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A bit of a rant - need advice

HI, I don't normally use this forum (I'm a regular in pregnancy though) but didn't know where else to turn - That prob sounds really sad.

Anyway here's my story
My hubby is what I call self-employed although the Inland Revenue don't recognise his job as a job. He's a full time gambler. Yes I know not everyone would agree with this type of job. Its proved to be quite profitable i.e. he wins more than he losses and he manages to keep me, I'm what I'd call a housewife. Lately though he's grown a bit bored of it and has been keen to do something else but won't get a more conventional job that uses his 1st degree. I honestly don't know what to suggest to him. So he decided he'd go back to gambling after taking a month off. That's been fine until this afternoon where he lost. I know it frustrates him sometimes the odd are in your favour but they don't come in. Which always makes him feeling like giving up. So now he's all negative about everything and saying I should go back to work. I'm 24 weeks pregnant with an earning potential of ??12000-??15000pa his is ??30000+. I feel so stressed by the whole thing in fact I just want to curl up and cry. I don't see the point of me working when I can earn max of 1/2 what he can. Plus who seriously is going to employ me at 24 weeks pg?!! I just don't know what to suggest to him though. If anyone has any ideas please do say. Also since way before we were married let alone ttc my hubby has always know I wanted to be a stay at home mum. Obv if we were really struggling financially I would consider working. More likely p/t or evening though so lo had someone at home in the day. I know he doesn't want to miss out on lo as well but he can earn so much more than me. If I went back full time I'd miss out on everything and I'd hardly be bring home anything when you think I'd be supporting the 3 of us. I mean it be ??1000 a month max after tax. Sorry to ramble on but just needed to get it off my chest.


  • I know this is a bit sneaky but why don't you say ok then I'll look for a job and tell him to do the same - you know you are highly unlikely to get a job at 24wks pregnant and he probably doesn't really mean it but is feeling a bit hopeless. Do you think he will realise that it doesn't make sense to have you earning half of what he can in a few days? If not then maybe you need to have a really big talk about what you both want - he's obviously clever if he has a first so maybe he needs to stew over what to do next.

    If all else fails tell him to shake it off and either change jobs of get gambling again!
  • Maybe he is just worrying about how he is going to support you and the baby? He is praps aware of the unstable nature of gambling as a way of earning money and thinks that one of you should have a 'proper' job. Has he worked (in the conventional sense) since he got his degree? Could it be that he is wanting to get another job himself but is not sure that he could? I think Lottie is right that you need to sit down and talk things through, it's not really fair of him to expect you to go back to work without discussing it if that was not the original plan. Hope you manage to sort it out soon.
    Kerry xx
  • thanks for your reply ladies I think your right we do need to have a big talk. I just dont want to make matters worse.
    In reply to Bedhead yes he has worked since getting his degree he worked for about 4 years. There aren't many employers near us (theres 1 in fact) for what he does by profession. Which I dont think really helps as that means not many jobs. Which i think is maybe why he says he doesn't want a proper job cos hes worried he can't get one and think it will be easier if I do.
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