so a few times we have nearly split over it. anyway thats the basics. so much more but would be all day trying to explain. i have got to the point where i shudder when he tells me there is a family do. i feel i could burst into tears as im so scared to go, cos they all get unbeliveably drunk and start hurling insults, usually at me! and he doesnt defend me. plus im not good enough for him apparantly cos 'i dont drink and am a goody two shoes' OK.. I DO DRINK, but last time they saw me was at christmas when i has a severe throat infection and was on anti biotics to treat it, and was warned by my gp NOT to drink alcohol, and the time after was for his dads birthday barbecue, when i had just found out i was pregnant. (we arrived at 4pm after work and people were falling over, shouting in the street absoultely sh*t faced) so beacuse i dont put my health or my unborn childs health at risk, im not good enough for the family due to the fact 'i dont drink'.

so the point! family do this weekend. we have been asked to go. i pulled a face when my fiance asked, which i really shouldnt have done, cos i have caused a right stink now. he has just gone off on one about how 'i have to accept his family' and 'im sick of this come if you want but if you dont come i will go by myself' and i know he will. i asked him 2 days ago for us to attend my friends wedding in sep.. and he said no we are not going. so thats that. i do not have room to argue its just final were not going. but if i say im not going to his familys.. he will go on his own.
No support for me, no nothing. i dont think he loves me and im wondering if its at all worthit anymore :cry:


  • hun dont want to r+r -

    have you both sat down and discussed it between you?

    Its not fair for you to feel like that at family gatherings, and I think he needs to understand that and should as your other half x

  • does he not realise you and the baby are his family, regardless of wether he is in the room or not you should be his prority,

    before i got married i had to sort this out as he always put his mothers feelings first no matter how that made me feel, i made it very clear that if i did not come first then i would not marry him,

    it sounds like he need to grow a pair, i would sit him down and make it crystal clear how they make you feel and that it will not be tolerated anymore, if he is not willing to put you first then the baby is not likely to rate any higher either, give him a chance to explain himself, if he is not willing to put you and the baby first he might need a realisation like kicking him out x

    hope you can sort it out
  • I would tell him i'm not going to ANY more of his "family" do's just to be attacked and let him go on his own and I would go to the friends wedding on your own (or with lo) don't miss out because he said no!!
  • I agree with michelle....DON'T go to anymore of his family dos...who needs it. If he doesn't like your attitude explain once more that it is not acceptable to be the brunt of a bunch of drunken t**ts verbal abuse.
    I once dated a guy who's family sound just like that. i remember being sat in a rough pub on Christmas eve, watching them fall about the place and pick fights with any one including each other. I got abused and told i was too stuck up for their precious one, yet not good enough Ha! I decided then it was not worth the hassle, we stopped dating, but have remained friends, this way i don't have to see his family. His current partner now compains they treat her the same way.
    I know that with a bubby on the way its not as straight forward but you need to think about the long term consequences...will your child have to bear witness to her daddy's family being mean to mummy?
    Whatever you of luck

    take care

  • Hiya, You're in a relationship with the bloke not his family, I can't stand the audacity of people who judge others. If he isn't going to stand up for you now then he most likely isn't going to do it when baby is born you don't want people sl*ggin you off in front of your children. Tell him to go to his family dos on his own and that you don't need the stress of being around a load of drunk rowdy people family or not besides it isn't fun when you're not drinking and everyone else is. Your friend's wedding you really need him to go. Is it his friend or yours or both? If it is his mate then there isn't much you can do but if it is your friend tell him you are going and why should you miss out don't let a bloke dictate to you. He wants you to endure his family but he doesn't want to do what you would like. Drive or get to the wedding yourself and have a good time and TRY AND RELAX xjx
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