The case of the 'bad mum' feels
I started off thinking it was just a bad day, then I thought no.. It's been building up a while. I've had that 'your such a bad mum' feeling creeping up on me for weeks.
Our lives have been kinda hectic lately, my family home was sold, my partner, child and me plus a belly baby had no where to go. So we had to stay at my partners dads until we found a home. I thought I was fine with that, but we were all cooped up downstairs and I felt like I lost all my independence and became depressed.
My little girl had to see me in bed, like all the time. Finally, we score a house, we find out were having a boy and we start the big move! It was a tiring few days as moving always is, however I felt like myself again, back in routine absolutely smashing it.
Then the painters hadn't finished their work and we had to squash everything in every room to the middle and instead of doing the skirting and walls first so we could move our furniture back they decided to leave it until days later, taking their sweet time. Rocking up at 7:30am and staying until late afternoon. I felt like I was going nuts!
Finally it's over with, everything is back to normal. Once again, I'm absolutely smashing it. Feeling like a champion with a tiny little voice on my shoulder whispering "I feel sorry for your daughter, whenever she's not in school she's just sitting around here looking at you! " ouch. Then again "stop being so selfish and go for a walk or something, surely you can push through the tiredness and back aches, no? lazy. " and today it's just all hit me and I'm so frustrated and I feel exhausted and today's the day my daughter decides to poke and prod and push all my buttons.
I got the bad mum feels. I know I'm not a bad mum at all, I just feel like I could be so much more! It gets me down. Listen to me, blabbering on about pure turd. I guess I needed a vent. I want to feel normal again and have it all together, but I don't.