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Verbal abuse during pregnancy

Hi, my partner is the loveliest person ever but when he drinks he turns into someone else. Was supposed to be staying at his sisters tonight and I knew I was holding them back from going to a party across the road so I said I would go to bed, I couldn't sleep so told him I was going to go home but everyone convinced him to come with me. On the car journey home he told me I was a horrible person, he was going to smash my car up, everyone hates me and that I should get an abortion. I know it's bad but I'm used to it, it's the same everytime he drinks. Then the next morning he will appologies l, it happens time after time.

I know he wouldnt physically hurt me but I really do not know what to do, we live together but i have had enough, i live 400 miles away from my family and dont really have any friends here so would love to just move home but I dont know what yo do because obviously I'm pregnant.

I feel so stupid for posting this on here but really need some advice. I know most people will tell me just to leave him but I dont find it's that easy because of my current situation. 

Replies

  • It’s not easy if you are having his baby but he shouldn’t treat you like this. It’s unfair and unacceptable. I suppose the 2 big questions are- do you love him and can he change???
    Is there any chance he’d give up alcohol while you have, for the baby? You’ll be very emotional and hormonal at the moment! 
    In fairness he’s going to have to do something because you deserve much better. 
    Would he move closer to your family and friends so you don’t feel so isolated???
    you need to explain to him, when he’s sober just how bad he is drunk and make him see that it’s unfair and you’re not willing to put up with it anymore. You have a baby in the way that you both need to protect!xxxx
  • I was in the same position as you but stayed for my kids. Things turned physically abusing on both ends. A few years later I left for good with my kids. I kept believing that he was sorry, and his cries saying he'll change, he loves me and can't cope without me ect. I really believed him and felt like my gut was being ripped out when i left. He's still apart of my kids lives but is out of mine and I've never felt happier (I wouldn't have thought this when I was in your shoes tho). My advice to you is say you need a break. With the pregnancy and everything going on you need to get your thoughts together. Go stay with family or friends and focus on what's is important which at this time is you and your baby. This is a situation no one should be in. Maybe some alone time for him will also give him a wake up call. But first and foremost you need to be stress free and feel free to do and say as you please without any worry. Hope it all works out for you.
  • In all honesty unless he is willing to change I would consider what you really want. Alcohol is not an excuse. He should not speak to you that way. 

    It is always worth talking to him and expressing how you feel.maybe he will take it on board and work something out. If not I would decide what you want and think about moving closer to family. 

    Whatever decision you make, you always have the option to change your mind! So try not to put too much pressure on yourself x


  • I feel your pain. It's so hard to leave someone you love even though they treat you like crap. I agree take some time and then come to a decision when he can miss you he could change. 
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