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I need help

i'm now 32 weeks pregnant, i have 3 children one of whom has autism and my husband is waiting for an assessment for aspergers (an autistic spectrum disorder) and i really think i'm getting to the point where i can't cope.
i saw my doctor today and all he said was that i was getting overwhelmed by my situation and my hormones are getting to me, i tried to do a self referral to social services and they won't help and on top of all that i have got really bad insomnia and i'm exausted no-one in the family can have my son for more than a couple of hours and all i want is a break and i don't know what to do now. any advice anyone....anita xx

Replies

  • Don't know what to suggest really but didn't want you to think no-one was reading this or that no-one cared. Could someone in the family or a friend come & give you a hand at home to ease the load a bit, or at least to let you get some rest? I'd also try going back to your doc & social services again they have a responsibility to help families in crisis which yours is going to be if you don't get some help and support from somewhere. Might be worth trying your midwife as well cos your health & bubs health is her responsibility and if either are being endangered then there must be some support she can access for you. I know from working in schools that you have to shout loud for help these days but your situation sounds like it's too much to cope with and you can't carry on under so much stress, it's not good for you or bubs. Take care and let us know how you get on x x x
  • I would get back to socialservices aswell, you need to keep on at them to get somethin. I used to work in a respite home and we had people in there that did not need the support as much as you seem to. I find it hard but also rewarding working with children and adults with autism so I take my hat off to you that do it every day..Where I worked families was allocated night depending on their needs and the ones that had the most nights where when a child/adult had autism.Are you allocated an socialworker? A lot of people seem to write to their local mp, I don't know if that would help but I would have thought you would should get some respite help.
    All the best of luck I hope it works out for you
    Anna
  • do you have any SNIPS projects in your area?or rest bite?
  • i've got a social worker but all she is interested in is getting me to do behavior charts and visual timetables etc which i have had in place since before he was diagnosed i have asked for respite and she wouldn't help and i asked for direct payments to pay for our own respite and she says i don't qualify i called social services and the link scheme where voluteers do respite but they can't help without referal and my social worker is crap, feeling slightly better today but really suffering with insomnia this pregnancy so the slightist thing sets me off again because i'm just so tired, i've never heard of SNIPS.
    hopefully jason will settle down soon now the house is starting to get organised again and the doctor has found someone to diagnose my husband but he can't really accept that he has a problem so until he accepts it and learns to live with aspergers rather than pretending there is nothing wrong with him it is going to hard, i'm just glad he took the first step in asking dc to diagnose him. thanks for listening more than anything i just needed to talk to someone because Dean (husband) being asd doesn't do emotions and can't cope with them so it just gets bottled up til i am ready to explode....anita xx
  • If you've got a Sure Start in your area they may be able to provide respite care when things get too much. I know my local one does. Even if not there are good teams at them who will listen and try to help in any way they can, they may know of somewhere that can help even if they cannot provide anything.
  • Anita, I must say that I don't like socialworkers. They should go out and work in care sometimes to see what it is like instead of just sitting behind their desk coming up with silly ideas..
    I do really admire you, you seem to have a lot to deal with having more children aswell. Has she got a reason for not referring you for respite?
    Does Jason go to school or is he younger?
    Have you tried the national autism society website?
    www.nas.org.uk
    It has got a bit on there about getting help in your area.
    I hope you are feeling better. Take Care of yourself.
    All the best
    Anna
  • thanks i think it was just all starting to get to me and i needed a break i went out on friday and had a lay in saturday and i feel so much better already. we are waiting for a appointment for my husband for the diagnosis i'm just hoping the nas will run a social skills group near me that he can go to coz he will basically have to completely re-train his brain as he has been using coping mechanisms for so long and not admiting he has a problem. Jason is 7 so he is at school but i've got a 3 year old at home so i don't get a lot of time to try and sleep while she is around but i have put her in nursery a couple of days a week so i can get a break now and i have decided that i am going to go out alone at least once a week so that i don't get to the point i was last week. thanks again....anita xx
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