Mother in law taking over and keeps calling my daughter her daughter!
So I'm not a mummy but a daddy, I need some advise on the situation I'm in, we had a week long family holiday in Great Yarmouth and there was tension whilst we were there, the mother in law lets my 4 yo daughter get away with everything and doesn't up keep my daughters manners, when she's with her she is like a different child, she's cheeky, spiteful and can be nasty and her grandma is soon to stick up for her when she does wrong. She sees it as she not a happy child if she's told off. So anyway whilst away I tried to spend time with my wife and daughter as much as I could but every opportunity they could take her they did, they accused me of locking my daughter in the chalet whilst I went to pick up a take away to keep them away from them. For one she could get out and become lost and also my wife has absense epilepsy in which she wanders whilst she has a episode. So I always lock her in at home if I go out to the shop etc. Was there anything wrong with keeping them safe? So to the night time when we went to the night time entertainment and there was a arcade in the next building, as soon as we got the drinks etc my wife's mums boyfriend took my little girl to the arcade before anyone else got the chance to. So every night, all night I hardly saw her so in the daytime I tried to spend as much time as I could with her only to be accused of keeping her away from them and making her unhappy, but it's fine for her boyfriend to take her away all night without even the question being asked if he can or if anyone else wanted too. Anyway the last day we went to the funfair but was unable to go on everything as some rides wasn't running so the decision was made to come back before we went home the next day, so along comes the next day and her grandma changes her mind and says she doesn't feel like it which upset my daughter abit, we decided to leave and make our way home early only to pass the pub we go to every year next to the beach. When passing we saw her grandmas car there and they were sat on the bench drinking cider. Yet she fell ill. My daughter then got upset. The next day we went around to her house to retrieve some stuff they had in there chalet only to be told I shouldn't have locked them in the chalet as i was being cruel and that my daughter wasn't happy. The thing that bothers me is that she keeps calling my daughter her daughter and that she knows da**en(her boyfriend) is not her biological father, i say well she isn't as she's my daughter. "You know what I mean" she says. She also says that my daughter is not my property but a member of the family? I find this very strange and worrying. We are currently keeping our distant as she's being throwing around some serious untruths that could have some serious consequences. Anybody else been in a similar situation? Thanks for reading
Replies
Dear Princessdaddy,
what about your wife? Doesn't she feel it's not right her mum calling her daughter HER daughter?
That's puzzling me...
tell them to back off a bit and just remind them whos boss
It is a complicated situation really because well, if you say something harsh enough to stop their feet.. this will just make the "air heavy" next time you get together.. and worst even, she could start doing things just to get you annoyed.. because she knows she can!
Remember that with some people the best way to sort things is actually not confronting them, but actually following their game.. winning their trust.. and being more intelligent than them.. you sort of win best this way than actually having an argument with them. Ignoring whatever she says about your actions is also a good way to cope.. if you can expect some sort of bad comment from her, just try to ignore it and move on.. I know is difficult but if she sees that her comments don't upset you, she might just get bored and stop... Your mother in law doesn't seem to be a person who is actually able to reason well.. so, this may be a better way of coping.
As Monetina mentioned earlier, I find it a bit surprising your wife doesn't say anything to her mum. I think if somebody can help on this situation, is your wife without any doubts.. I normally mention things to my mum if I know whatever she does/says upsets my partner, so I think it is part her "duty" with you, to "tell her off".
I hope it goes well!