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Can't believe my mother!!! So disappointed with her!!!!

Hi All,

Just need a bit of support really. I'm approx 5+3 and as the name suggests am really happy about this. Thing is my mum is being a real pain and has really upset me and hasn't even really congratulated us. The reason being I am getting married to the love of my life in April and full wedding plans are in swing. My mum feels that i should now cancel the wedding as she says i won't be able to enjoy it, go on my hen night, have a honeymoon etc.... I mean how horrible is she being??? I told her i'm not an invalid and there is no reason i can't enjoy these things still - you'd think she'd understand as she is a mum!!

Obviously the timing is a bit wrong but being able to fit in my already ordered dress that should arrive next month is the least of my worries, i'll either have to get it adjusted or get a new one. Anyway to cut a long story short i went over to my mums this morning to try and create the peace but as she threw that in my face i left pretty sharpish as i could feel myself getting upset again. My h2b and i are so happy about the prospect of being parents that i feel she is spoiling my happiness. I'm really close to my mum but feel as though i can't forgive her for trying to put a dampner on everything. Anyway i told her it was her problem that she feels this way and not ours.

Sorry for the long rant but i don't really know what else i can do and quite frankly feel quite reluctant to try to do anything, its up to her now. Thing is i don't want this to keep playing on my mind as it'll send my bp sky high.

:\(:\(

Replies

  • Hi MrsAmanda,

    Thanks for your lovely reply. I'm so glad that you seem to understand. I'm trying my best to not think about it but its so difficult because usually i can tell my mum anything and at this stage i can't/don't really want to discuss it with any of my friends as its too early, only a few family members know. Not sure what her issue is really, don't think its the granny thing as she along with everyone else is always hinting as people do so i thought she'd be pleased, oh well its her issue. My Mil2b on the other hand is very excited so that's nice.

    Thanks again, me and h2b are obviously still looking forward to our wedding (been together 15 years and it took him 13 years to propose so i'm not missing that day for anyone!!!) but obviously our little one all being well, is the best thing that could have happened xx
  • Well you get another congratulations off me too- a baby should never be seen as a hindrance or disapointment by anyone (unless it involves my teenager !!!).

    Is she thinking about the wedding plans and how a baby will spoil the day or is she thinking about what others may say??
    Perhaps you could think about bringing the wedding forward - but only if it suits you as a couple - not just for her!
    Good Luck xx :\)
  • Hi camlo,

    Thanks for your kind words. I did say to my mum today that she was making out that the baby was a negative thing, not really sure if she is worried about what people will say but quite frankly i don't really care as its absolutely nothing to do with them (sorry for sounding so angry.)

    All of my friends and family know that my h2b and i have been together for 15 years so what does it matter that i'll be pregnant on the day of our wedding? Its not really possible to bring the wedding forward as we still have bits to do and my h2b works on a 10 week rota so we've already had to plan very carefully to be able to fit everything in.

    Thanks for listening girls, you're all making me feel better and that i haven't done anything wrong, honestly she's making me feel like a little girl, for g*d's sake i'm nearly 32!!!!
  • Awww poor you! That must have been disappointing for you but don't let that ruin your happiness - i'm sure she will come round once she gets used to the idea.

    I'm the opposite! My partner's parents and mine are dead excited but my partner isn't sure he wants the baby. We're not even engaged (although it is planned!) and have only been together a year.

    Good luck with your pregnancy x
  • Hi snowangel,

    Thanks. At least you've got the suport of both families and i'm sure your partner will come round, maybe he's just a bit freaked about becoming a dad? As women we have lots of worries about the whole pregnancy thing because we want it so much but i'm sure the men go through a similiar thing in their own right. Keep your chin up and i'm sure it'll all work out. Thats what i'm gonna do with my mum although i still can't believe her!!!

    Take care too x
  • He's worried about everything! His plans being ruined (he wanted a holiday next year!) Finance (as my job isn't secure), and me (as his mum nearly died during childbirth.....

    And yes being responsible for another life.

    I'm worried too but don't think I could handle having a termination. :\? it's a lot easier for men it seems.....

    Take your mum to look at baby clothes - that always works!! haha
    xx

    [Modified by: snowangel on October 26, 2008 01:15 PM]

  • Gosh, he really is worried isn't he but i'm sure it'll be fine, having a termination must be as big a step as having a baby cos its something you've gotta live with forever and you never know if you're giving up your one and only chance. At the same time everybody has their own reasons for whatever choice they make. Try not to worry x

    On a brighter note i told my dad today and he is over the moon for us which is lovely. I've told him to try and speak to my mother for me, even he said that he doesn't understand what her problem is and there is no way that we need to cancel our wedding etc...

    Take care :\)
  • I am so sorry your mom is acting like that. I was going to be a grandma, but my daughter had a miscarriage about a week ago. She was 9 weeks along.

    Maybe sit down and talk to her and tell her you are sad and disappointed in her reaction. So what it is only a dress!! Don't worry about it changes can be made to it.

    I just hope and pray that your mom comes around - cause babies are the best thing and being a grandma is awesome!
  • hiya hun - just an update - we're keeping the baby. Went clinic today and the thought just upset me too much.... i can't go through with it.... so looks like we're having a baby!

    Glad your Dad was made up! I still think your mum will come round - expecially after you show her your first scan!

    xxx
  • Sohappy!!!, sorry to here your parents are playing up they need to understand you want 2 love the baby like they loved u and hopefully there come round.
    My babies in care at moment but don't worry unless you have some mental issue no one's taking the baby away OK! It my seem impossible at first but bare with it and everyone else will do the hard work for u without realizing it best of luck lots of love Rob LOL! :roll:
  • Hi everyone,

    Thanks so much for your lovely replies, snowangel, thats absolutely fab that you're going to be a mummy!!!

    momcrouse, really sorry to hear your news, maybe you'll still be a grandma but just a bit further down the line. I hope your daughter will be ok.
    Obviously i love the dress that i've chosen but actually bringing a little life into the world is so much better - sod the dress!!!

    wakkierob, i hope everything works out for you and your baby, thanks for your kind words. I have to say that i've not even given it a second thought today because my dad is really happy, anyway its my mums prob, not ours. I did try to sort it all out on sat with my mum but it didn't go well, won't be going out of my way to try and sit down and talk to her again i'm afraid.

    Thanks everyone, take care image

  • Hi there
    Well done for not just giving in to the hormones and telling her to stuff it - I spent a lot of my pregnancy angry and depressed and really regret not just enjoying it more, but lordy I know it's hard to do that when you don't feel supported. I gather your parents aren't together anymore - could she be projecting her own life disappointment on to you? Maybe because things went wrong with her marriage she wanted yours to be absolutely perfect and your newly adapted plans don't fit with what she had in mind for you - it would leave her in the awkward position of feeling inappropriately sad on your behalf when you really don't have a problem but she couldn't explain it without coming off a bitch (can I say that word on here?). She wouldn't be the first parent to try and re-live their life by secretly attempting to control their child's - or at least deluding themselves that they are controlling it - and if that's the case she doesn't necessarily mean any harm, although she certainly appears to be doing some. I am not going to make any suggestions to resolve things because that would make me a horrible hypocrite of the largest order, but I will say that you should definately try to be the grown up if she's not willing to and come to an aggreement that allows her to adequately support you: you'll never be able to forgive her for not being there for you and helping you enjoy this rather than adding pressure, and if she's any kind of a mother she'll never forgive herself either. If there is any possibility of making things up then give it a go - good luck!
  • Hi mrs.bluemonkey,

    Actually my parents are together, thats the funny thing, my dad is overwhelmed and really happy, my mother on the other hand is just not interested!!!

    Really can't work it out but at this moment in time, i'm really not that bothered. As i said previously i tried to sort it all out on sat but that just didn't happen, our brief conversation lasted all of 15 mins after it takes me 30 mins to get there!!!!

    Anyway, h2b told his dad today, he too is really happy for us, looks like my mum is the odd one out - her problem not mine.

    Thanks everyone xx
  • I have been in sort of the same situation. We did not mind getting pregnant before the wedding, we were so broody. And we fell pregnant within two weeks of trying. Unfortunately that meant I would have been 6 months pregnant at the time of the wedding. My parents in law came with the suggestion of moving the wedding forward 3 months and in the end we did that.

    I can understand were your mum comes from. It is great being pregnant, but I hated the hen and stag night. Why? Because I was bound home (they were afraid of taking me out because it might have hurt the baby in any way) and my other half went out and came home drunk and happy. I was not really happy about staying in and thought it was not a proper hen night. At that time I was really jaleous. I did not mind not being able to drink, but my other half did not think that he could stop as well. I really had a go at him after that and before to be honest and he finally seem to understand where it is coming from.

    I did really enjoy my wedding day though, because for that day my other half was behind me and did not drink. He decided to quit drinking for the time I am pregnant, which in my case really helped enjoying myself.

    So I can understand were your mum is coming from. She is concerned you might not enjoy it as much as you would have non pregnant. I think she just need to get used to the idea. Give her a bit of time, she will realise it is something you both want. Or maybe she just does not like the fact of becoming a grandmother.
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