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o/t but need to write this down as i feel so alone.

well, iv only been wed 6months and its over-i know its over and i just dont know what to do. it has been very turbulent and i have posted before but it has really got so nasty.

he has spent months 'getting evidence' on me and how im playing games with him and how i have affairs with everyone(he even thinks i take our son to men's houses where i have sex with them. yesterday he told me to leave if it wasnt happy and that our son would stay with him and how iv stumped his development as im 'too ott.'he talks about how women are all cheating liars all the time in front of our son,which i think is bad for lo as it will wreck his view of women.i just lost it and told him, there was no-way he would take my son from me and as im not a danger to our son no court in the land would give him sole custody.he was sayin 'you want to bet.'can he take my son from me?then today i find a pad that he has written all arguments down,what iv said and how hysterical i am-i presume this is his 'evidence.' he refuses to leave-its in my name-because he says that it is his 'matrimonal home,'so there is no-way i can make him leave.i just dont know what to do,this environment is not good for our son and we havent spoken to each other all day as i cant bring myself gonna sleep downstairs tonight as i dont want him anywhere near me.we were planning another baby but obviously that is never going to happen only 25.i also think il end raising my son by myself if he leaves, that worries me for my son.we have tried talking about our issues but he just forces his opinion on me til i so exhausted i give in.sorry for the depressing post-just have no-one to talk to-hes made sure of


  • oh my gosh im really sorry for what your going through

    can i ask is your O/H ok,like has he had any trauma,problems with women or anything,im only asking because i find his behaviour very strange and him generalizing women as 'cheating liars' and his whole taking notes or arguments,maybe he needs to see a counselor or something,get out whatever hes feeling

    im most cases a court will side in favour of the mother/female so i don't think you have to worry about that but if your arguing all the time maybe its best to ask him to leave for a bit

    single mothers bring up just as good children as mums and dads do together and im sure you will be just fine if it comes to that,better environment for your son away from arguments and the views of your O/H

  • thank you ladies for your replies.grudie-he had a really traumatic upbringing where he witnessed his dad beat his mum up, his dad beat him, dad favoured his sister, dad had an affair and left the family home, he was kicked out by his mum and then his dad, he was homeless at 15 and used cannabis for years. i think thats why i put up with alot as i really feel for him and i know underneath all this crap is a really nice bloke cos he does poke his head out every now and then and he is actually a really good dad to our son.i just feel drained by it all and trapped.i am going to go CAB kathryn and get some legal advice so i can rest assured that he cant take lo. i will then make the decison that needs to be made.thank you again
  • Hi hon, sorry you're going through this - sounds like you have been very patient with him and his issues, but there comes a time when enough is enough. Sounds like he has had an awful time and I suppose it goes some way in explaining his treatment of you, but I dont think it excuses it. If he wants any chance of putting his horrible past behind him he needs to stop turning on those who love him (you!).

    Rest assured, no matter how much evidence he has collected on you, he is highly unlikely to get custody of your son. The courts always rule in favour of the mother unless she has SERIOUS problems, ie is alcoholic, drg addict or poses a serious risk to the child. Hysteria and arguing with your hubby won't do it!

    Definitely agee with the visit to CAB and really hope you can get a bit of time to yourself to think this through, I can totally understand you feeling trapped. Can you and lo get away for a bit? Removing yourself fromt he situation may help you see everything clearer.

    Hope you start feeling better soon hon.


  • hi mims,i agree,enough is enough now and i feel like we are going through the motions.he was lovely to e yesterday.i also agree that there comes a point that i cant excuse it anymore so i will be doing what is in the best interest of our child not what he thinks should happen.

    thank you for the reassurance about lo, it makes me feel sick at the thought of him taking lo away.

    going to see CAB this week without him knowing and see what my rights are. also i have nowhere to go as all my family live miles away,his live 20mins away and he wont also worries me that if i leave the house he will change the locks.

    hope things do improve for us,whatever
  • hun can u enable your email button so I can message u? xx
  • how do you do it?im so

    done it!xxx

    [Modified by: babyfizz on February 06, 2010 10:31 AM]

  • G/C here but it came up on front page.

    I am a family law solicitor and I think you really need to see one. The CAB are duty solicitors on rota (I do it myself) They won't be able to open a file for you or represent you at Court if it goes that far.

    If you are not working it may be that you qualify for legal help but if not most solicitors will give you at least half an hours free advice.

    I know you may not want to go through the in's and out's of it on here so you can e-mail me if you need to or I can reply on here.

    I hope you don't mind me saying, but your husband sounds like a bully and is trying to tell you what "will or won't" happen if you separate. In my experience this is classic controlling behaviour which will never get better unless he seeks help x x
  • MP-thank you,i do work but im sure if it went to court my parents would foot the bill.
    thats exactly what he is-here's the real irony im a mental health nurse and can spot the signs of a controlling bully and how i should react and here is the really awful bit-i almost think if he hit me at least i can kick him out with no repercussions. i keep hoping he has changed but then he goes back to been a hurtful bully. he is so nasty and has told me he has been to see a solicitor and he will get everything.that scares me,not him,im not scared of him at all,he just makes me sad and angry when he thinks he can control me and tell me what to
  • Babyfizz, I can promise you that no solicitor would have told him this! I have people come to see me and their oh's have told them all sorts. He knows that this is what you are worrying about and is playing on it.

    When you deal with assests in a divorce the very general basis is a 50/50 split however what will sway it in your favour is the fact that you have a very young child to care for. The Court's primary consideration in financial matters is that the child has a place to live. That is not to say that he will walk away with nothing but he may have to wait a few years to get it if no lump sum could be raised to pay him off if there is any equity in your house or you have any other substantial assets.

    This is obviously very generic advice as I don't know your circumstances.

    I would advice you to see a solicitor and and when you book if they give an hours free advice if you don't qualify for legal help. That way if you do proceed you don't then have to pay for the same information to be taken again or repeat it all over again to someone else.

    I hope this helps and if you need anything else I'll keep checking this thread. x x
  • Is it ok to email you about your post? I dont want to get you in 'trouble' if he reads your emails? xx
  • if you email me,itl be fine,il read,reply and delete probably as i dont trust he wont do it again.thank
  • Oh sweetheart you have to get out of there. That's bad enough behaviour towards you but when you have a lo as well I can't believe he says all that stuff in front of a child!

    Get yourself a solicitor - will set your mind at rest that he won't get 'everything' - in fact him being like this will probably result in him getting less. My sister was in a similar relationship with a bully (thankfully never hit her) and stayed with him for years before leaving; she said it was the best thing she ever did.

    You just have to be strong, for lo and yourself. And just remember we are all here if you ever need a rant!!

    Hugs, Kel xxx
  • I dont have anything else to add but just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear this story. Good luck to you Im sure you will comeout the other side a better and more importantly happier person x x
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