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letting the go out to play with friends alone - what age
At what age would you or did you let your child start to go out playing with there friends alone.
my son is now 8 and i still feel its to young, there are boys of 6/7 that are out playing at night up till 8.30 - 9pm this is on school nights as well.
I know i cant keep him in for ever but i just dont feel its safe at such a young age, i had problems when i was younger being followed by strangers in cars on my way home from school and just remembering it makes me panic, recently where we live girls in primary school and still in there uniforms where stoped by guys in a car 17/18 years old asking them for there numbers so i have all this to deal with when my daughter is a little older. but for now should i let me son go out on his own with his friends and if so how do i controle where he dose and dose not go.
my son is now 8 and i still feel its to young, there are boys of 6/7 that are out playing at night up till 8.30 - 9pm this is on school nights as well.
I know i cant keep him in for ever but i just dont feel its safe at such a young age, i had problems when i was younger being followed by strangers in cars on my way home from school and just remembering it makes me panic, recently where we live girls in primary school and still in there uniforms where stoped by guys in a car 17/18 years old asking them for there numbers so i have all this to deal with when my daughter is a little older. but for now should i let me son go out on his own with his friends and if so how do i controle where he dose and dose not go.
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He also begs me to play out, but we live on a horrible road (a bus route), horrible kids, horrible adults, its just the worst and we are desperate to move out!
He started playing a couple of years ago with some kids (a boy and girl who were brother and sister) I used to let him go up the road and knock for them when he was 7 and I gave him a mobile and told him I'd ring when its time to come home, he never answered, or one of the little brats he was with did and put on stupid voices! it really annoyed me! hubby used to have to go get him in the end.
The parents invited us to a BBQ (for adults) but we didn't go as wanted some quality time and my Son has gone to see his Dad for the weekend.
Since then they blew my son out totally, were always 'busy' when he called, NEVER came to us for over a year - then suddenly they called for my Son! I felt really chuffed for him, so he went out and my hubby said to them all "where are you going then?" they said they were going back to their house to play. Off he went.
20 minutes later, my son walked through the door. All quiet. Aparently they had taken him straight up to the really dodgy end of the road and round the corner into a horrible estate to go to another boys house (that my son didn't know) when they got there the two mates he DID know told him he couldn't go in with them as they had a big dog and he didn't like strangers. So my son had the door shut in his face and had to walk back on his own! its bloody miles away! I WAS FUMING!!! the bigger sister is about 10 and I'm sure they did this on purpose to him.
I said, dont worrry we'll play something together, but he wanted to go out on his bike and I felt sorry for him, so I let him ride round the row of houses we live in which goes behind out house so I could see him. He then came back in asking for pens and paper saying "theyre back and I can play now they want some pens and paper" I wasn't happy about it but let him take some and I sneakily watched him go up to their house. They shut the door on him and found it highly amusing to keep ducking and hiding in their porchway (not knowing I could see them!) my poor son thought they were playing with him not knowing they were bascially using him for entertainment.
So I called him back in, and we all played in the garden on is trampoline! me included! lol and I WILL NOT let him play with them ever.
So thats it, my Son has no friends round here as all his mates live nearer his school (which is a much nicer area but we cant afford it!) so weekends are hard, we always have to find something to do to entertain him, there's nowhere to play here, no parks, just main roads and chavs and nasty kids everywhere who will say "f off you cu==" without hesitation!
I share custody with his Dad who lives much closer to his school, and his friends, although he does spend an extra day and night with me, I HATE it here and wish we could afford better for him! and I get it rubbed in my face from my son about how amazing it is at his dads, he has endless funds to entertain him and has all his mates round for sleepovers or to play etc etc. I think it wont be long before he doesn't wnnt to bother coming here! I think soon as he's old enough to find his own way home, he'll just go to his dads all the time!
GUTTED
If I lived somewhere great, in a cul de sac with loads of other children who shared my sons school and all the other parents gave a crap where their kids were then he would have been playing 'out' at the age of 6! but where I am........................ 20!
funny my ds1 has started playing out on the street (past few weeks) and I feel so lost!!! We usually did ann activity together every day (some quality time) but all he wants to do is go out on the street
It completely depends on where you live, where they want to go and who they will be with. also if they have to cross a road.
It also depends on how much you trust your son. My son is basically a good boy but he recently had some older friends call for him. at the time he was still 4 so I went too. I pretty much let him get on with it but he wanted to do everything they did including climbing a big tree that he got stuck on and i had to get him down. this is boys stuff but at the moment he won't listen to sensible advice and if i can't tell him 'no don't climb that tree you'll get stuck' its hardly fair to expect the 11 year olds to have to take responsiblity for him which is basically what i would be expecting them to do if i let him out with them!
I think initialy I would let him out for half an hour and keep an eye out the window - go to collect him myself rather than expect him to remember to come back. join him for the remainder of the play time i think age 8 or 9 would probably be the time i would be thinking of letting him out and also on very restrictive/specific instructions. so he is allowed to go to the park, he must not go anywhere else, he must come back at a specific time, if he is invited to a friends house he must come straight back and tell me first...etc
please let us know how you get on cos in a few years this will be me!!!
i am so lucky, i live in a quiet dead end road off a quiet road in a little village. there are alot of children that we know around they all go to the same school and look out for each other. my daughter is 5 and i let her ride her bike up and down our road on her own or if she is called on i will let her go as far as the park ( if you stand at my gate you can see it). if we didnt live in such a safe place i wouldnt let her out as i think that she is atill very young but here i feel safe enough to let her. x
[Modified by: flickaty on August 09, 2010 04:09 PM]
We are lucky to live in a cul-de-sac and close to her school but none of her school friends live near by and the friends she has near us are about 2yrs younger. If they were her age I'd have to let her venture further afield which i'm dreading to be honest.
She also keeps asking when she can go to the local shop - 10min walk each way and across zebra crossing but i'm not quite ready for that yet. When I was her age I lived in Newcastle and was allowed to get the metro in to the city centre with friends!!
Just another of those challenging parent moments! xx
[Modified by: wildthing on August 29, 2010 09:18 PM]