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How to deal with the father of the baby leaving

Hello image I am 16 weeks pregnant and 21 years old. Me (and the father of the baby) are both currently at the same university, luckily I am able to carry on with my degree. Anyway...

I haven't talked to the father of the baby in about 5 weeks. He changed his mobile number, and deleted all his social media. He recently got facebook back but hasn't responded to my messages or my friend requests. Although I find this hard to admit, I am starting to realise that he doesn't want anything to do with this baby or me. I am heart broken and feel very down. I didn't think he would do with to me. Before we left for the summer holidays, we were on good (ish) terms, he spent a lot of time with me at my house and called and text me. I told him I was pregnant around the start of April, he was very scared and shocked (as he is Muslim and I am white, is what he said). At first we contemplated abortion, and he seemed very upset by this, in the end I couldn't do it. He told me "If you want to get an abortion, then get an abortion, but if you're going to keep it then I'll do my part in being a father". Over the weeks during April and May, he was very back and forth, one minute he'd be stroking my belly or lying on it, the next he'd be saying "you're not pregnant, you don't look pregnant", and trying to act like it wasn't happening. He would sometimes talk about the baby, about the gender and stuff, but other times he wouldn't want to talk about it. He is a very complicated person, it wouldn't surprise me if he has a split personality. I can't describe it, he's like two different people. At the start of the relationship he would compliment me, but as time went on he used to put me down and say horrible things to me like "you're fat" or "you're not the best looking", then add girls on facebook and like their photos or comment on them. He would tell me he misses me and that he cares, he even said he loved me at one point. All this messed with my head, particularly since I became pregnant.
When we left for the summer holidays, I went back to Manchester and he went back to Birmingham. This is when he started disappearing. I know someone who used to be friends with him and around a month or so ago I started finding out a load of things that I didn't know about him. I found out he was a criminal (involved with drugs), and that he'd robbed money from his friends before. His own friends even called him sly. This is word of mouth, I haven't heard it from the horses mouth, but it wouldn't surprise me if it was true. I couldn't believe it. Me and him are completely different, I'm not or have never been involved with anything like that. I guess you could say we're opposite.
It's hard for me to accept that he'd do this, and he'd been keeping a secret life back in Birmingham. Of course I don't want my baby to be involved with a person like that. But unfortunately I developed feelings for him a long time ago, and it's hard for them to disappear. Apart of me was hoping he would change and focus on me and the baby. But in reality I don't think that will be the case. A couple of my friends have said that they think he'll be in contact when university starts again, but it's hard to say.
At this point I feel depressed, and have been losing sleep. I'm going to talk to my midwife and see what she suggests. I'm tired of feeling down, and it's hard to think that I'm feeling like this and he doesn't care.

I just don't know what to do :(

I am normally a positive and bubbly person but I feel I've ran out of steam.

Replies

  • Hello mmaxox. Welcome to MadeForMums - and congratulations on your pregnancy!

    It sounds as though you're in a very difficult situation. Poor you.

    Is there anyone you can talk to, any family or friends you can confide in?

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