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explaining death to a 4 year old?
Any advice on explaining death to a 4 1/2 year old? My gran died on new years eve and it was very sudden and unexpected. we are going out there tomorrow to visit my grandad and also my aunts who are staying with him at the moment.
we have mentioned death and dying before but not really in a way that he understands completely. when my mums mum died earlier in the year she had been poorly for a while and he hadn't seen her for sometime. he knew she was poorly and we told her that she'd died but he hasn't missed her or been upset, although he still remembers going to visit her and will mention her if we got that way on the road.
when i told him we were going to see grandad tomorrow and great aunt julie he shouted yay we're going to GGs. I was really upset and didn't know what to say so I just said she wouldn't be there tomorrow. I didn't want to start having a conversation about death and dying just before bedtime because I think he has some understanding about it being very sad but I didn't want him getting anxious or having bad dreams.
I will have to mention it before we go as I don't really want him bursting in and saying where's GG?
so any advice welcome - thanks.
we have mentioned death and dying before but not really in a way that he understands completely. when my mums mum died earlier in the year she had been poorly for a while and he hadn't seen her for sometime. he knew she was poorly and we told her that she'd died but he hasn't missed her or been upset, although he still remembers going to visit her and will mention her if we got that way on the road.
when i told him we were going to see grandad tomorrow and great aunt julie he shouted yay we're going to GGs. I was really upset and didn't know what to say so I just said she wouldn't be there tomorrow. I didn't want to start having a conversation about death and dying just before bedtime because I think he has some understanding about it being very sad but I didn't want him getting anxious or having bad dreams.
I will have to mention it before we go as I don't really want him bursting in and saying where's GG?
so any advice welcome - thanks.
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Replies
This is a personal thing, but when explaining death to young children I like to say that they have gone to Heaven. I explained to him that Gran was very old, and when people are old they sometimes die and go up to Heaven in the sky. We also showed him a star and told him that G was up there looking down on us all.
I would say it would probably be a good thing to try explaining to him before you visit, to try and avoid any upsets there. I think 4 is a little young to really understand death - but as you say he may just get upset by her not being there.
It's not comparable obviously, but when our cat died a few years ago we had to take him to the vets to be put to sleep. I explained that he had died and I was very upset - A few weeks later we actually walked past the vet and ds1 said, oh that's where Pud is, can't we go and get him? So maybe they just understand the practicalities of people 'not being there anymore' at this age, not actually death itself.
Its so difficult -Hope this helps a bit.
Mxx
they seem to just accept that.
really sorry for your loss, hope your all ok x