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Coping with two...or not

Hey was really hoping for some advice from somebody who has had 2 kids with an age gap of around 3 years, my daughter turns 3 tomorrow and I have a 2 week old baby boy, trouble is I just don't know how to cope with two!! During the day I'm constantly worried over whether he will settle after his feed, how long he'll sleep for, if he'll scream his head off for ages etc, and my daughter is getting stroppy because of a lack of attention, I don't have family to help during the day and I feel like I'm going crazy. I just want to hear from someone that has been in this situation as I don't feel like I can cope with it all, I was only just getting used to having one really and now everythings gone insane again! Please if anyone has any advice or can tell me what this was like for them please reply. Thanks a lot


  • My son was 2 1/2 when my daughter was born- it is a struggle at first coz ur eldest is feeling left out. I would try to involve her with the baby tell her its 'our' baby as in your and hers and that she is your special helper. If she wants to help let her feel she is by fetching nappies etc.

    Try to take at least one opportunity each day when lo is asleep to play a game or read with her. It is best to do something that won't last too long tho coz it is unfair to keep leaving her to sort baby- that wud only add to her jealousy.

    Also tell her regularly how special/beautiful you think she is and how shes such a good girl. Posative action from you will bring a posative reaction from her. Don't let her hear you telling visitors shes jealous or anything negative because this will only make her more jealous and if they ask how baby is doing tell them then say and ---------- is such a good girl.

    She will adjust it will just take time and you need to stop stressing be calm and give both yourself and your daughter a chance to settle into this big change.
  • i had my l/o when first was 3 1/2 and tbh he never really felt left out so i didn't have that prob. but he had nursery in the afternoons which i think was good for him and for me and l/o to have a nap!
    it's only been 2 weeks for you it'll take time to adjust and get yourself into a routine again and your prob. not getting much sleep at the mo. so won't be helping matters. things will get better for you i'm sure! have you told your hv how your feeling? i really started to struggle with everything when i went back to work and had to deal with everything else as well and have just been diagnosed with pnd!
    i know the first few weeks are always stressful so try not to worry too much, happy birthday to your dd xx.
  • Thanks for the advice, i'm being put on medication from the doctors for PND which doesn't really surprise me lol, I'm just finding things soooo hard at the moment because I'm pretty much on my own all day from 8am until about 3-4pm with the baby and my daughter as husband looks after him at night for me so needs sleep in the day and the little one won't settle atall for more than an hour (sometimes I'm lucky if I get 15 mins out of him until the dummy falls out of his mouth) although saying that I just put him down and let him cry it out for 5 mins (seems mean when hes only 2 weeks old but hey) and he seems to have settled now even without having the dummy in his mouth! Typical. Trouble is I can't spend 15-20 mins settling him down and leave my daughter on her own as she goes on a rampage and wrecks everything lol, and I can't take her upstairs with me as then she runs about and makes so much noise she wakes daddy and/or the little one up! Just feel like I need someone around during the day and that isn't really an option when I don't have a spare fortune to pay for a maternity nurse lol. Oh well hopefully the medication will help soon so I start to feel more able to cope with things a bit better, I know things will get better eventually but its that magic word 'eventually' that I don't like! Anyway enough of me rambling and thanks again

  • hey silverthorn, i've been on my meds for 3 weeks now and still not working, so let me know how you get on xx. (what did they give you? i'm taking citalopram (sp?)
    i stick my older one in front of the t.v when i need to get something done where he's not running around! i know thats not the best advice but if it means you get 5 mins peace!!
    did l/o stay settled asleep without the dummy? maybe it's not worth having it if it wakes he up... another thought i had was do you go out during the day? does l/o go to sleep in his buggy? and dd would like it and might tire her out!
    know you didn't ask for my advice but thought i'd share image
    (email me too if you wanna chat)
  • I've changed the little ones milk now to one for hungrier babies and I'm not sure but he seems to be settling down just a little thank god lol, hopefully it'll last! They put me on Prozac I had Citalopram when I suffered with depression a few years ago and it didn't work for me, if you don't feel its working then tell your GP and insist that you want to try something else as meds should start to work within a couple of weeks, hopefully the prozac will work for me, as I'm still feeling like I can't cope, I'll get there eventually I know its just when is the question, better yet discovered today I have an infection in my c-section scar and have been put on bed rest for 2 days, not exactly possible with 2 children (well if you count my hubby then 3 lol), Oh well these things are sent to try us I suppose image Thanks for the advice btw couple of ideas I hadn't thought of, lo seems to be starting to be able to keep the dummy in his mouth better so hopefully it'll stay that way lol.

    Take care and let me know what the doc says about your meds image

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