my friends toddler & my baby
hi i need some advice. please dont say softplay etc as my friend wont do anything like that.
my baby is 3 months old. my best friend of 8 years has a girl coming up two next month. i know she is still young so i understand her behaviour but the problem is her mum does not do anything to sort it.
basically she is being jelous around my daughter. no matter what i do she still goes out of her way to be mean to her. when i go to my friends my daughter is not allowed to touch anything without her snatching it and saying mine!!!! her mum does not try and explain she should not take toys she just watches her snatching.
she came to my house yesterday and poked her hard in the head to wake her up. my baby ended up screaming. she started biting all my babies stuff and she knew that she should not be. but my friend did nothing. she then agressively went up to my daughters bouncer whilst she was in it and smacked the toy bar really hard and yelled my chair in her face. when i lifted my baby girl out my friend said quick! get in now babys not in. so she climbed in and glared at my baby saying mine!!!! this is just two tiny incidents of one meeting.
shes my only friend but i cant really say i dont think its ideal to meet as your childs going through a stage. shes scaring me though. i cant take my eyes off my baby for a second without her trying to ram stuff in her eyes and pulling her arms.
my friend just does not see anything. she says my daughter will be the same in 2 years!! she may try but she will not be getting away with being mean to others.
shes off work tuesday and thursday. i really dont want to meet up and im close to saying im not sure what we can do to keep both kids happy. i cant go on like this. my daughter will get hurt. other tots have been around her and they are so gentle and just stroke her head.
on top of this. my friend lets her touch everything. climb all over and even sit on my tv stand. my house gets trashed when shes around 
its not up to me how she parents. but i cant justify putting my baby at risk.
how can i politely explain this to her?
Replies
What a tough one! I have a similar worry with a family members child (he's 5 and my baby is 9 months) although the 5yo mum doesn't encourage it like your friend seems to, just watches it happen.
Because of the house trashing business I always go to their house so at least my fence / washing machine / sofa / cat stay safe and I can focus on keeping my lb out of poking distance!!!!
I also struggle with what to say. When I took my lb upstairs to change his nappy the little boy followed us upstairs. I sat my lb upright on the bed and the 5yo shouted at him "lay down " then shoved him over. My lb didn't cry but I was really cross. I told the 5yo "you have to be gentle with babies, they're not as strong as you" but I know his mum wouldn't have said anything as when we're all together she thinks nothing of her son poking my lb (when she's holding him!).
Following this one with interest as it's gotten to the point where i think twice before going to places and family events they go to!
I can remember feeling like you two. I had a little 6-month old baby and a friend came round with her 19-month toddler - who wreaked havoc in my house, snatching up the baby's toys and stomping around shouting at the top of her voice! I was bit shocked by it all and surprised my (really nice) friend didn't stop her child being so noisy and grabby.
Then my baby got a year older and started snatching and stomping and shouting himself! And of course by then I was a mum of a toddler and could see that the snatching and stomping and shouting was (mostly) just normal toddler behaviour and really not that shocking.
You've got little babies and they're the most precious things in your life and you're right to want to protect them from everything, including rampaging toddlers. And your friends should probably remember how it feels to have a little baby and try to be more understanding and sensitive, and try hard to keep their toddlers away from your babies. But it's hard running after a toddler all day, and sometimes you don't see some of the stuff they do - they're such a whirlwind of activity.
i think you should tell your friend's toddler politely to "stop" that or to explain to the girl that what she is doing is wrong. if you do it infront of your friend she will eventually realize that you are not happy with her child's behavior and if she is a good friend she will do something about it... or if you really want it to end, sit your friend down and talk to her or write her a letter or email explaining how u feel. maybe she is just not aware of whats going on. better to just talk about it. communication always solves any problems in good relationships. If your friend feels offended then guess you guys arent the good friends you thought you were...