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Help hubby's depression returning-wont see GP

nikkiyorkshirenikkiyorkshire
in Relationships
Ive been putting this off for months but now feel at the end of my teather. my husband has become unbearable he suffered a breakdown in 2007 and after recovering and returning to work, decided to come off medication. he did it with GP advice but i think it was far too quick. hes drinking too and doesnt go a day without it. he is foul to me and calls me obsene names infront of our daughter including the F and C word its horrible and makes me feel so degraded. i have noticed his temper getting worse and this morninghe kicked the crap out of the bookcase at 7.30am cause i told him to stop telling me to Foff outside my daughters bedroom.

My daughter and i need abreak from him we never have any fun anymore, but i feel guilty about boooking something cause he works hard, but he pisses me off so much when we go anywhere he always makes a big deal out of things. where to eat etc...

He wont do anything round the house anymore and i think he actually enjoys being unkind to me, he said its not his fault im completley useless. ive tried holding this family together for 3 years i have taken on board everything bills, moving and our daughter. im exhausted i know he hates me and wont leave cause hes no where to go. im scared he will flip one day if either of us winds him up too much i know its the depression but he refuses to go back on medication and wont see doc. What on earth do i do???

Replies

  • dappytartdappytart
    Sorry I don't have any advice as I have never been in this situation but I didn't want to r&r. From your message, I think you know in your heart of hearts that enough is enough. I know he is ill and depression is a hateful illness but you have to put you and your daughters' mental health first. Have you got anywhere you can go?? Are there any family you can go to for help? You really can't stay in this situation. Maybe you leaving will be the thing he needs to make him realise he needs help.
    Sorry I'm not much help. I hope i haven't offended you. Good luck xxx
  • nikkiyorkshirenikkiyorkshire
    thankyou so much. anywords to make me feel this isnt just in my head are much appreciated. today is definatly a day of thinking. ive joined sane.org.uk. ive a post on there under whiby1 it give more info on my situation. thanks eveyone xxx
  • CarolynB3CarolynB3
    Hi Nikki - Mind are a really good organisation too. If you live where I think you do (your post on sane, with a 't' missing' then you could give the Scarborough one a call 01723 588008.

    I had a friend who was very depressed and they did help me to help them.

    The only thing I would say is that I feel it should be him leaving the marital home, rather than you. Though not sure of the best way to make that happen. Are you able to go to the doctor to discuss it? You have to put yourself and your daughter first and until he is acting in a rational way, then it has to be safer for him to be apart from you both. I am sure either Sane or Mind will help you find a way through this.

    Take care.

    C.xxx

  • denise007denise007
    No wonder your at the end of your tether having to put up with his verbal abuse all day. Have you told him how you feel recently but he sounds like he wouldnt really take on board what you were saying. Can a friend or family member maybe try to persuade him to go to the doctors. I hope things get easier soon and we will all be here to support you through this difficult time.
    xxx
  • louglalougla
    The first thing I notice from your post is that although your husband's behaviour sounds really horrible, you aren't being horrible about him which is nice. He definitely sounds depressed and close to becoming an alcoholic and although you really want to help him, he needs to be willing to help himself first.

    Do your/his family know anything about what is going on? How old is your daughter?

    I came from a "broken home" in that my father was an alcoholic and although I loved him dearly I remember growing up with that in the background and really it stays with you.

    You sound like a very strong woman and I wish you all the best with this.
  • nikkiyorkshirenikkiyorkshire
    just a quick update... we ended up leaving on 30th june and went to a refuge it was the only place i could stay indefinatly.
    3 weeks later im a changed women i now know that i didnt deserve any of the emotional abuse i was being given.
    and he really has some issues to address hes back on some new medication and is already a different man. he will be having councelling for some childhood dissues and we are seeing relate.
    he will also do a mens programme to learn how to have more respect for us.
    but seeing him actually enjoying our daughter for the first time in 3 years brings a tear to my eye. i hope it last!!!;\)
  • LoukadLoukad
    Ahh just read this post and seeing the outcome has brought a tear to my eye. Really hope all works out for you & your lo hun xx
  • denise007denise007
    It sounds like your OH is working on his problems and thats great. I hope things work out the way you want them and that you can be happy again.
    xxx
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