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Just what do I do????

My husband left me and our 18 week old baby 17 days ago now. Initially he said he needed a break but then a week later told me that he didnt love me in that way anymore and there was no point in coming back when his heart isnt in it.
He says there is no one else and I have to believe that. I am just feeling so hopeless and unwanted, ugly rejected I could go on but I wont.
I look any my son and feel so guilty that he is going to be brought up without his dad. I love him so much and just wish he would change his mind. Im dreading the thought of him finding someone else. Who is gonna want me??? My last ex cheated on me and this one just decided one day he fell out of love.
The mortgage is in my name and I cant afford to go back to work full time I dont know how ill manage. I have a ??200 p/m loan for the car too. He says he will pay the mortgage but what happens 6-12 months down the line if and when he finds someone else and realises he has no money to tale her out, will he change his mind. Why am I so unloveable????


  • Ahh hun! i'm so sorry you're in this situation! i've just read your post.

    All i can say is that it's early days yet and this new situation is all so new for you-a shock to the system. Give youself some time and ypu'll find your feet.

    Don't get thinking you're unloveable! why did you go on a break? can it be worked out? You're not ugly or hopeless! you have been rejected but only by your ex-your baby and family and friends still need you!!

    In the mean time-it's time to get tough! You have to do what's best for you and your little one. you need to get mentally strong for the sake of your own sanity and so that you can be the best mom for your child.

    Keep you friends and family close-they'll be a tower of strength and support (hopefully). But always remember-you're not the first woman to find herself in this position and you most certainly won't be the last. Lots of woman are better off for it at least emotionally i.e. if it was an unhealthy relationship. Make your baby proud and yourself proud. Build up confidence in your own ability and you'll be a better person in general for it.

    in terms of the house-it's a difficult one really. it sounds as if its the thought of being dependant on him to pay the mortgage witht the risk of him just deciding not to pay anymore one day hanging over you which may be doing your head in most. i really don't know what to suggest! sorry! maybe you could speak to your bank to discuss your options??? you know your husband best so do you really think this is something he may do?

    Sorry if this hasn't helped but you sound like you're giving yourself a hard time and you shouldn't punish yourself for something you can't control. The fact of the matter is that you can't control the actions of your husband and if he's made a decision then there's not much that you can do about it.. BUT you CAN control how you come out of this!!! I know it's not easy and you need time to adjust but slowly yet surely you'll begin to pick yourself up and surprise yourself with the strength you gain from this. I'm sure they'll be good and bad days but take them hand in hand. Us women are stronger than you may think-because we have to be!!! My prayers are with you.

    Go and give your baby a big cuddle, have a good cry and begin to believe in yourself! xxx
  • I know you are right but its so hard at the moment. I love him deeply and cant help wishing it were different. Im going to have to see him all the time because of our son so its going to take so much longer to get over him; Plus, if and when he finds someone else, I will know about it and it will kill me inside to know that he's moved on and giving the love he used to give me, to someone else.

    It's happened to me twice now, been dumped by men. I didnt have a child before but he cheated on me. I dont think I will ever trust a man again. They just keep hurting me.

    Thanks for your advice though xx
  • I'm in the same boat here with my girlfriend going back with her ex and I can't help when I see her I think I still love her but you have to let it go after a while OK!

    We are going through court to fight for who will look's after baby Jonathan but weigh up your options here's some suggestions:

    1 = Jobcentre to get income support and housing benefit because be realistic your not gonna be able to do both now.

    2 = Social services in your area and the Mental Health team through your doctor can help in stressful situations.

    3 = keenbeen, is right about seeing if you can have as much support from you family and friends and possible check to see if family can take you in.

  • Hi im a single parent and at first i too had all those same thoughts as you but i think thats only normal and you will find things do get easier in time!!
    I too own my own house and i took a 6month holiday from paying,i think theres a ??33 pound charge for doing this,maybe ring them up and see about it,it certainly helped me get back on my feet for those 6mths free from paying..also visit the jobcentre they can go over what help you will get and be able to give you all the ness forms...
    If you end up going on income support then you will get some other help too...
    Though as someone else said friends and family are invaluable as it can get quite lonely sending you hugs!x
  • Thanks, I hope your all right. I go back to work in Jan. Im already having a 6 mnth mprtgage break its due to start again in April. My ex says he will pay the mortgage for as long as I need as its the least he can do. Just need to figure out what benefits I can get now.

    Its so mind blowing isnt it?????????

    I wish I knew why it happened but guess I never will! I know in time ill stop missing him but am dreading the day he tells me he has met someone else, cause I know all these feelings will come back again and ill feel devestated all over.
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