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Blending Familes ??? Am I unreasonable ???

 I’ve recently given birth. The day he was born my somewhat spoilt 17 year old stepson decided to FaceTime his mother to give her first glimpse of his new brother. Although I never said anything at the time - this really hurt me as it was our first day in our new chapter in our blended family life but it still managed to be ALL about her. Stepson lives with us full time and I’m finding he FaceTimes his mother once a week & includes his newborn sibling. He is proud of his sibling & is very loving towards him.The trouble is me &   I’m very uncomfortable with the ex having any involvement with my son. She has made it very difficult for me to bond with my stepson over the last ten years with her attitude & jealousy has only created additional behavioural problems for her son. Now her new hobby is to manipulate my stepson into sharing his step brother with her & it infuriates me. My stepson also wants to take his half brother to his birth mother so she can spend time with the baby. I have No problem with my stepson having a good bond with his new brother but I draw the line with his mother having any involvement partially due to how she has treated me over the years. Am I being unreasonable to expect that she should just butt out? 

Replies

  • I think you're right here Gold - it's so lovely that your stepson is so proud of his baby brother - that's absolut wonderful, but to be honest, i don't see the need for his mum to have any further involvement - maybe next time your stepson visits his mum, you could drop him off and introduce her to the baby, and that be the end of it? Hopefully lay it all to rest? 

  • Thanks MrsG I’m not going crazy then! 

    I’m not the only one that thinks this is odd! 

  • Would I heck let my child go to BM house she isn’t anything to my child. I think it is lovely your SS loves your son but it doesn’t need to go to his mums house - especially as he lives with you 

    so basically hell no you’re no being unreasonable 

    good luck 

    MP x

  • Thanks MP !!! 

    A lot of this has to do with my partner being a wet blanket & allows her to cross boundaries. 

    Were definitely on the same page lol x 

  • Lol my DH hates confrontation so I dympath but I work on the rule if it doesn’t sit right don’t do it 

    x

  • Gold I think your right too 

  • My stepson lives with his mum but when he’s with us he often sends his mum pictures of his siblings, our son 2.5 and daughter 3.5 months. Hes 13 and as in your case, she has made my life a living hell since day 1. Im ok with him doing this or showing his mum his siblings on facetime as I think he just wants to share something so important with her. I would never allow him to take them to meet her or as they get older, wont allow them to even talk to her on favetime to build any kind of relationship. I pne hundred percent agree with an ex having no part in your kids lives! 

  • Try again!

    Hi

    i have a 7 year old daughter who sees her dad every other weekend. He has three cHolstein with his girlfriend. I don’t think you are being unreasonable. My son sees my daughters dad at drop off/pick up etc but I hate it when my ex tried to interact too much with my son. It was nice of him I guess but it’s not what I want.

    Its good you are encouraging your ss to have a good bond with his new sibling but I agree, the mum doesn’t have to be involved.

  • Your are not crazy Gold!

    Indeed this is strangely intrusive behaviour on her part. There is no need for her to have a relationship with your child.

  • Thanks everyone for your posts. 
    Yer it’s defo weird. Case of the ex has eased a little bit now. I think she wanted another child and I literally don’t think she could help herself when my son was born. After I overheard her on the telephone asking 100 questions about my sons nursery and arrangements you can imagaine I blew my top (as I wasn’t even allowed to ask where my step son would be going to school even thou he lived with us ????) 
    My OH seems to be the problem in accommodating her & allowing her to manipulate him. She even went as far to ask my DH if she could look after my son at her nursery. (No I’m not kidding)
    So obvs after a tearful conversation he understood my point of view and now doesn’t fall for any more of her leading 101 questions.   Now I’ve nipped that in the bud everytime she doesn’t get her own way over money mostly she keeps throwing in the one liner .... you’ve not just got one son.    I’m sick & tired of everything always being about her & her games. Rather than his son. 
  • sorry guys the ☝🏻 Was in my drafts thought I sent it! 

    Latest Update: I’ve had to block her on all phones! She got the message after 3 months so communication has resumed near in kind the eldest is now 21 ! 
    She’s very weird & just won’t let go ! 

    She has her own husband of about 5 years I don’t know how he puts up with it lol ! His problem x 
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