Feeling lost after pregnancy and secretly blaming my partner for it
Hi my little boy is 8 weeks old, he wasn't planned and my pregnancy was quite bad. I didnt have the time to enjoy any part of it due to my family not accepting the news straight away, worrying about money, moving in with my partner, starting a new job and then my health got involved resorting to having an emergency ceaserean after 30 hours of induced labour. I had to stay in the hospital for a while as my baby wasnt very well.
Since then Ive always felt sad, angry, anxious but recently i am struggling with accepting my new life to the point of walking out on my partner. I miss my old life. Im 22 and i feel trapped.
Im starting to really hate my partner (he's 30) he goes to work all day and I'm alone with a crying baby and he expects the washing to be done and a planned meal every night (which i cook) i feel like he is ruling and taking over my life. I feel forced to be this 'house wife' and because I haven't done it before he's home i start hating myself because he wants someone who can do it all.
Come the weekend, he's telling me what do, making me feel bad when I want to sit down or have a Loungy Day around the house. He is constantly on the go and i can't be bothered. I just want to spend some us time together too! I've asked about planning a night out together but the answer is no because we have a baby to look after. Hes always switched off from me.
The main problem is how unfair it is that ive done everything. My body is stretched and worn out. My life has stopped and changed surrounded by dirty nappies and tears everyday and he goes out like normal, looking smart smelling nice and meeting new people taking breaks at work whenever he wants. He's never been alone with the baby he's never had to struggle bringing the pram up and down the stairs juggling bags and a baby (And then he calls to ask what's for tea)