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Moving countries! Have you done this to live in your SO’s country?

My fiancé and I have always had a long distance relationship. He lives in Turkey and I live in the USA. Basically, I need help with how to tell my dad and how to deal with the backlash following. 😂

My dad and I are very close, and though I know he will miss me, he would never want to hold me back from following my heart. That being said, he told me he doesn’t understand why I would want to leave the USA. He says this is the best place I could ever be.

I live a very fortunate lifestyle and I work hard for what I have. My fiancé lives in a beautiful district of Istanbul on the European side. I don’t have any concern about my safety in Istanbul vs in the USA. In fact, I look forward to not having to lose sleep over my healthcare, or choose between the doctor or my groceries for the week. I currently have three jobs. One full time, one PRN, & one independent contractor.

What I want to know is if you’ve gone through the same or a similar situation? My fiancé is unfathomably amazing and says we/I will visit my dad whenever I want, but dad is 70 with CHF & COPD, yet he still smokes and works in his yard and the garage like a 30 year old. I worry about not being there immediately if something happened to him. My brother lives less than ten minutes away from dad, but still. I feel like I am my dad’s buddy & he tells me more about his health than my brother.

I feel like his pacemaker might explode at the thought of his daughter moving to Turkey, because he is not knowledgeable about Turkey, just as I was before I met my fiancé. Growing up in the Bible Belt, I feel like schools grouped together all the Middle Eastern countries and associated them with terrorism, radical groups, etc... look at what took place at our capitol on January 6th... radical group, terrorism. 🤷🏼‍♀️

anyhoo, this is longer than I intended. Am I naive? Being blinded by the heart? Is there something you want to make sure I have considered? Do you have advice? Am I a POS for leaving my 70 year old dad? For context, I am a 27 year old female unaffiliated progressive, and he is a 29 year old progressive. His family is amazing, open minded people. They welcomed me with open arms and are so loving.

Replies

  • Has your father met your fiancé before? Where did you meet him if you don't mind me asking?

  • I have not personally relocated but my parents moved from the uk to usa when i was 19 and we have managed that relationship since.

    what i will say is that as I have got older and had my own children I have really missed the support from my parents. Not having them near by to help. With covid stopping travelling too its been tough.

    i would advise really researching the area where your fiance lives. Make sure you know what rights women have and what will be expected of you. Have yo visited often? Could you go for a few weeks to see how it is? Would your fiance move to usa?

    usa is very different to other countries, for example we have had much tighter covid restrictions here in the uk than usa. I know you worry about health insurance but on the whole my parents have received outstanding health care in the usa. In the uk it can be very difficult to even get a dentist to see you! And waiting lists can be long. Even the way we give birth over here is different. Take in to consideration the language barrier, and if you want to have children what will it be like giving birth in another country. 

    Anything is possible and if you want to go that is your choice you have to do what is right for you

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