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Need some advise please



Hi all

Well I've finally done the test yesterday and I'm having a baby due Dec 09 so about 4 weeks!! So pleased but terrified as well but I suppose everyone feels that way.

I'm happy to be pregnant but I've just come out of a very short term I mean 3 months - violent relationship, my ex is now in prison waiting trial. I have so many mixed feelings and never thought I would say this as I've always been pro fatherhood, but this is my dlimera the police have told me I'm now classed as extremley high risk becuase he as apparent done this before many times so I'am not the first & therefore he can't say it was out of character and won't do this again becuase there is a history. I've since found out he is already a father to a little boy who as just turned 4 who he as never seen as the mother went to ever step to stop this and when it did go to court, the judge said he could have supervised visits in a contact centre once a week to which he declined!! But I no he regrets that and feels he as lost part of his son life...


So my question is what would you ladies do? Would you tell him or would you run...

My heart tells me to run as I'm really scared of him Confused

Replies

  • Very tricky one and not sure how I can help.

    My previous relationship was a violent one and I thank God that I didn't have kids with him because I never ever would have been free from him.

    If you think you can run and he won't find out I would consider it, or you have to accept you will never be free of him and he will always have a hold over you.

    My ex had told me he would kill me if I ever found anyone else and he made my life very very difficult. I am now married and have moved on and the ex is not part of my life anymore, I know I am very lucky to have escaped completely.

    I hope you find the answer you are looking for x
  • ohh love its a tough one.

    Firstly congratulations and a hnh 9 months.

    I wld wait a while unitl i told him, its no rush and at least then you can sort your thoughts out so you know whatever you decide you do the right thing. get yourself used to the idea of being pg first.

    i would wait and see what happens in court as well, at least you will then know what you are dealing with. the biggest consideration is do you want him in your life forever? Its really only a decision you will make but def give yourself time.

    take care

    xxDBxx
  • Ah I feel for you!and do not know if i was in your shoes just what i would do!
    My sons dad was violent towards me while we were together,i never pressed any charges as he convinced me he would get help/change/i would lose/take your pick!!!!!!!!!!
    We ha d spilt when i found out i was pregnant,i did tell him,i suppose a little part of me thougt this was what it would take to make him grow up,stop boozing and change.............it didnt!19mths later we dont see nor speak to each other,he is currently not having his son,as he is in the pub more times than not leaving his mother to look after Ben!he also is out of work and not paying.....is this good father material????I suppose i always knew deep down...do you watthis for your unborn child?and the constant fear of him in your lifes?you only knew him a very short time and look how he treated you!!!
    Sometimes i do wonder what my ex might do next,if he gets mad ect enough but nothing had ever happened..apart from the odd nasty email....
    I think you would be wise to not let this violent nasty man know,you can be free to bring up your child without any fear or him in your lifes..........men like this rarely change(hes done it before ect...)so you know this!
    I to am all for children knowing who their dads are,ect but is this the kind of dad you would want?I believe you would be doing the right thing to go and not tell him.....the right thing for you and your child..never mind "morally" right!!
    I would take some time to think about it and i hope you can reach a choice your happy with!!!hope i have helped alittle.......
  • If you think he can find out then tell him as you would live in fear of being caught out. If he is being charged with something I would think chances are custody or visits etc won't even be an option for him this time around. I would talk through your options with a professional but most definitely put you and your childs safety first and take care. If he is that nasty in 3 months you do not want it to develop into something that spreads over 3 years or whatever.
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