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Found out yesterday

Hello.

I found out yesterday evening that I am pregnant. My last period was at the start of June and when it didn'tshow up in July, I didn't panic as I was just about to go on my hols and my pill (Noriday) had caused me to skip a month a couple of times in the past. It didn't show up at the end of my July pill packet either and as, abr the very occasional miss, I was regular on the pill (every 28 days without fail) I knew something was amiss. Pregnancy didn't seem like the logical option though as my boyfriend and I have always taken the extra precaution of using a condom as well - the chances of both of them failing seemed too high to be possible.

Well, we were wrong and now we're both in a fix. I saw my doctor this morning, who has agreed to do a hospital test as conception has happened in exceptional circumstances, but pregnancy has basically been confirmed. Our relationship is wonderful, and serious, but we're both only 22 and we live long-distance (Midlands and South Yorkshire). We have told my mum, who is in as much shock as us two and I feel so guilty for placing this burden on her shoulders.

I'm completely torn. When considering the possibility of being pregnant, I basically made up my mind that I would keep my baby, even though I knew that I hadn't consulted my boyfriend about it. Now he knows, and he's so confused and frightened, like I, that he wants to have a termination as he says we're not ready. Mentally, we're probably not - is anybody? - but we both have good jobs and we love each other very much - it's breaking my heart to see how much this has shaken him.

Abortion has always frightened me - I went to a catholic school and of course, I was taught certain 'rights' and 'wrongs' about how to deal with pregnancy. I have made myown decisions about how I feel about pregnancy and abortion and I have sympathy for women who make the decision to end a pregnancy - it just has been something that I thought I would never have to do. I now find myself contemplating removing the presence of this child in my life and its turning me into a wreck. If I had my boyfriends' support, I would be anxious, but happy to carry this child to term and to bring it up as well as we both can - I think we'd do a fantastic job.

... But then I give myself a reality check and I see myself this time next year and wonder where I'll be, whether I will actually be doing a fantasic job and wondering if I made a big mistake. My boyfriend keeps saying he won't leave me, but who knows what's going to last forever? The thing that's tormenting me the most is that our relationship will die, when it has been the happiest time of my life. At the moment, I doubt we'll survive a pregnancy and I doubt even more that I'll be able to forgive him, or myself, for an abortion.

I just don't know what to do, where to turn or how to find some peace of mind. Thank you for reading. Any advice would be so gratefully received.

xx

Replies

  • Hi theres no real advice i can give you its such a huge & difficult discision for you & your boyfriend Part of the problem i am holding my daughter & could not imagine life without her although i'm older,married & really wanted children I really don't know what i would do if i was in your position.I think you have to talk it through with your boyfriend & whatever you decide it has to be the right discission for you & try not to have any regrets.I'm so sorry i couldn't offer you any better advice i just wanted you to know i had read your message & was thinking of you xoxo
  • Hi theres no real advice i can give you its such a huge & difficult discision for you & your boyfriend Part of the problem i am holding my daughter & could not imagine life without her although i'm older,married & really wanted children I really don't know what i would do if i was in your position.I think you have to talk it through with your boyfriend & whatever you decide it has to be the right discission for you & try not to have any regrets.I'm so sorry i couldn't offer you any better advice i just wanted you to know i had read your message & was thinking of you xoxo
  • Only you and your boyfriend can make the discision Im affraid I was 30 when I got pregnant and it was planned but I still wasnt mentally prepared each person is different and have children at all ages only you will know when your time is right good luck in making your choice x x x x
  • Hi

    When I had my eldest I was effectively alone. The other person wasn't particularly interested and I just went for it. However I was 28 when I gave birth and financially secure in my own house. My father disowned me, but my mother was fine - but I lived 100 miles away from them anyway so was totally alone anyway! But I coped and I wouldn't change anything, she will be 13 this december and we are so alike it is great! Also have a son who is now 8 and am 23 weeks pregnant today, due 10 days before my eldests birthday. I would say things are more stressful for me now as I have just started my own business and moved 400 miles away from my family - even though this time I have my devoted hubby and children to help!

    Only you can make the decision and it is a terribly difficult one to do - but it will help if you have the total support of all of those around you.

    Take care of yourself. xxx
  • None of us feel ready really I think with our first. I am pregnant with my first and although it was planned I got pregnant basically first try and it's left me thinking sometimes was it the right decision. Thing is, you sound like you would be able to provide a good life and a stable home for this baby. Obviously you will have support from your parents if you have felt comfortable enough to tell them straight away. It's not an easy decision but it seems you've made up your mind already. Don't make any spur of the moment decisions based on thinking about the unknown, you might regret it later.
  • Hiya
    The only words I can give you are these:
    No-one is ever really ready to have a baby. It doesn't matter how much you have longed for it or have been trying. (2 years for me) you will still go through all the emotions when you realise how much your life will change, how scary it will be, what you will have to give up. And equally what you will be gaining and how having a baby will change your life for the better too.
    I am not surprised your boyfriend is a bit freaked out by it all, I think, making a sweeping generalisation here, that most blokes have a panic about it all. Mine went quiet for a few days which worried me but now he's so excited about it all. Everyone, male or female, will deal with the news in their own way.
    The 'issues' you mention like the long distance thing, your age, your family - all of these can be overcome.
    I could be wrong but in reading your post I think you know what your gut instinct is and that is what I would encourage you to go with.
    If you are true to your own thoughts and feelings, and what is best for you then you won't ever look back and think 'What if...'
    I am not sure I am necessarily going to word this right, but at the end of the day, the only person who has to live with you for the rest of your life will be you.
    If the very worst happened and you and your boyfriend did break up it would be devastating for you BUT please bear in mind that if you are already thinking you couldn't forgive him or yourself for having a termination YOU will live with that in your head forever.
    Nobody ever knows what the future holds which is why I say be true to yourself and your own feelings that you are having here and now.
    Sorry there is no easier answer for you. Keep us posted on how things are going.
    Take care and try not to get too stressed about it all.
    Tracey
    xxx
  • Hi again,

    I just wanted to thank everyone for their advice and kind words. I've had a good think about things and about what I want and my boyfriend and I are doing ok so far.

    We've had some more news since my last post. My GP informed me this morning that the hospital test they carried out on my urine sample a couple of days again has resulted in a Negative Pregnancy result, throwing everything into doubt. I'm going back to the GPs for my another test tomorrow - my third this week, now - to find out what the exact result is. There's a strong chance I'm going to have to have an emergency scan to confirm the result either way so we can see what's going on as well, which is scary , but I'm trying to stay as calm and focused as possible.

    I will update here tomorrow to let people know what the outcome is.

    Again, thanks to you all. You've all been really helpful and I'm so grateful.
    xx
  • Hello, I've just been reading your post, and wondered if you had any news today? Take care, you sound like such a nice person x
  • Hi all,

    Sorry for not updating sooner - thanks for all your kind thoughts. I've now taken 5 preg tests since last sunday and all but the first one have been negative. I started bleeding yday and (so far) I am in no discomfort, so the doctor thinks it could be my long absent period returning, but I will have to to have a scan this week to see if everything is ok.

    It's been the most upside-down week of my life - first to be 'pregnant', then to have a of string negative tests and then finally to be told that I could be facing a miscarriage - all in a few short days. I think I'm doing ok, but I know it will take time to move on from all of this, but my boyfriend and I are strong and we're determined to do it together. I really hope that when I am fortunate enough to fall pregnant in the future, that I'm ready for it and that the experience is entirely more postive than this one has been.

    Thank again for thinking about me - you're all really kind.
    xxxx
  • Take care of yourself hun and all the best for the future. xxx
  • Hi.. was wondering how you were.. did you get a scan to give you adeff answer??
    It must have been awful not knowing what was going on.
    Thinking of you.. Let us know how you are.. we're all friendly and here to chat if you need some support in any way hun
    Caz xx
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