Secrets - partner masturbating in bed while i'm asleep

Hi,

I would really like some advice. It’s a bit long I’ll be quick as I can

Recently I found out my partner has been wanking in bed next to me when I’m asleep, he’s been doing it for 6 months and has chosen to do this only on a weekend whilst I’m in a deeper sleep (I get help with children and enjoy a wine) the night I found out, he turned sex down but then went on to do it himself. I must stress that I’m not against wanking and this isn’t the problem, I hate the thought of him doing it next to me yes, I feel insulted and because of the days he’s choosing to do this, I feel it’s planned into his weekend so I’m thinking, what are you upto, no he’s not having an affair but I’m questioning why it’s gone on so long and if there’s more too it! He denys porn or anything on his phone. 

This has caused a major problem for us. He said he’ll never do it again. We’ve started having sex a lot more, from 1-2 a week to 5-6 times. This is a bit gross... but the other night (on a weekend) we had sex, then I noticed stains on his tshirt, he insists it was from clean up but the amount on there doesn’t seem possible, to me its wank stains, he said the stains are from me but it’s semen. I’m not bothered about wanking but is he going behind my back and lying to me!? Please help me.

Posts

  • Hi hun. This is a difficult situation and although you say that you are not bothered about your partner wanking it probably comes across to him that you are bothered. If its the idea of him being next to you whilst you are sleeping that bothers you then try and explain that and suggest he does it else where. 

    you also say you now have sex more. Is that because you want it  more or because both of you now feel under pressure? 

    i think most men like to wank and are not always honest because they worry that the woman will feel its because they are not doing something right. This often isnt the case at all. 

    I think the best thing you can do is try talking again. try to explain how you really feel and allow him to talk too. sexual intamacy can really effect relationships and the last thing you want to be thinking is “is he lying”. neither of you want to be under pressue to have sex either. So honestly i would talk it out. 

    not sure i have really helped! But i hope you get somewhere

  • I agree, Sebbie1952, men like to do this. Mummy1986x, but you may do it together, maybe to each other, maybe to yourself but watching each other. Sometimes it's great and it may make you both closer to each other. Of cause, he may want to do it with his own, without you, but you may try.

    But if you have sex and everything is ok, why don't you want to do it?

    Wish you all the best!

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