controlled and depressed

Hi,

i am very new to this. i am just so desperate to hear other people views on something thats been bugging me for a long long time now. i feel like i am going out of my mind and depression is just eating away at me. I've tried talking to my partner but he makes me feel like I'm in the wrong and gets nasty and blames me saying I'm trying to control him yet its the opposite. 

basically weve been together a long time (over 9 years) and the last few years he's started to become extremely controlling. i have no access to money at all unless he tells me i need to pop to the shop for essentials or do the weekly shopping. he will give me just enough money to get the things on the list and nothing more. anyway, he's been like that a while and my parents think its a crime I'm not sure. he won't give me access to our bank account, its like he has something to hide. this probably sounds weird as though maybe i have some kind of dodgy past with finances, i honestly had my own home and car etc, never been in debt ever but gave up my entire life and career (sold my home which he helped spend my savings and money raised from it to bring up our boys)to move to be with him. he thinks that he should be in charge of the money as he had an ex who fleeced him. he knows i won't ever do this, I'm just worried in case anything happens and i need to gain access to sort bills etc if he's unable to. tbh its both our money, as stated I've put a lot financially into this relationship especially for wedding that was meant to happen last year but he put a hold on it and I've not seen that money since) I've needed clothes for our sons, but had to sell some of my things to buy them as he says we can't afford it yet he's still giving his twenty year old son an allowance every month (driving lessons, phone bill) he has told me if i want things i need to go out and work, which i did until i became so ill. but he's stated once i work i need to start paying bills (he's treating me like a housemate rather than a significant other and after to our kids) anyway, he won't listen though he doesn't care. i don't know what to do. i love him but he doesn't realise i was always independent but now I'm like a caged bird with no life at all. I'm seriously hating waking up on a morning. am i wrong asking for an equal relationship and access to our money? feel like just disappearing for good.