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What to do?

Sorry I have no one to talk to hence why I've come on here for advice so I must say sorry if my post is a little hectic I just have so much to say.

I'll start of with I have a 15 month old and I'm due my second next month. Ive been with my partner on and of for 9 years. In this time we had a break where he slept with a lass who purposely broke us up (he said it was my fault we broke up as I was jealous of her, he was always meeting her and messageing her all day everyday) he nearlly had a baby with this girl. He also slept with another lass. Throughout all this I never slept with anymore just received a dirty photo which he said was just as bad as sleeping with someone.

From the beginning my 15 month old has been a really bad sleeper. My partner never helped with the night time feedings so I was always tired as she wouldn't sleep unless on me. Roll on to now and she is a very bad sleeper she'll sleep in her cot for a few hours then up and it always ends up with her sleeping with me in the single bed in her room as he never helps putting her to bed or even putting her down for naps. He never helped much with her to be honest never did the weaning stage or even now doesn't feed her unless out and about mainly to make others think he helps and esp if he's out with his mum . He tells her I've told him he's done it wrong or I hover over him watching him do things when I never have. (he was a only child, and his mum did everything for him, hence why he is the way he is now) He hardly gave me any money towards buying stuff for her either. And now as he claims for her gives me a extra £100 a month. Must admit he's very tight with his money and is driven by it even though he says I am and he's not. He's the one with £20,000+ in his bank and I have to budget my money and I'm always stint at the end of the month. 

When I found out I was pregnant a second time he got it into his head he had a terminal illness as he has a bad case of piles. So he was going to the doctors, a and e, walking and ringing 111 and paying for mri and xray all coming back negative for cancer on top of having anxiety and depression and crying all the time. And I supported him as much as I could telling him what could help being someone to cry on even though I got it thrown in my face that I wasn't supportive and when they find out what's wrong I can shove my apology up my ass he doesn't want it. So made me think how much of a coincidence my pregnancy and his illness happened at the same time. Must say he cheated on me with a man he did a act on this man as it was the only time he wasn't stressed anymore and was having a laugh so yes I forgave him but he got it into his head he had hiv aswell so constantly getting bloods done for it. 

When he was really down he asked me to marry him so yes as I love him he got me a nice ring I picked out. He said he would change for me and help out more, and I humoured him and said I believed him. 

Roll on to today, we argue all the time. He constantly winds me up and by that it is hard to explain unless you see it for yourself. But he'll jump up and down saying stupid sayings which relate to sex or women like "right in the gob or pretends to have sex with someone. Or will hit the wall and shout" f*ckkkkkk!" he definitely has adult adhd as his mum said he use to be like that at home. He also comes up to me and feels my leg up which you probably thinks is nothing but when I've been up for 3 hours already and he's getting up at 8am full of energy and find it funny to annoy me to the stage I just want to hit him one. Then wonders why I'm so tired and when I say why he turns it around onto himself and rolls of a list of his "symptoms" and wonders why I don't want be intimate every single night then I get from him "well I'm a man and I'm always horny and no wonder I look at other women" and has asked if he can get a fake vagina so he doesn't have to ask me for sex because I just "complain" all the time.

I do everything in the house the washing up, washing everyones clothes and making sometimes 3 different teas/lunches picking up after him as he never puts anything away. He says I don't do as much as I think I do as I hardly clean the house which he said he would do as I do everything else. He says I whinge all the time and no wonder no one bothers with me. I have no friends just him and a lass I talk to online who rarely speaks to me anymore as shes got her own problemss at the moment. So all this going on in my own life I feel so lonely and he makes me feel like I'm a really bad person when I know I'm not. If i was so selfish I wouldn't do everything for him.

I know in my heart I have to leave him as hell never change as he thinks there is nothing wrong with him but thinks i should change. I don't know what to do. I tell his mum what he's like but I know he's got the wool over her eyes. Im just so lost and I know I deserve better than this. 

Replies

  • Hi hun, i know it has been a little while since you posted and i hope you are ok. I feel that in your heart you know you should leave your partner and to be honest it seems to me that you would be better off without him

    you are still quite young and your partner seems very controlling. Its not right the way he uses sex against you. I really recommend talking to womens aid. There will be some where local to you and they are really good at helping you to work through things. No pressure to leave your partner but lots of support if you choose too. They will help you understand that how he is is not right and also give you the right advice and support about money of you want to leave.

    life is hard and relationships are a challenge but you have given this one a good go, give yourself a chance to be happy and move one x
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