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Ive had enough!!

This may be a long way so please bear with me...

When I fell pregnant my partner was mightly miffed! he pestered me to get an abortion and because i didnt, our relationship didnt last very long. He did say he would be in his life and pay his way so i thought fair enough. Once I got my own place he started making regular visits after work but he was in such a bad mood he would take it out on jayden if he was crying so i told him i wasnt having any of it and that was that for a few months. He was still paying which i was ok about and then it stopped when i got told my jobcentre i had to go through csa and he was very pissed. Thats all sorted now but we constantly argue and i just cant deal with it anymore. He never sees jayden, lucky if he gets to see him for an hour once a week and im still not getting money. We can never come to agreements and he always wants to be right. Im 21 and hes 33 and because im younger hes always felt like he can control me and hates being told what to do. He was meant to have jayden on the 16th in town for an hour for me but i changed my mind as i dont feel like i can leave him with him..something insides me tells me no and when i told him he went off on one swearing at me etc. What does he expect? he wont even change a bloody nappy?! This so called DAD has never bought him anything, never changed a nappy of his, point blank refuses to and DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHEN HIS SONS BIRTHDAY IS!

Now getting down to the point! I really dont think I can go through anymore of this stress and arguments. I hate this man so much and i cant have him in my house or around me it makes me feel sick. what do i do? I really want to just say, if you ever change number let me know so jayden has some way to contact u in the future if he wants to but i dont want him here now, is that too harsh of me? He wont come to an agreement with me as to when he will see him...last week he was meant to come over but it "slipped his mind!" that was the words that come out of his mouth. Im so upset and i feel so bad for jayden but i cant physically talk to him anymore it upsets me so much and i physcially have no energy left for him. What do i do?

thanks for listening :cry:


  • oh hunny...sending you big hugs.

    i know how your feeling a little bit coz darren is still messing us around.
    still won't let him take rhianna as he hasn't proved himself yet.
    sometimes he makes loads of effort to come see her but most of the time he makes his excuses to leave early or not bother turning up, and he's still always late.
    i've been really messed up recently and for some reason have been wanting him back...which is never gonna happen as he has enjoyed having his freedom back...but i don't know if its him i want back or the security and company.

    you sound like you still want him to be a part of jaydens life, just without having to talk to him yourself.
    maybe you could make a written agreement, through a solicitor or something, that way you'll only have to talk for necessities and if he doesn't stick to the argeement, you have grounds to stop access, and when jaydens older and asking questions, you can show him you tried but his dad let him down.

    i think thats the main thing i worry about...rhianna holding it against me if darren stops seeing her, thats why i want everything in writing and keep everything logged.

    hope something gets sorted for you hun and you start feeling a bit happier again soon.
    keep your chin up.

  • I do want him to be in jaydens life for the simple fact (like you said) I dont want jayden to hate me for his dad not being around when hes older. Ive given this twat so many chances and i feel like theres nothing left in me. Ive told him go through a centre where as he will have him under supervised visits but he wont do it because he works then (not his set hours given but overtime he does off him own back) His work is one of the main reaons for all this. His contracted hours are 8-4 but he does 7-6 and then works saturday morning. I know he all have to make money but his is out of pure greed and want. Ive said to him time n time again you chosen your work over jayden and what makes me sick even more if that he has an 11y/o daughter who he worships the ground she walks on. Whatever katie wants katie gets and if that means marc taking time off work he will do it... IM SO ANGRY and upset at same time :'( Im really at the stage where i want to give up and if that means jayden hating me in this future then i give ill have to deal with that when the time come (hopefully never cause that would break my heart) xx
  • hun i don't think he will ever hate the end of the day your his mum and your the 1 that has been there for him.

    sounds like your ex will want to be there for him when he's older...what a joke...they only like it once we've done all the work.

    have you tried speaking to a solicitor?

  • I dont think it would make any difference :\(
  • Hi i sort of feel the same way as you Sammy!My sons "dad"is quite simply a waste of time and a part of me wishes he didnt see his son because it just angers and upsets me each time at how unconcerned he seems,ok he plays at the perfect dad when it suits,telling people how much his son means yet he doesnt pay anything towards his own child,instead is shacked up with a new partner who has 3 children herself,so not only has he got somewhere free to live,he prob spends some of his benefit money on her kids and not on his own!
    He sees his son once a wk at his mothers house,my mum takes Benji to hers for his parents to pick up and she brings him back so this way i dont have any contact with either him or his parents which annoys me at times as im the mother and they just all act like i dont excist BUT it does make things easier in a way!
    Im sorry i didnt want to come on and start ranting about my situation but i can sympathise with you in some ways and im sure you just want to do your best bringing Jayden up without all the stress caused by his "dad",it probably annoys you as it does me,why cant they just do the right thing by their child?and why do they get off so easily?
    I doubt your son will ever hate you,as he gets older he will see his dads excuses for just what they long as you never stand in the way of Jaydens dad seeing him neither him or your son can ever say anything different!this probably grates on you as im the same in a way i would just like to say your not seeing Ben anymore to my ex but of course never would,but neither will i be messed about or more importantly i wont let him mess his son about!
    Its hard to do as it still just feels like hes getting away with his crappy behaviour again and again and like i said it saddens me at how unconcerned he seems for his own son,we dont need him but we are sort of stuck with him lol
    Anyway im rambling and not really offered any advice but dont worry to much how your son will feel,its all a long way down the line and anything Can happen in that time...You just continue to do your best like you no doubt have been since day one!
  • thanks sarahlou for your message. I totally agree with u..why do they get off so lightly?! I dont even get marc (jayden dad) saying he means alot to him he just doesnt care. Ive spoke to alot of people about this and everyone seems to say the same. Id rather jayden grew up with a loving family and no arguments rather his dad turning up when he feels like it and surrounded by bitter arguments and petty feuds. Ive had to take the decision to stop marc coming over its been hard but i know its for the best for now. Ill never let jayden stop him for seeing his dad when hes older and ill always tell him the truth about what happened and will try 100% to not be bitter or slag him off but i think, infact i know for now this is how it has to be...

    I hope everything works out for you sarahlou and remember we all hear to listen if u want a nag image
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