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My sister kats on the fone slagin me off callin me a stupid bitch and stuff, Iv had to share everything with her since she was born and now iv finally got my own space iv got to share that with her too. Shes just sed shes got no wher else to go but she nos i dont get any money for her im spendin my inheretance money on her stuff iv got no space in my flat cuz she had to have graces (my 2 year old) room so now she sleeps in my bed i cant move cuz of all the stuff. she makes endless amounts of washing up i do all her washin cooking and cleanin im basically her mother iv done more for her than our mother who left me to look after my 2 sisters years ago and this is wot i get. She moved in cuz our dad died i think about him every morning and every night i miss him so much he was the only one there for me i cant live like this any more i dont want to share anything else with her i want something thats mine that she cant have, am i just being selfish? I can here her still going on about me shes only in the next room and my ears really are burning i didnt no that was true, we dont speak there is always this big awkward mess between us and she is being so horrible about me i cant write it. I just had to get this of my chest i have no one i can talk to

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  • P.s. Im only 19 i didnt want to be her mother i wanted to concentrate on my baby i dont want to be a mother of 2
  • Oh hon.

    How old is your sister? She sounds like a very spoilt unhappy girl.

    I don't think you're being selfish at all, I think actually you probably need space by yourself, to grieve your dad and to bring up your baby.

    If for no other reason you need to have a happy home to bring your lo up in. She doesn't deserve to have her home turned into a war zone and neither do you. I personally would be asking her to leave, unless you would like her to stay if she changes her attitudes? Maybe it's ultimatum time?

    Good luck hon, be brave.xx
  • Oh hun, you sound like you have so many worries at the moment.
    How old is she?
    Now, if you dont mind me asking is your flat owned by you or the council??? If its a council place then she has to leave asap due to it being bad for you as they can evict you for letting someone else live there.
    If its your flat then is she paying you? does she help around, food etc???? if not why not? does she get benefits? If she is under age then she must be able to get help from SS, if she perfectly able to look after herself(18+) then she can apply for housing/help through housing people...they will give her a bedsit at least.
    If you wont/cant ask her to leave then she should pay her way...everyone should family or not...ok?
    Right then, sorry this is all sounding a bit harsh but as you so rightly put it you are a mum of one and need to concentrate on that.
    All the hassel you sound like you are having from your sister may well lead to you not dealing with your grief about you father. Things need to be sorted, dont be scared to do what you think is right even if that means chucking her out , She sounds like a pretty resorceful type of gal and if shes willing to slag you off does she actually deserve your help......hmmmm I dont think so.....what about your other sister if shes doing the bitching too they deserve each other(sorry)
    If there is tension and you dont talk it seems like shes taking you for a ride hon, I would seriously make her leave asap, as I said dont be scared she has NO RIGHT being in your flat and being dissrespectful.
    Even if she turns on the waterworks and crys thats shes sorry it probably wont be genuin anyway. Think about your future and let her dig her own hole.
    Sorry very harsh but I had a similar experience and wished id done something sooner.......make her leave its for the best.
    Take care babe, Email at bottom if youd like to chat.
  • Oh babe, im sorry its so bad, how old is your lo?

    I think you should go and see your doc and talk it through with them as well, they can havi ideas of where she can go or give you ways of making a contract with her if you want her to stay, i dont know what your financial situation is or how old she is but there should be ways she can contribute. the citizens advice bureau are also very helpful.

    thinking of you
  • She is 17 and in the sixth form at school. She gets ??30 ema which she keeps shes also applied dor income support but i dont think shell get it as im her carer. My flat is privatly rented and checked its ok for her 2 b here. I also have panic attacks and agraphobia and emetophobia so i can rarely go out so i couldnt move yet however the buildings being knocked down in a year so i have to then. I get child tax cred for my daughter whos 2 and the only thing that keeps me goin! So i have applied for tax cred for my sister 12 weeks ago but still herd nothing thanks for all your support its greatly appreciated x x x
  • Hello Emma,

    YOu sound like a exceptionally generous and very good natured woman who doesn't deserve to be treated like this. You need and ought to have your own space and a little place of refuge from the world, as does your little one. I know how much you feel you are obliged to help your sister but frankly your little one has to come first and your sister is making the environment unhealthy. Anyone who bad talks mum isn't a good influence on your little one and they have to change their behavior or find a new place to live imo. You need time to heal and grow as a family. I hope you find a way to settle this situation which suits you... also note I believe if your sister went to the council with a letter stating you didn't want her living with you, and that she was "homeless" they have a duty to house her asap.

    Best wishes

    xx
  • Yes, I agree with Hedgie, you shouldn't feel obligated and if you write a letter for your sister to take to the council saying you're kicking her out by a certain date, then they'll have to find her somewhere to live.

    It's one thing helping a relative out, but quite another when they're being so badly behaved and downright disruptive. What's emetophobia? Sorry, I know what the others are (I have panic attacks aswell and they're truly awful) but I've never heard of this.

    xx
  • Hi everyone thanks very much its comforting to here what you think and have your support the thing is my mum kicked me out when i was 14 and when i did live with her i was mother to my other sister whos 11 now and this one so shes kind of the only family i have also i know how it feels to be kicked out of your home. Emetophobia is the phobia of being sick or feeling ill and not being able to look after everyone cuz of it x x x
  • Oh ok, I never heard of it. It probably is pretty obvious why you developed that though hon, given that you were looking after your sisters from such an early age. Way too much responsibility for a young girl. You've done brilliantly chick and I hope it all works out for you. Perhaps you have to get really strict with her regarding her attitude towards you and give her the ultimatum of either towing the line or getting out?

    Hugsxx
  • She is 17 and in the sixth form at school.

    If you send her to the council with a letter stating that you are evicting her they are obliged to rehouse her. If you do that you will be doing her a huge favour because once she turns 18 they won't have anything to do with her except stick her on the list unless she's pregnant.
    My son is 18 now and I wish I'd done the same last year because he's dreadfully hard work and rude and obnoxious with it but he can't leave home because he has nowhere to go.
  • Honestly I am with liquorice I would have her out on her bottom and give her a chance to see how cruel the realy world is then she might appreciate what you have been doing for her.
  • hi emma you should get tax credits and child benefit for her my brother lived with me till he was 19 and was in fulltime education till 20 and i got both i agree with what the others have said write to the council as when i split with my ex the council said he should apply for a place of his own instead of with me hth
    claire x
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