I think my husband is having an affair.

blessedalready · Apr 9, 2009 5:49AM

I dont know what else to say. and i think it is with an ex. he hurt me once before in the past before we got married but i stupidly thought peple could change, i feel like such an idiot, im just sat here crying and dont even know why i am writting this.

i dont know how i will cope on my own, we will have to find somewhere else to live cry cry

Joy

Muffin34 · Apr 8, 2009 11:13AM

Joy
I dont know you but felt compiled to reply. I am sending you a big hug!!! Is there any one you can talk to about this? Are you going to speak to him about this? I am hoping that its a mistake and there is a reason for his behaviour other than an affair. Try and keep positive sweetie!

blessedalready · Apr 8, 2009 11:24AM

i know it sounds stupid but im too ashamed to tell anyone. even if he hasnt actually followed through with it so to speak he has still gone behind my back, if it hasnt happened i think it would be because she didnt want it, but he did. but if that was his intention i cant forgive him.

i just want to run away but im stuck i dont want to see him tonight but we have got nowhere we can go.

thank you for replying tho and thanks for the hug, i need it

Joy

wannababy · Apr 8, 2009 11:52AM

Pls dont cry. another hug coming your way xxx
Im sorry but I dont know what to say. have you a mum or sister yopu can ring and speak to? or best friend?
dont feel ashamed, its not your falut x

Lilac210 · Apr 8, 2009 11:56AM

Hi Joy

So sorry to hear you are going through this. We havent chatted before but I had to reply.

Please dont be ashamed, it is not your fault. Are you able to talk to your mum about it? Sorry I cant offer more advice but didnt want to read and run.

I think the only thing to do is talk to him. I know it will be hard but at least you will know whats going on. If he has been playing away, he should be the one to leave, especially if you have children or are pregnant.

Hope that helps in some way

Take care

xx
30 weeks

xx

hedgie · Apr 8, 2009 1:03PM

awe hun, another big hug, do you think you might be able to talk to him, and maybe try to find out more of what is going on. It might help you to assess the situation and perhaps discuss how you are feeling. It's such a terrible place to be, and if you do need to leave it might be useful if you are both on the same page. I sincerely hope you find out that nothing has happened and that he take the time to treat you like the gem you are to make up for causing you to feel so insecure and unhappy. I also hugely agree with Lilac, if he's messed up the most you should do is pack his bags for him

xx

Trixie09 · Apr 8, 2009 2:32PM

Okay you need all the facts.

I know this is really hard but you need to find out exactly what he has happened. If he has lied to you in the past it is likely that he will lie to you again, so you need the truth straight from the horses mouth, i.e. the other woman.

I would suggest if you know who she is you either go and see her (best option), or phone her. Very hard I know but the only way that you are truly going to get closure to either end your relationship or go to Relate to work through the issue.

You need to speak with her really calmly an not propotion blame on her side if you truly want to get to the truth. Calmly ask her if she is having an affair with you husband. State that your not blaming her (although it takes two to tango), and that you just want the truth. Explain to her calmly that your happy to end the relationship with your husband and move on to pastures new (you'll probably want to scram her eyes out but please resist the temptation). If you can be really calm and controlled about the situation you can get to the truth. If you scream and shout then you'll get nowhere, and you'll drive yourself crazy with the "is he is'nt he" dillema. Explain to her that its not the first time that he has had an affair. That you want to trust he but he has given you no reason to trust him. Ask her "woman to woman" what she would do in your situation, and ask her for help (maybe open up the conversation along this line) - it's very difficult for somebody to say no.

It's the hardest thing in the World to deal with. Until you get the facts then there is very little you can so from a legal perspective. Dont accuse your husband of anything until you get the facts.

Let me know how you get on.

All the best.

xxxx

babs4 · Apr 9, 2009 5:49AM

Oh hun, Hugs!!

I really agree with the other lovely ladies on here, you do need to know all the facts....my hubby always says "if you ask the question and dont let it stew inside you it will be so much better"
And so yes I really think you need to talk to your OH. Even if the answer isnt what you want to hear its better to know.

ALSO::::::::
If he is having an affair then personally I would pack his bags and leave them outside. Im not sure wether you joint own your house or rent but he should leave, not you. And If it comes to it he will have to pay for divorce (if) he has commited adultary. Judges are so very good at supporting the ladies these days, they seem to have woken up in that department!
You can get financial help and of cource he will have to pay maintance for any lo's you may have..........so even if you think you cant afford to be on your own ..yes you can!!!!!

The main thing is to get the whole story and either get him to tell the truth and come to an agreement regards the house etc or get the evidence you need and go to a solicitor for your free half hour to see what they say.

Sorry this all sounds on the negative but I gaurentee you are stronger than you think.

No offence here but you say he has done it before...a leopard cant change his spots in my book babe!!!!!! you are worth sooo much more.

I think my husband is having an affair.

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