help

hi, i have to admit this to myself that all this is wrong to put up with, but i feel trapped to leave with my son.. my child is now 2 years old and just because i went out with my friends, after a very long time and had a few drinks, he came to where i waz and picked me up lefted me and our child to my mums and said he does want me.. oh to add to that he left me and our baby when he was only 3 weeks old for a range rover sport and the pleasure of going out to show it off, he kicked me out the house when i was pregnant, he left me on the motorway 9 months and 1 week left to my due date pregnant and i had to walk for 4 or 5 hours.. i want to have abortion and he said he will kill me and my mum didn't support me... i'm mentally broken down and all i did today was call me brother in law and said come pick me up ur brother dumped us on the street again... he hardly ever helps around the house like you said his on the computer 24/7 on his iphone and i feel lost i need help but i can't explain how painful it is and for my son's sake i'm putting up with it but i guess i'm just causing my self more damage then anything he threathens me that he will take me son away and make sure the court will take him away from me when he doesn't even look after him or not even give him attention... i'm scared he will he will pay who ever to make me look bad like he has to everyone and everyone disrespects me, when i waz a very well respected young woman who worked for the police and now i'm not nothing.. and i quite the police becoz he beat me up n i called dem and dey came to the house and he called his family and they all lied to the police and said i waz lying and i waz insane and that i shud leave and i got kicked out... i suck it out but u dnt have to leave now plz becoz as day goes by u cnt not deal with it, it will hurt trust me i need advise too but i cnt trust the fucking goverment cause i got kicked like i said for a car and went to the council and they told me to come back after a few days later so i went back cause my baby was too small to be on the streets.. look yes he works his ass off for us and i respect him and i cook, clean, look after our child without his support but he gives me no love or care unless its sex never plays with our son never says lets take him out to the park and puts me off everything i feel trapped