Forum home Family life & relationships Relationships

Pregnancy from hell - shunned by family - forced to get abortion. Advice???

I just turned 27 this year have had a boyfriend for a year and I found out I got pregnant. Recently made unemployed and still living with my Mam and her selfish partner times haven't always been easy living with them, which has been part of my depression. Plan on getting a place with my boyfriend soon and tying the knot as well. He's very supportive and even tho he's still in uni he wants to make the best of this situation. I'm still in uni too - last year I've been delayed for a number of reasons because of family tensions, the death of my father 5 years prior and having to take care of him etc. I have had depression for a while and before I got pregnant my depression was exceptionally bad I felt like I was losing my mind somehow. I didn't see any point to living even tho I had a lovely boyfriend and a normal life with everything going for me. 

In a way this baby come has been like the blessing I have needed. However, my immediate family haven't been able to see that. It's been a whirlwind of so much stress and drama. First of all when I got pregnant I told my mam who didn't look all too happy about the idea even tho she pretended like she did I could just see straight through her. 

Second of all, she told my brothers and they forced me to get an abortion from

the get go. Apparently my big brother was so disgraced lol and worried about me that he couldn't go to work and 'what would father think.' Complete guilt trips. My other brother said I should be thrown out the house and change the locks as well. My mother has not disagreed to any of this and this is what hurts the most. I moved out for a while but now I am back. 

Today I have been screamed at by my brother and I told my mam about it and she just ignored me. I have felt ill ever since with headaches and I just know this isn't good for my baby. He was like you don't have an effing clue!! I have no faith in you! And I swear to god if you let this baby break up this family I will absolutely curse you all my life! It was horrible. 

My mother can't emotionally support me she's cold about the baby she never asks how I'm feeling or anything about it. There is no warmth no excitement no positivity everything is jus negative and it's really getting to me again. I was this close to getting an abortion but I just couldn't do it. Their hostility and anguish actually gave me more incentive to keep it as well because I figured if I got rid of it i could never really look at myself in the same way - especially them! It had to be my own decision and deep down I wanted to keep it even though I have spent days and nights wondering if this was the right thing (but only because of their negativity - would I be ruining their happiness? I asked myself)

Can someone give me some advice here? I'm 17 weeks now and this is my first baby. I would just like someone else's view on this. Is this behaviour from family normal? 



  • I think you need to remove yourself from these people.  Look into your options.  Do you have a women's refuge that could help you? Your gp may also be able to provide links to people who can help you.

    which country are you in? Do you have any form of supported or government housing? 

  • I'm in the UK so I know I am eligible for many benefits with a baby. I don't plan on staying here for long. What do you think of this kind of behaviour from my family? My brothers were forcing me into abortion, and before the day of the abortion my mother called me to ask what time it is in the morning so she could take me to the hospital - so unemotional it was very cold and stern. It completely creeped me out. i wouldn't of wanted her to go with me even if i was to have an abortion. Then when my bf came down she broke down crying and sobbing to him it was so embarrassing. She was like I think it's cruel that she will go thro with an abortion... then as soon as I tell her I'm keeping it shes all passive aggressive to me  Don't get it.  

  • It sounds like very odd and disgusting behaviour.  You need to put some distance between you.  

    Look into supported housing for young people in your area, present yourself at your local housing office for it may be quicker and best if you contact women's aid if you feel threatened or in danger.  

    After gvid you can look for social housing and apply for what you need to, to survive and build your life for you and your baby 

  • This is in no way normal behaviour and you don't deserve it. If either of my brothers spoke to me like that I wouldn't be responsible for my actions. 

    As above, I'd present myself at the housing office for help.

    What is your bf saying to all this? 

  • I feel so sorry for you having to go through this from your family of all people.

    its completely out of order and no it's not normal, they are acting like your 16, a baby is a blessing and if you want this baby then go you, I would say you need to get out of that house asap, you don't need that kind of stress around you and your little baby bump, is your partners family supportive? And do you have any good friends? As long as you at least have your partners support then you will be absolutely fine, and yes it will be hard but it's so worth the tiredness, you never love anything like your child.

  • Hi 

    Proud2bPreggo I realize this discussion was a few months ago, but how did you get on? I'm going through the same horrible experience as you. I'm 24 and I found out I am 4 weeks pregnant with my mix raced partner, we were both so happy. However we do not live together and i live with my family who may I add do NOT want me even dating someone outside my race (I'm white), however my mother knew we were dating but didn't know her little girl, as they see me is sexual active! I told her not long ago she went crazy, crying and screaming and wishing she was dead, we haven't spoken since. My father still doesn't know as he is abroad for a few weeks on a business trip, i think he will have a heart attack when he finds out. She is not forcing me into abortion however i know she wishes i said i want one, she kept asking me what am i going to do but in a very nasty way and i just walked away. My partners family are so so supportive and cannot wait to be grandparents for the first time, however my parents are already grandparents and they love him to bit of course cause hes white! and my sister is married and has a job and a house! I can afford to move out, i can afford this baby, i do have a stable job and earn good money. Me and my partner didn't move in yet because of my family issue if i wasn't engaged i cant live with my bf, but they wont even approve the engagement even if i asked them before I found out i'm pregnant. THEY ARE VERY OLD FASHIONED! My sisters have been fine with it, well 1 of them has said some really mean things it makes me feel even worse, saying to me things like "Mum's not out of bed, she doesn't want to get out of bed" and she already knows i'm stressed out, i'm so stressed out to the point where i thought about abortion, but it is my baby, he/she is my life and i cannot imagine having an abortion. I have no idea what to do at least i have told them! so now I'm hoping and praying that they will come to terms with it and be super excited cause i cannot enjoy my pregnancy seeing my mum so upset. Any advice is appreciated  :(.
  • They only person you need to make sure is happy with the pregnancy is you. Then your partner. If the two of you want this baby and can provide for this baby then you can't make your family happy. The only person that can make your mum ok is your mum. You're not a child. You're an adult. If they can't except that then they are going to miss out on something amazing. Stay strong. You can do it

  • as Katt said once you become pregnant the only that has a say is you.  

    You do what is best for you whether that be moving in to a place alone or with your partner or abortion (sounds like you don’t want to give up your baby).  If you go ahead with having this baby you have a chance of your own little family, far more important than the family you have come from as you will be the head and key responsibility in that family, you will be shaping your child for the future, not your parents and sisters.  

    You will have to live with whatever decision you make, not them 

Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions