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Upset about my appearance

Hi ladies,

Hope you are all well.

I'm really sorry if this isn't the kind of thing discussed on here, but just wanted to talk really. Hope thats ok...

I posted the other week about not loving my body right now, and its still really bothering me/upsetting me.
I feel the last week or so I actually look bigger than I did a few weeks after lo was born. I went out with my mum to a garden centre and saw myself in the mirror and could see my love handles through my top, my tummy hanging over my jeans and I looked awful! Lo was a bit cranky before we left so I got ready super quickly and didnt put alot of effort into what i wore, but I actually felt like i wanted to come home again i felt I looked so bad.

I met oh from work tonight and went into town, and again i was feeling so gross i almost told him i wanted to go home. I met him in mothercare and was looking at their mat clothes (i really like them) and if lo hadnt started crying i would have prob ended up buying some - thats awful, 9 weeks on i cant be BUYING more mat clothes, fair enough still wearing them (which i am) but i shouldnt buy more!!! We then went into a few clothes shops and I tried on some jeans, one size was way too small and my tummy hung out like a bum bag, and in the bigger pair they were too big! So i have no choice but to wear my mat jeans still.

i told oh i didnt want to go out for my birthday with him as i felt so unattractive and like a big fat lump and his reply was...... 'i know but we will lose weight after we've been away next week' ..... not 'Claire i love you for who you are, and your body is beautiful for carrying our daughter and giving birth to her.....or you've just had a baby it will take time 9 on 9 off ..... if we hadnt of been in the middle of John Lewis i would have burst into tears. Lo then started crying for her milk so i went to get us a coffee and feed her while he popped to get me a bday card, he was gone ages, and i was sat there with 2 coffees feeing lo, he finally arrived and drank his and then offered to take he so i could have mine, i even started to get upset about having another cold coffee - how silly is that.

I wanted to go into town to buy a few t'shirts/tops that were a bit looser on me and most of my stuff is fitted and makes me look awful, but i only found one top, which i havent tried on yet as its locked in his boot with my bday presents so he wont let me go and get it, ive got to wait until tommorrow for him toget it ( only just realised this or would have made him get it for me) im sure it will probably be too small anyway.

I've never felt so miserable about my appearace, i dont mean i was super confident before or anything, but i actually, honestly do not want to go out at the moment because of how i look. Thats ridiculous!!

Oh doesnt kiss me or cuddle me anymore, we dont even kiss goodnight as he normally takes lo to bed and im still up cleaning up his mess so i am normally a bit peed off with him for leaving it for me.
i would prob feel better if he gave me affection etc as i would think that at least he finds me attractive still, but nothing!! When he gets home from work he kisses lo and just talks to me.
We're meant to be going out next weekend for my bday and i honestly do not want to go, or i'll go and have way too much to drink and end up getting emotional!

Im not eating very healthily at all, today i made myself nice healthy sandwichs and as i sat down lo decided her big poo she had been holding in was ready to come out!! Bless her. I am eating quite a bit of chocolate/crap, but did our food shopping online and ordered good stuff, which i am trying to stick to. So im not actually helping myself.

I have booked to get my hair cut sat morning to make myself feel better, my friend cut it a few weeks ago - she is a h/dresser but she didnt do a great job and i stil had lots of split ends so am getting it done properly, not sure whether to just have a trim or have it cut to just above my shoulders for a change but then it may make my face look rounder.

Im really sorry ladies for this post, i started typing and it just all came out.

Just feeling alittle down i guess, havent seen any of my friends this week and not been out much so might have also contributed.

Honestly no need to reply.

Claire
xx

Replies

  • Hey,
    I read ur post and felt so sad image i honestly know how ur feeling.. Zaki is 15weeks and after i had him i lost over a stone, then put it back on... last night i was out with hubby and saw myself in the window reflection and was like WHAT...
    ive always hated my body though.. and for me, its time to do something about it.. im going to join the gym.. 40pound a month... not bad eh?

    i dont eat healthily too, but seriously... i think u need to talk to ur OH about how ur feeling, make him understand what ur going through...

    its good to talk.... im here if u would like to image

    Sophie xx
  • Magic knickers - http://www.themagicknickershop.co.uk/
    I think they are brilliant if you are having a 'fat' day.

    When shopping, online or out and about, make a shopping list and stick to it. I find it helps me from buying junk food.

    It will take time and you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You've just had a baby, which is such an amazing thing to be able to do and men rarely say the thing we want to hear.

    Hope you are feeling better today. x
  • Sweetheart, I know exactly how you are feeling. I felt just the same as you do after I had my lo, and am still feeling a bit like that in fact. Instead of losing weight, I have actually put on nearly a stone (and that is a lot for me as I am 5 foot 1 with a really small frame) since I came home from hospital with my lo. I basically lived on toast and butter and jam/honey during the days when lo was very young, and then biscuits and pastries and then lots of full fat milky drinks in various coffee shops as I spent my whole time out with the pram trying to get lo to sleep.

    I think the other posts have really good advice for you, so I will just say that you are not alone. I have had to buy lots of new clothes as nothing that I had pre-pregnancy fits (like you, I wore lots of fitted things) and I took myself off shopping for a whole day once to get things that fitted. Until then, I bought clothes in the supermarket whilst doing the weekly shop with lo (OH works long hours and so this was my only opportunity to shop, as i really wanted us all to be a family togetehr at the weeekend. ridiculous really - one day shopping so that I felt beter about myself would have been time better spent!) and nothing looked good on me until I just took proper time out for me.

    Hope you're doing better today x
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