🚨 Advance warning 🚨 This forum will be closing on 1st May – please see our pinned thread for more information.
Being selfish??
Hello everyone
Well i am 32+2 weeks and not had the best pregnancy in the world so far. I feel crap most days and the only thing keeping me going is the thought that soon ill have my baby and hopefully i will start to feel better.
However, my sister has just decided that she is getting married on the 30th November (im due 1st november). Now i am really happy for her as she has been through a horrible marriage before and i think her future husband is lovely. But i have been trying to get things organised for babies arrival and when ask family for help with doing things they are sometimes a bit reluctant but now everyone cant help her enough. I just feel that she is taking this special time away from me (i have always been 2nd best as im younger). This is why im saying am i being selfish?! To top it off me and OH are planning our marriage for next year, end of august beginning of september and she announced yesterday that they are going to start trying straight away after wedding for a baby (again i am really pleased that they want to ahve a baby). My problem is that i really wanted her as my chief bridesmaid which she still will be regardless of her being pregnant or not but i just know that everyone is going to be helping her loads and forgetting about my wedding.
I have never been able to do anything and get any praise from my parents, as i started my nurse training and then my sister decided she wanted to too, i have a baby and she decides to get married not long after and now she decides to try for a baby so that it will be due around the time of me getting married.
IS THIS ME BEING REALLY SELFISH?? is it the hormones............??
As i say i am REALLY happy for them both but i jsut feel like im being pushed out yet again.
Sorry for going on but i just feel so down.
Well i am 32+2 weeks and not had the best pregnancy in the world so far. I feel crap most days and the only thing keeping me going is the thought that soon ill have my baby and hopefully i will start to feel better.
However, my sister has just decided that she is getting married on the 30th November (im due 1st november). Now i am really happy for her as she has been through a horrible marriage before and i think her future husband is lovely. But i have been trying to get things organised for babies arrival and when ask family for help with doing things they are sometimes a bit reluctant but now everyone cant help her enough. I just feel that she is taking this special time away from me (i have always been 2nd best as im younger). This is why im saying am i being selfish?! To top it off me and OH are planning our marriage for next year, end of august beginning of september and she announced yesterday that they are going to start trying straight away after wedding for a baby (again i am really pleased that they want to ahve a baby). My problem is that i really wanted her as my chief bridesmaid which she still will be regardless of her being pregnant or not but i just know that everyone is going to be helping her loads and forgetting about my wedding.
I have never been able to do anything and get any praise from my parents, as i started my nurse training and then my sister decided she wanted to too, i have a baby and she decides to get married not long after and now she decides to try for a baby so that it will be due around the time of me getting married.
IS THIS ME BEING REALLY SELFISH?? is it the hormones............??
As i say i am REALLY happy for them both but i jsut feel like im being pushed out yet again.
Sorry for going on but i just feel so down.
0
Replies
I don't believe that you're being selfish.
Have you ever said anything to your family or sister about how you are feeling? I know this is easier said than done, because I'm rubbish with confrontating people about how I'm feeling. Families hey, can't live with them, can't live without them.
Sorry to hear that your pregnancy hasn't been that great, I hated my three pregnancies and had really bad aching joints, but had pretty good labours, with no problems, so maybe the same may happen to you.
Take care
I'm going to be really honest when answering this but I am aware that sometimes i don't phrase things in quite the right way so don't be too offended!
I don't necessarilly think you are being selfish but I do think you should stop feeling second best to your sister, because you aren't second best! Families are really difficult things to live with, mainly coz you can't choose them but don't waste your life worrying about what other people think of you and what they do for you - you are just using up vital energy you could be conserving for you and little one.
Ignore your sister and just let her get on with her life and you get on with yours, she probably doesn't even realise you feel overshadowed by her. She can only take away these special times for you if you let her.
Be happy and excited by the new life you are embarking on with your baby and soon-to-be husband because when you focus on that, you won't give a stuff what she's up to and who's helping you out organising the weddng etc.
Families will never match up to the expectations we have of them, and years of experience tells me that when I stopped trying so hard to get attention, help, support and praise from my family and only relied on myself to make me happier - that's what happened!!
Being as pregnant as you are also won't be helping and I can sympathise there as I am 36 weeks so also feeling uncomfy, irritable and emotional so I suspect that will be playing a big part in the way you are feeling!
You've got so much to look forward to, try not to feel down about everything.
Sorry if this sounds a bit like a lecture, it's just having spent years going through the same thing I can see it from having come out the other side too!
I hope things pick up for you soon
Take care
Tracey