relationship worries

fee_k · Apr 18, 2009 6:37PM

things have been up and down since the birth to be honest. When LO was 4 weeks old i was admitted to a mother and baby unit when for 2 weeks when alex was 4 weeks old for post natal depression. had it quite badly, and not only that had relapsed severely with my bi polar disorder.

am now back on home, and thanks to the medication, which i have responded well to, feeling a lot more like myself. things with me & OH however have been difficult to say the least. he blames everything on my 'illness' and we have been fighting a lot.

i dont want to make any rash decisions, but i think perhaps i made the wrong decision with him. the reationship was so new when i fell pregnant then we dont really know each other, through in a mental illness & a baby and things get even more difficult. he is a good guy & a fantastic father dont get me wrong, but he doesnt seem to understand that we argue because we are basically incompatible, not because of my mental issuse. all my friends who know me, know that i dont need to be locked up in a mad house...

arrrghh , im so sick of everything. still bleeding from the birth so needing an urgent scan to chweck everything is ok there, my husband has told me that he never thought of me as 'the one' and that i am probably going to die alone (lovely).

so lord knows what to know... my gut instinct says to leave him now beforeLO gets any older. but think all couples find it difficult with a new baby in the mix, and with the PND perhaps its just a kneee jerk reaction. do i love him? i love him for giving me my son, and for taking care of me & been a generally good guy - but are they the right reasons?

the only good to come out of all of this is LO. he is the most beautiful well adjusted baby. he has just started smiling, and honestly its the most rewarding feeling that seems to make everything else worth it.

going to turkey for 10days as mum has a place there. think its either going to make or break our relationship! when we get back im planning a trip on my own with LOl to get away from it all here and get some head speace to think about what Im gonna do next

i so wish i knew what to do as am feeling deeply unhappy & cant believe my life has come down to this. especially after everything i did for him.

Sorry ladies just needed to vent!

xxxx'

natashamaync · Apr 15, 2009 2:05PM

I hope that everything works out ok for you, maybe the trip away to Turkey will be good for both of you - help you to forget everything thats been going on.
Just remember though, no-one deserves to be told such nasty things as he said to you - 'you'll probably die alone'. That is just horrible.
Its a difficult time but dont feel like you have to stay together just because of your little one... if your not happy then the baby will sense it.
I hope everything works out well for you...x

terrilove · Apr 16, 2009 7:20AM

natashamaync is right hun, you have enough to deal with without having to worry about the man who is supposed to be support for you. maybe thr trip will help but maybe it will just put the unhappiness on hold for a little while, i was in the same boat. the man i loved is a brilliant dad but doesnt understand me and why we argue, we went away for a bit as a family and everything was good but we came home to the same problems. i am not saying give up but think about what would be good for you and baby in the long run, it wouldn't be fair on you or baby if you are unhappy because they do sense it. i think you are very brave and you will get through this. we are all on here to help each other so you will never be alone. somewhere out there is the person that will make you feel like your the only woman in the world that is important. you deserve better than to be treated the way your husband is treating you.

i hope you work it out and things go well for you x

Babyhiggs · Apr 17, 2009 7:22AM

Hiya,

Since I fell pregnant me and my partner have been arguing so so much its really getting me down. I can totally understand how unhappy it will be making you feel. Its difficult cos although you want to try to stay together and make it work the baby will sense it and thats what i worry about. I never wanted to raise a child alone and I think thats my biggest fear but my friends tell me I can't stay with someone just for the baby's sake.

I fell pregnant like you early on in the relationship and I now think it was too soon and things seem to have gone down hill since then. I'm feeling extremely tearful and anxious at the moment about everything and my OH keeps getting angry at me for it and sayes I'm just nagging. He just doens't understand.

Sorry I know I've rambled on at you but just wanted you to see theres other people in the same boat. I hope things work out for you. Keep in touch xx

fee_k · Apr 18, 2009 6:37PM

thank you everyone for the advice and support, we have decided to TRY and call and truce for the time being and take each day at a time. i want to say that i've given this my all, should it all come crumbling down in the end.

i recognise that this is a difficult period in anyones life, nad through in the additional stresses and you have a recipe for disaster. if everything goes tits up i will not stay with him for the baby, because thats what my mum did & it was the wrong decision - but our relationship does deserve a chance so im going to try & he is going to try to get through what i hope is a temporary test of both of our staying power, and get through this....

Babyhiggs: i know how difficult it is, with all those hormones flying around its soo difficult to find middleground. Men just do not understand the sort of changes a woman goes through both mentally & physically before & after the birth. I guess its harder in our situation where the relationship is still very new, so you dont really know how to respond to each other when you argue - whereas a couple who have been together longer would have a greater understanding of each others personalities. You have every right to say what you think, and he should be supportive, Its just your maternal instinct kicking in & i swear to god i never felt as angry & as upset as I did when i was pregnant - so you are not alone. This doesnt help, but if its meant to be its meant to be. The way I see it is even if our relationship fails, hopefully we can both still be fantastic parents to our baby without having to have to be together, Hold in there - something will give eventually.... (easier said then done, i know)

arrrghhhh, its horrible isnt it? I just feel so twisted & bitter right now & jealous of OH's ex's that its eating me up and destroying us. what is wrong with me? Never felt like this before little one was born!! I love this man soooo, sooo much - in fact never felt like this about anyone else before - but just cant seem to express it, and so it becomes a very sad situation... i hope we can save our relationship, because i would be devastated if we couldnt - there is a whole life for us to live........

THe joys of motherhood. xxx

[Modified by: fee_k on April 18, 2009 11:41 PM]

relationship worries

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