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Rock and a hard place your thoughts appreciated

Hi and sorry its long, just like to see what you girls wld do but tbh dont think there is an answer.

Before arrival of DS3 my mum had the twins once a week whilst i worked and it was fine. then ive been on maternity and she has still had them most weeks. However my sister has been staying with them from time to time and when she is over the boys dont go to my mums, ive kept them and its not been a prob as im on maternity.

These last few weeks my sister has been staying at my parents more, she has a lot of problems so she needs their help but because of these problems i dont like her to be around the boys unless i am there, my mum bless her is too soft so i wont leave the boys with her if my sister is there.

anyway i go back to work in may and the plan was for the boys to go to my mums BUT i cant send them if she is going to be staying. whilst i would prefer them to go to my mums i cld put them into nursery but id have to book it soon, but im not sure what to say to my mum. It looks like im being mean to my sister as im basically saying you have to decide her or my boys. but if they go to nursery my mum will hardly get to see them, and my boys love their gran.

Read it back and not sure if it makes sense but any thoughts appreciated

xxDBxx

Replies

  • Of course your thoughts are with your boys they are your personal offspring and throughout their life whatever happens you'll try and be there for them. If your boy has a problem and needs your personal attention you'll try and help. If another of your sons kids need looking after which is the bigger responsibility to you?

    You own offspring needing help who has no one else to help them as you only have one mum or the children of another offspring who have their mum and would benefit from going to nursery to socialize and intergrate with a bigger community. Your children have you, you sister seems to need your mum and if its so bad you wouldn't leave your own kids in her presence without you being there then she must REALLY need the help.

    Its not a case that they'll never see their gran again and think of your sister, she is your family too.

    Not trying to sound harsh and its not entirely clear but hope that helps, good luck x
  • No not harsh i do agree and thanks for your reply. Its good to see it from other ppls perspectives as im so involved and although i know its wrong and i need to grow up i so sometimes resent my sister as she puts my parents through so much (drugs etc) i can no longer go to them for help.

    I guess my problem is my mum wants to have my boys and will be really upset if i put them into nursery but i cant have them around my sister. So i guess the right thing to do is not to put my mum in that situation and just put them into nursery and say i thought it was for the best.

    The thing is she really wont get to see them, other than when i meet her in her lunchbreak on a wednesday, because of other complications, i wld do anything to see her more, oh i wish it wasnt like this cry

    xxDBxx

  • Hi DB, I think this is a really tough decision, without wanting to pry - whatever your sisters problems are, are they improving? I understand you don't want them to be at your mums while your sister is there and the bottom line is you need to feel ok about where they are while you are at work. Could you put them into nursery for three or six months and then review the situation? if your sister's situation is improving then its possible that in time the boys could go back to their granny's while you work.

    I think you are going to have to sit your mum down and explain that you understand her need to help your sister but for now, its in the boys best interests that they go into nursery, if and when things change you can review the siuation.

    Its a shame that your boys and their granny won't see much of each other for a while but you are doing the right thing putting the boys first and I'm sure your mum will agree.

    I really feel for you DB, if I see any magic wands lying around I will give it a wave in your direction!
  • Thank you for that reply and def keep a look out for those magic wands. We are going to have a chat tomorrow but think nursery it is, thing is im going to have to work 2 days now to pay for the childcare but think its for the best.

    Things with my sister are never ending, and whilst i hope things will improve i dont think they will, she takes drugs and gets into problems money/dependancy etc and then runs home to my parents, who then put there life on hold to sort her out. I know i sound really bitchy but i feel we all make choices and she has to want to help herself and not expect mnd to bail her out, they do everything possible to help her but she wont help herself. I know she needs their support but so do I. A part of me wants to shout cant i just have one day, but i know i have to be an adult and do the right thing, it just upsets me that im gonna lose a extra day with my boys. (and i know im v lucky anyway, have only needed to work one day and two days really isnt that bad just feels like it)

    sorry for the moan i do appreciate your reply

    xxDBxx
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