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do u think it is right what my hubby is doing?

ryt, my hubby is in iraq n is rytin 2 a girl from his home town whom he does not know of. she knows all about his family except me and the baby. she knows about lot of things except me n the baby and all my hubby says is she dint ask. and he also has a profile on cheekyflirt.com which you can guess is a dating website. so i played him back at his own game and made one up, but because i got a lot of attention on this website he went mad, saying i was playin tit4tat, so after a long think i got rid of my web profile. he now says why should he stop with the profile and writing to this girl?i have lad mates he says but my lad mates arent strangers and i don nt kee intouch with them. what would you lot sugest i do? he home in 4weeks. please help x J
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Replies

  • He may just be bored and is looking for a bit of excitment. Men are strange sreatures and i dont think we will ever understand them. I thinks its strange that he hasnt told her about u and the baby. How did u find out about this? did he tell u?
  • no when i sign on my computer, MSN loads up on its own which is in his account.this girl started chatting and i thought who could it be seeing he dont have no girl mates. i pretended to be him which i shouldnt i no, but well thats how i found out. she also asked him(me)if they was meeting at end of his tour. i dont like all this girl thing but i feel like leaving him. x
  • hi, thats something i would do is pretend to be him, for curiosity reasons, i really dont know what to say , i think i would feel the same as u , sorry im no help xx take care
  • Hiya, okay..... read your post and so you ask is it right what he's doing.....my personal opinion.....erm....2 letters.. NO!. Right so we'll take into account he is in iraq and the only normal social contact these guys and girls out there have are with penpals but come on! He's chatting to a girl from his home town and has not even had the courtesy to mention that he has a wife and a baby! And his excuse is she hasnt asked?! Well, does he not think that apart from hurting you and your feelings that perhaps he could be actually leading this poor girl on, she hasnt asked because shes probably assumed that he's single and thinks he cant be married or with someone as why would he be writing to me!!! So what if you have male friends, I have male friends and my partner has female friends but if he was away with work and struck up some form of contact with someone by way of letters or emails for completely unnecessary reasons then I'd simply tell him its wrong, it makes me feel threatened and to top that if he didnt even have the courtesy to make her aware that there was me and a baby, then sorry, I deserve better then that - if he could do something like that with me knowing and see no wrong in it, what they hell is he capable of doing without my knowledge! And dating sites!!! I'm sorry, maybe others might take a different view but if that was my partner....hell its either get off them or theres the door! You go on a dating site for one reason, to find people who mutually want to meet up or have cyber sex or telephone sex etc..... A dating site has that name for a reason, its not friends reunited, its not a get a friend site as if that was his intention why can't he find a friend for support as we all do in this forum who happens to be of the same sex? I'd be doubtful that just finding a friend is his intention. Sorry to say! If he needs female support he has you and possibly other females he already knows - he sounds like a nasty, selfish, uncaring and insensitive individual. At least, if all of this was brought to your attention and you told him how he felt so he ceased his actions then that would be okay but how can you clearly do something that you clearly know hurts someone you supposedly love and not care! Sorry mate but sounds all wrong to me.
  • You need to talk to him when he gets back face to face. I had a similar thing two yrs ago with my hubby and we nearly split up he said it was just a bit of excitment and he never planned to meet up with her he just wanted to feel wanted. Whether he would have met her or not if i hadnt found out, i dont know. I spoke to her on the phone and it was heartbreaking both me and my hubby (boyfriend) at the time both did a lot of crying but we worked it out although i still now sometimes have trust issues despite the fact that we are now married and i am having his child. Every relationship is different
  • It sounds like he is taking the piss. I can only tell you what I think I would do if it were me....

    I would email her letting her know that he has a wife & child copying him in as well. If she isn't aware of his family situation then this will probably make her see him for what he is. (if she was an even semi decent person) I would also rethink the relationship as I wouldn't want to be with someone so sneaky & underhanded & who had such little respect for me. And would make that crystal clear to him. Then see how he is acting when he gets home.

    But if for a second you think this is normal or acceptable or can even be excused for any reason then it would explain why he thinks he can get away with it.

    Sorry, that isnt the most sympathetic answer I know but I have a zero tolerence on anything like this.
  • OMG!!! i would beat my OH with a big stick hard where it hurts if he ever did anything like that! Umm he met her on a dating website and hasnt even mentioned you or your baby! I think thats down right out of order hun. Ask your self why he did not like you doing it - because he was jealous. If she was just an innocent pen pal he would have mentioned you and your baby right from the start because isnt that what you do with pen pals - describe your self and your life? I dont think it was wrong that you pretended to be him because i would do exactly the same thing. In fact i would keep doing it until i found out exactly what was going on and then i would tell her who you are! The fact he joined a dating website and the fact she joined a dating website suggests they are looking for something other that friendship! Yes i think it is very wrong and i would not tollerate it, thats all you need when you are pregnant/have a young child. You should tell him you are not willing to put up with it and tell him if he doesnt stop you will leave him and see what he says. Infact, send him a link to this web page and let him know just what other women think of what he is doing so he doesnt even think about saying you are being unfair! I think he is a cheeky piss taking so and so and thats putting it politley. You deserve more than that for sure. All the best hun xxx
  • Why is he in touch with this girl? And if it's all as innocent as he;s making it out 2b and they're just m8's then why aren't u and baby mentioned? Don't mean 2b blunt but as elouise said i wouldn't have it either. U dnt know what's being said in these letters or on this web page. My friend was in a similar situation and she went on the dating site and pretended 2b someone else and sent her fella some suggestive messages and she caught him that way. I hope it is all innocent but from what you've said no i don't think it's right and it does sound slightly suspect. Hope it all works out 4 the best X
  • ps i think he went mad when u decided 2 play him at his own game because he knows his own tricks best hun and he is fully aware of why people join these dating websites XX
  • Hello Joey, tink I agree with Karla you guys need to talk about it face to face. That's the only way u will know what his reasons were in the first place also u will be able to get some terrible tots going thru u out of your head.Believe communications to be the key. Wish u the best of luck.
  • Hi, im sorry but i agree with everything eva says, you deserve so much better! xx
  • Mind u though it's easy 4 all us from the outside 2 just say "get rid!" but obviously it's not gonna be that easy as ur married with a baby on the way. Do any of ur family know about this? As they know ur hubby and ur situation. Or do u no anyone who's been in a similar situation? Hope it all works out anyway x
  • ryt guys, i av sent a txt sayin he chooses me or all this girl situation, no give no take!! i ad 2 text because that only way we get intouch and when he calls. do you think that right? J x
  • sent you an emai;l
  • lynn not got it
  • any luck yet
  • any luck yet
  • do u have msn
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