I need some advice/support to cope with separation because my husband was abusing my children

Hello,



This is a long story but over it started when my daughter was small. At 4 months she had some marks on her legs. Long bruise like line going horizontally across her calf. I took her to hv and go and hospital for bloods but they said she was fine and it as put down to burst blood vessels with no reason known for it. At this point it never crossed my mind it might have been my husband. Then there was nothing until. She was 8months old and I was in bed and thought I heard a load slap, then my daughter erupted into screams. When I went through she had a handprint on her face. I asked him what happened and he said he put his hand on her face to keep her still whilst changing her. I told him that was unacceptable and I thought I'd heard a slap but as I had just woken up wasn't sure and he managed to convince me he hadn't done anything.



There as nothing then until I had my son James in June of this year. He also got these funny marks like my daughter but they were on his back and shoulder. I took him to the hv with my husband for advice. Whilst we were there the hv said it was strange and my husband started making really strange excuses like he must have caught it on my chain (which had a ring on) and I remember thinking it was strange him saying this. I then asked the hv if she and seen these marks on anyone else's baby's and she said no. It then crossed my mind again maybe it's my husband but dismissed the thought quickly and put it down to a genetic tendency as the hv was not worried either.



Then when James was 2/3 months old I was upstairs and he was downstairs with my husband. I then heard James scream horrifically and called my husband to bring him up. When he did my son was distraught and had a severe bruise on his little finger so bad I thought it might have been broken. I gave it a wiggle and he seemed not to react in pain. There were also tiny dots on the inside of his hands as if it had been squeezed. I went mad and asked him how it happened he said he didn't know and when I didn't buy that he said he must have accidentally squeezed it too hard when he was moving his hand away from the bottle. I thought this was unacceptable and said I wanted him to leave. But once again he convinced me it was a accident and as I was so scared of being a young single mum with two kids I believed him. Then a week later my son had another unexplained bruise on his arm I didn't ask my husband because I knew he would lie anyway and convinced myself I was over reacting and my husband wasn't capable of doing anything like that. A week after that I was upstairs on the phone to my friend (at this point because I was suspicious I wasn't leaving them alone with him just in case) but he was downstairs with the kids and his best friend. While on the phone I heard James scream and his friend shout his last name, I stopped and listened but thought my husband would never do something like that I front of anyone and if he did his friend would surely tell me. So I didn't do anything the next time a was alone with the friend I asked him about that day and he looked at me and said I knew you were going to aske me this and said my husband had thrown my son 4 months at the time onto the sofa in such a way if he had been seen he could have been arrested. I felt sick and kicked my husband out the next day. A couple of weeks after this my sound had a shaking fit. It terrified me coz I knew what might have happened to cause some serious damage. So I rang the drs made an appointment and told them everything I had been suspicious about because I knew they couldn't treat/investigate him properly without knowing. When I got to hospital with him they told me and my mum we couldn't take him home until social services and investigated further. I felt like my world had fallen apart and that I might loose my babies. I stayed in hospital with him for 3 days while he had every awfull test under the sun done including a full body X-ray and MRI scan. I also spoke to social services and the police who spoke to my hv to find out what sort of mum I was. Luckily they can see I am a good mum and that I was just in denial and very nieve.



I am now at my mums because social services want to know we are all safe. I gave my statement of all my suspicions over the relationship and my husband is going to be arrested on Tuesday when he goes in to speak with them.



I feel I have let my children down in the biggest way possible and have failed up to this point in protecting them and feel so stupid for not seeing the light sooner. I am scared that none of our joint friends are going to believe me because I know it will be easier to believe I am lying than to believe their friend did anything like this. I know anyone who doesn't believe me isn't a friend but that's not going to stop the hurt. I am at college part time doing gcse maths and access to uni (I had a mad panic in half term to find childcare so I could keep going) I am now raising both children whilst trying to get a good career but feel at breaking point almost everyday and am worried the extra hurt from people not believing/judging me will make things unbearable.



Has anyone else been through a similar situation or have any advice on how to cope because I feel so lost



Thanks x