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Both my daughters hate their own father

I have two daughters one is 14 & the other is 8

Both my daughters hate their father for different reasons, which is making my life a little difficult. 

Now he's taking me back court as I stopped access in October after my 8 year old deciding to turn on him out of the blue and nearly broke my hand after she wouldn't let go of it and the stand off lasted for three hours solid.  In which the ex just stood there while I tried my hardest to get her off me and she cried and shouted at him in broad day light the whole three hours.   After the three hours he just walked away breaking the court order he had placed on me. I'm actually a disabled person with a weak left side which of course my girls know about.  This is why she had hold of the right hand knowing full well I was to weak against her.

I did this every two weeks for two month taking her to meet her father like the court order said but it was all ways him who,walked away and it I was who ended up injured or hurt.  She didn't mean to.  

Anyway I have these very angry 14 & 8 year old daughters and their fighting between them is getting out of hand.  Epically the 8 year old.  The 14 yearold won the last court and didn't have to see her father but the 8 year old did.  Still hate the judge and the ex for splitting the siblings up.

i have been told by my own solicitor that I need to,go on a parenting course as I shouldn't be allowing

1.  My eldest to be my carer

2.  I don't discipline them enough

3.   I expect to much from them

I think they forgot to give me my manual when I had my daughters

sorry for the moon but I feel so alone.


  • Maybe get your daughters counciling so they can take through their problems. Often helps with someone they don't know.   

    Could you maybe use a family councillors or mediator? show you are trying and show your daughters you can unite for them and most importantly get help

    A contact centre maybe where professionals can be present in a neutral environment.  

    Check your getting the right what you are entitled to so you can have care packages in place so you don't put on you daughters too much. 

  • Thank you for your reply.

    They had mediation twice and even the mediator took a dislike to,their father.

    My oldest is under anger management and younger carers at school.and from her eldest school,we  have been given a family key worker.

    My youngest only started this anger just after Christmas when she over heard me talking about her seeing father again and she's quite adamant that even if the court says she has to go she's not going and that she'll kick up a fuss.

    This is not easy for me.  I need to talk to another adult if you know what I mean.  Being alone adult is not easy 

  • Ah now it makes sense.  Is there nothing the key worker can do? Can all of the agencies or is there a specific professional (maybe your lawyer can arrange) who can prepare some sort of report to use as evidence that can be presented to the court to say  all of this so kit will go against him or as ridiculous as it sounds maybe your daughters should have separate legal representation from you who can represent them and their views in court in the hope they won't be made to do anything they don't want to do.  

  • Your good you are.

    It doesn't sound ridiculous for my lawyer to represent my daughters but at the cost of £700 for to go court and £185 + VAT to have a meeting with her.  I can't afford three lots I'm already having to borrow money from my parents.  You see the last time I stood alone in court as I couldn't afford a lawyer but I'm now tired.  My voice is the girls voices and no one listened to me.  So as a family we decided to have a lawyer in the hope and prayers they listen to her.  

    I've never and would never stop my girls from seeing their father.  It would be so much easier for me but they refuse. Like I said my eldest doesn't have to see him but she was clever and sent three separate letter to the court without me knowing.  I have since seen these letters and they are strong.  Were as my poor 8 year was made to go to see her father.

    At first she loved it as it was only for a day and he treated her to everything she wanted and took her to zoo's etc but the eldest got nothing at all.  Then my 8 year old was made to stay for all the weekend every two weeks and things changed.  He no longer took her out for days and told her off a lot.  He had gone from treats daddy (if you no what I mean) to the daddy he was when living with us.  Getting told off for stupid reason or he just totally ignored then.  My daughters were not allow to play nosily in the house otherwise they got into trouble. 

  • Best thing is to get as many written statements together from professionals as possible.  If you have to get your lawyer to bargain that she only goes for the day rather than overnight.  

  • Well I hope you are sitting down.

    The £700 I've rounded and it's not an over night stay it's :-

    £500 + Vat for her to be in court plus mileage plus parking in Lincoln.

    £185.00 + vat for a meeting with her.  The other price I haven't been told yet like letter cost, phone call cost not even such wether I'll be charged for emails.

    but I've got to pay it I'm tired, this has been going on since June 2012 when he left us And I had only been out of intensive care 12 weeks

    Its just a big mess,  I'll tell you now if my daughters had done half of what they've done to him to me I would of just walked away as all he's doing is fuelling the situation with his daughters.  He can't see he's pushing them further & further away but if I say anythink to him I'm in the wrong.  I've never seen hate like is ever. 

  • Sounds like an impossible situation but there must be a way somehow

  • Thank your Meme210 for just being there and talking to me.  I just feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall xx

  • That's no problem.  It really does sound as though you are in an impossible situation 

  • I know and it's been like this for four years in June 

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