Ive had enough!!
This may be a long way so please bear with me...
When I fell pregnant my partner was mightly miffed! he pestered me to get an abortion and because i didnt, our relationship didnt last very long. He did say he would be in his life and pay his way so i thought fair enough. Once I got my own place he started making regular visits after work but he was in such a bad mood he would take it out on jayden if he was crying so i told him i wasnt having any of it and that was that for a few months. He was still paying which i was ok about and then it stopped when i got told my jobcentre i had to go through csa and he was very pissed. Thats all sorted now but we constantly argue and i just cant deal with it anymore. He never sees jayden, lucky if he gets to see him for an hour once a week and im still not getting money. We can never come to agreements and he always wants to be right. Im 21 and hes 33 and because im younger hes always felt like he can control me and hates being told what to do. He was meant to have jayden on the 16th in town for an hour for me but i changed my mind as i dont feel like i can leave him with him..something insides me tells me no and when i told him he went off on one swearing at me etc. What does he expect? he wont even change a bloody nappy?! This so called DAD has never bought him anything, never changed a nappy of his, point blank refuses to and DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHEN HIS SONS BIRTHDAY IS!
Now getting down to the point! I really dont think I can go through anymore of this stress and arguments. I hate this man so much and i cant have him in my house or around me it makes me feel sick. what do i do? I really want to just say, if you ever change number let me know so jayden has some way to contact u in the future if he wants to but i dont want him here now, is that too harsh of me? He wont come to an agreement with me as to when he will see him...last week he was meant to come over but it "slipped his mind!" that was the words that come out of his mouth. Im so upset and i feel so bad for jayden but i cant physically talk to him anymore it upsets me so much and i physcially have no energy left for him. What do i do?
thanks for listening
When I fell pregnant my partner was mightly miffed! he pestered me to get an abortion and because i didnt, our relationship didnt last very long. He did say he would be in his life and pay his way so i thought fair enough. Once I got my own place he started making regular visits after work but he was in such a bad mood he would take it out on jayden if he was crying so i told him i wasnt having any of it and that was that for a few months. He was still paying which i was ok about and then it stopped when i got told my jobcentre i had to go through csa and he was very pissed. Thats all sorted now but we constantly argue and i just cant deal with it anymore. He never sees jayden, lucky if he gets to see him for an hour once a week and im still not getting money. We can never come to agreements and he always wants to be right. Im 21 and hes 33 and because im younger hes always felt like he can control me and hates being told what to do. He was meant to have jayden on the 16th in town for an hour for me but i changed my mind as i dont feel like i can leave him with him..something insides me tells me no and when i told him he went off on one swearing at me etc. What does he expect? he wont even change a bloody nappy?! This so called DAD has never bought him anything, never changed a nappy of his, point blank refuses to and DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHEN HIS SONS BIRTHDAY IS!
Now getting down to the point! I really dont think I can go through anymore of this stress and arguments. I hate this man so much and i cant have him in my house or around me it makes me feel sick. what do i do? I really want to just say, if you ever change number let me know so jayden has some way to contact u in the future if he wants to but i dont want him here now, is that too harsh of me? He wont come to an agreement with me as to when he will see him...last week he was meant to come over but it "slipped his mind!" that was the words that come out of his mouth. Im so upset and i feel so bad for jayden but i cant physically talk to him anymore it upsets me so much and i physcially have no energy left for him. What do i do?
thanks for listening
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Replies
i know how your feeling a little bit coz darren is still messing us around.
still won't let him take rhianna as he hasn't proved himself yet.
sometimes he makes loads of effort to come see her but most of the time he makes his excuses to leave early or not bother turning up, and he's still always late.
i've been really messed up recently and for some reason have been wanting him back...which is never gonna happen as he has enjoyed having his freedom back...but i don't know if its him i want back or the security and company.
you sound like you still want him to be a part of jaydens life, just without having to talk to him yourself.
maybe you could make a written agreement, through a solicitor or something, that way you'll only have to talk for necessities and if he doesn't stick to the argeement, you have grounds to stop access, and when jaydens older and asking questions, you can show him you tried but his dad let him down.
i think thats the main thing i worry about...rhianna holding it against me if darren stops seeing her, thats why i want everything in writing and keep everything logged.
hope something gets sorted for you hun and you start feeling a bit happier again soon.
keep your chin up.
xxx
sounds like your ex will want to be there for him when he's older...what a joke...they only like it once we've done all the work.
have you tried speaking to a solicitor?
xxx
He sees his son once a wk at his mothers house,my mum takes Benji to hers for his parents to pick up and she brings him back so this way i dont have any contact with either him or his parents which annoys me at times as im the mother and they just all act like i dont excist BUT it does make things easier in a way!
Im sorry i didnt want to come on and start ranting about my situation but i can sympathise with you in some ways and im sure you just want to do your best bringing Jayden up without all the stress caused by his "dad",it probably annoys you as it does me,why cant they just do the right thing by their child?and why do they get off so easily?
I doubt your son will ever hate you,as he gets older he will see his dads excuses for just what they are...as long as you never stand in the way of Jaydens dad seeing him neither him or your son can ever say anything different!this probably grates on you as im the same in a way i would just like to say your not seeing Ben anymore to my ex but of course never would,but neither will i be messed about or more importantly i wont let him mess his son about!
Its hard to do as it still just feels like hes getting away with his crappy behaviour again and again and like i said it saddens me at how unconcerned he seems for his own son,we dont need him but we are sort of stuck with him lol
Anyway im rambling and not really offered any advice but dont worry to much how your son will feel,its all a long way down the line and anything Can happen in that time...You just continue to do your best like you no doubt have been since day one!
I hope everything works out for you sarahlou and remember we all hear to listen if u want a nag