Family life & relationships
IGNORE SORRY ABOUT THIS
Sep 28, 2008 9:30AM
Sorry someone i know has joined be and i need to erase my information, as she is so concerned with reading them!
[Modified by: removed on 15 September 2009 11:01:53 ]
Jul 6, 2008 12:43PM
Hi, this is a tough one, but only you can make this decision! there are no guarantees of either of these men but also what are his exs motives? why record t conversation? does she want him back? Ultimatley you must do what is best for you and baby, even if it means spending time on your own. Im sorry i cant give you the answers, i hope everything works out for you and baby whateverdecision you make xx
Jul 6, 2008 2:14PM
Hi, My ex walked all over me a soon as i got pregnant and we broke up not long after our daughter was born, then he'd mess us round and id throw him out thernn he' be back an it continued for months, dont get me wrong he was a great bf and dad at times but no matter what he always was selfish and let us down again so no, i dont believe ;leapords change there spots....if i was you i wouldnt go back there your worth more than that he doesnt even deserve you by the sounds of it, you should have more respect for yourself, its taken me months to find mine but now i have it i'll never let another man take it away from me ever again
Hope this helps x x x x x
Ps. sorry if i sound bossy but you did ask what i would do in your situation! x
Jul 6, 2008 4:54PM
i agree with sarah...leopards can't change their spots!!!
you say yoyu know everything about each other..but you clearly didn't if his ex had to show you his true colours.
i think deep down you know your decision...from the way you was describing how nice your new fella is!!! yeah its early days...but you can't give up the chance of happiness because of worrying history might repeat itself...nothings guaranteed but its worth a shot if he makes you happy now.
i really think if you was to go back...things might be different and rosey for a few weeks or so...but it will change again, and i think you'll be constanty worrying and thinking about what he could be doing or saying behind your back.
from what you've said...you know you'll be happier staying in ireland...its just hard letting go of your old life.
maybe you could try talking to your new fella about what happened with your ex, and he could reassure and support you in letting go.
good luck hunny.
Jul 6, 2008 5:08PM
hiya huni i think u really need to think about it n agree that lepords never change there spots do what is best 4 ur baby 1st
Jul 6, 2008 5:24PM
the thing that is best for your baby is probably having both parents together...but...there is no point on having a relationship for the sake of a baby if your not happy...its best to end it all while your baby is too young to understand and upset.
if you was to stay together and things did not change...that would be awful for your child to listen to the arguements and be caught up in it all. so it might start off as the best for your son, but it probably wouldn't be in the long run.
you need to remember that your child will grow up and 'fly the nest'...what happens for you then if you stay in a relationship for that child?
if you really believe 100% that he has changed and things will be different permanantly...then go back...if not, saty where you have made this new happy life for yourself.
don't keep beating yourself up over the decision...you've got to go for whats best for your baby...but also your own happiness as well.
sorry...i don't wanna be telling you what to do coz only you can make that decision, i'm just saying what i would do.
if you have any doubts on your ex, which it sounds like you do...you shouldn't go back.
yeah you may have doubts on your new relationship...but thats in the future and unforeseeable, where as you know what your getting with your ex...and like sarah said...you deserve more.
Jul 8, 2008 5:28PM
[Modified by: removed on September 15, 2009 11:04 AM]
Jul 8, 2008 5:53PM
oh hunny you really don't know what to do do you.
well...you really need to think hard about it.
maybe write down pros and cons of each fella and going or staying.
in your 1st message you sounded set on your new fella...but now i'm not so sure.
just make sure if you go back, you are stronger and make sure things change...permanantly, or you could be unhappy forever and you don't want to end up regretting your decision.
you would never be held responsible if he doesn't see lo often....he will know where you are. yeah its a long way, but i'm sure your lo will understand as he would have a life there.
you will probably always love him...he's your babies father and you have alot of history, but you need to look at what you want out of the future.
think about how you felt when you flew back to ireland, do you want to risk feeling like it again?
if your new fella is good with lo and to you, do you want to risk ending it to take the chance with your ex?
where have you felt happier...london or ireland?
will you be able to forget what your ex has done in the past or will it always be in your mind?
you need to think about and answer it all hunny before you can decide..but if i were you...i think i'd stay put...a happy mummy makes a happy lo.
good luck...let us know.
Jul 9, 2008 2:47AM
Sounds like a situatuon of him wanting what he cant have to me! What happens if you go back, hes got what he wants and then f**ks off? Its not like hes only made one mistake its bee a few and you dont want to come across as a pushover do u?
Can you see yourself staying with him for the rest of your life and being happy? Youll always be worried about the next foot he will put wrong.
In the end of the day no one can make your decision but if it was me, no matter how much i loved him he would have no chance!
Jul 13, 2008 4:47PM
[Modified by: removed on September 15, 2009 11:07 AM]
Sep 2, 2008 4:20PM
I love the way you have written this - I actually would believe you to be a very honest person. Hats off to you for returning home, I think you are very brave and probably stronger than you give yourself credit for. You will miss your ex, thats one of the stages you have to go through - it's probably the worse stage and he is pulling at your heart strings.
He betrayed you with his ex. I dont think this man will change and I think you're too good for him.
You're half way there. Keep going. This new guy is a good distraction, he may not be the man for you, but take each day as it comes.
You're an inspiration to pregnant lonely women out there who have been hurt and betrayed (me!!).
Keep us updated!
Sep 8, 2008 9:10AM
hi every1. well its september allready and im still in ireland. im still with the new guy and things were working out well. We have come very close to each other, but i still cant forget jason or get to the pont where i know for definite that i dont want him back.
i had a complete breakdown in front of my step-mother yesterday and it made me realise that i really need to sort out my problems i cant keep putting them aside and hoping for the best.
I want to go back to england. my heart wants to go back to england, with or without the help of lo dad. i'll make it on my own, i made it when i was 16 on my own, ill make it work again now im a single mother. But of course i will give jason every chance to be in ciarans life, and mine.
but if he fucks up (sory about wording) then he has lost and ill continue by myself.
ive decided i am being too much of a bitch to the new guy i was talking about.he deserves a girl who will love him and only him, because he is so sweet.but sweet isnt what i want and i cant sting him along. even if i dont go back to jason, i know riht now i cant give him my heart im constantly thinking about some-one else, so im goin to finish things between us.i really like him but as the lady on here said im not ready.
i hate making decisions but ive typed this in, and so im going to do it.
i just have to figure out how, i intend to break up with this sweet guy. i really dont want to hurt him, he don deserve that.
wish me luck xxx:\?
Sep 9, 2008 6:51AM
Oh Hun i feel for you!but your right,if your heart is in England you are best to come back and make things work for you and your little boy,like you say give Jason every chance to be a good dad as this is all you can do!I know you still care for him,feelings dont go away easily even when someone has let us down badly and hurt us!Maybe things will improve and work out for you and him once you get back to England but dont focus on this!!
Im not with my little boys dad,we spilt before Benji was born,had a brief try again once he was born,but i knew then deep down it wouldnt last and it didnt!it was hard going at first but now im so happy,i couldnt imagine being with my los dad anymore,actually think ive had a bloody lucky escape lol!
The real reason im replying is because i got reinvolved with a guy i used to date for awhile several years ago,hes from London and i live in the North West,so could only see each other every other weekend,which was fine as i wasnt really ready for a full on relationship,he was and is the sweetest guy anyone would meet...so kind,honest and caring,the worse thing is i knew he was in love with me!I liked him and he helped me in many ways get over my ex...showed me what kind of relationship i wanted,what a decent guy could be like!BUT i just didnt have those sort of feelings for him!in some ways i found him boring(i know!feel bad)but like you say..you just know when things are right and if they arent you cant string someone along,especially when that someone IS so nice!!!!
Well i made the decision to end things,was tough as i hated hurting him and to make it worse he was just sooo understanding!anyway to cut a long story short we are still friends though of course dont have as much contact anymore,and ive now meet someone else who is all those things the London guy was but more the sort of person i want!
Im just saying i know what its like,but at the end of it all you have to do whats right for YOU!take care...x
Sep 13, 2008 8:35PM
Follow your heart... I hope this guy (your ex) understands your courage! I was a bit hasty before - some people can change, I believe that. I don't know this man, but I hope he realises and regrets how much he has put you through. Everyone deserves a second chance. All the best to you and Ciaron. x
Sep 13, 2008 8:38PM
Sorry I meant Ciaran... that's how you spell it right? ... x
Sep 28, 2008 9:30AM
u shud think wot best to do for your baby 1st and foremost. in my experience a leapord never changes his spots as charli4321 says, personally i wouldnt b able to go back to him after what he said to his ex about you , and all the other stuf , its just unforgivable but like you say its not that easy to forget all your feelings, just do what feels right if your settled in ireland and happy with the new partner , that sounds good enough for me if dad wants to see baby he can always come on over or you can go over or take it in turns, but his ex reminds me exactly of a situation i was once in, always foning and txting, i doubt she'll let go that easy, in my case my fella was sleeping with her the whole time
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Jun 26, 2019 9:48AM
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