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now he is ready, wot a cheek!!!!

to cut a long long long story short basically split up with my ex wen my son was 3 he is now 6 he has never been there for our son to help out, ie school clothes and things he needs. he has never been properly ter for harley and doesnt turn up wen he says he will. i have learnt not to tell my son that daddy is coming.

Basically he hasnt seen or heard from his dad in 7 months, and then out of the blue the other day i recieved a text saying he is ready to starts seeing him again!! i couldnt believe it i was so mad, its like he picks and cooses wen he wants to see our son. i think he looks at it like its a chore. so any way i text him bac with a few home truths, and he says it will be different this time!! but how many times have i heard that come from his mouth.

At the end of the day ive got my sons best interests at heart and i really dont know wot to do and whether to just let his dad have him again, its not like harley talks about him and asks wer he is. but i just want to make the rite decision as i dont want my son confused. so shall i let him turn up wen ever he likes, all completely cut off all contact??? ur opinions will be really appreciated. im fed up with harleys dad not being ter at all, but if i cut all contact will harley hate me for it wen he is older?? i just dont know wot is best!! i dont feel harley is old enough to make his own decision being so young.

im just going out my mind with not knowing wot to do. please help. xxx


  • hi hunny. i'm going through a simliar thing.
    i only split from my ex 3 months ago and we have a 14month my post...'am i being selfish and unreasonable' get a picture of what has been going on.
    since then i have seen a solicitor and she says i have every right to say he can only see her here for now. if he decides to go through a court he will end up with alot worse than what i'm offering. it'd be a couple of hours every other week in a contact centre...if he's lucky coz of his criminal record...he's been arrested a few times before the latest incident.
    the fact he doesn't turn up at the agreed time, if at all, automatically goes against him so they will say he has to have supervised visits for at least 3 months.
    if your ex hasn't seen your son for the last 7 months...either tell him he can come see him at your house to get a bond going again and see how things go and if he can stick to te times you agree...or go to a solicitor and get a lawfully binding agreement or something.
    i worry rhianna might hold it against me when she's older, but like the solicitor said, i'm not stopping him from seeing her, i'm just trying to do best by her and ensure she's safe and happy at all times.
    i wouldn't let him take your son until he can prove he has changed,only offer visits at your house or somewhere mutual. as long as harley can see you have never stopped any access...he will never judge or resent you, no matter what his dad tells him. maybe you could try talking to harley and explain daddy would like to come see him again and see how he feels, at least then he'll know you've put thought into it and considered his feelings, even though he is a little young to understand fully, he will understand a bit.
    i just strongly believe we shouldn't stop them from seeing their dads, unless they would be put in danger.
    try not to lose to much sleep over it though hunny, hope it all gets sorted for you soon.
    let me know how you get on and what happens.

  • hey hun i am louise and i have two children and have been a single mum for nearly 3 years well ever since my little girl was born and she will be 3 on friday and i know it's not fair but i will say this to you but you need to put your foot down and tell him no and he can see your son but you will call the shots and if you don't he will walk all over you and with him coming in and out of your son life that not fair and your child won't know if he is coming or going and it is fair to do that to a child.

    i hope i have helped you a little.

    love louise xxxxxxxxxxx
  • hiya huni

    i have had the same situation as my eldest dad hasnt seen her since she was one n she is now 3 my partner now has raised her since she was ten months her actual dad chose a new girlfriend over her they split up and about 4months ago decided he wanted to see her n i said NO as 1 he never paid shit all for her ie food,cloths, toys nothin 2 like i said to him whats her fav food,nursery ryhyme, what number can she count to loads of stuff like this n he cudnt answer one and 3 she calls andy my oh daddy n thinks the world of him (sorry goin on)

    my point is ur LO wont hate u for cuttin a man like that out his life as i no my little girl wont infact she will proble thank me

    sorry if i went on

    do what u feel is right as i did what i felt was right for my LO

    x good luck x
  • Hi. i told my ex that the next time h lets our 8month old down it'l be the last, he let her down on fri he text me n told me he wsnt comin 2 see her cuz he was goin out with his mates, wtf!!!! i stuck to my guns an told him that was it now coz im not havin him treat her like crap. Its been waaay over 48 hours now and i havent heard anythin from him, shows how much he cares doesn't it? x x
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