Forum home Family life & relationships Single parents

It's not working - am going to be a single mum and terrified


My worst fears were confirmed when my computer flashed up I'd a new email and found myself in his account. An old flame contacted him and he wasn't introducing me or his 8 month old son anytime soon. Instead he was fixing to meet her. I've been a part time single mum since his paternity leave was cut short, we live 75 miles apart. He's with me whenever he isn't working, but there's a couple of windows in his shift which got longer over the past couple of months.

He didn't meet her, and there wasn't any romantic connotations in his responses, however he lied about where he was whenever he wasn't working, and changed his profile on messanger from the pic of him and his son, to him and his nephew. He was even on messanger with her, claiming to me to be on with his brother, in the living room with me there, reading a story to his son!

My hardest heartache was him hiding Frank...he should be proud of him. Whatever has been going on with us...not been a picnic and I know I've been difficult to live with suffering from pnd, I don't know if i can get passed this and need advice, please. Would you forgive him? Am I not better off living on my own now I know I can't trust him? I'm currently questioning if this is only the tip of the iceberg and looking over every time we've been apart and I haven't heard from him...really don't need the headache!

Best wishes


  • Hi,i personally think you will be better off on your own,you will cope fine as lets face it you are pretty much doing this on your own now..the only thing that will be different is you will be free of the doubts and insecurity of this relationship..once frr from this you will be able to get stronger and realise that this relationship you are now in isnt the best one for speaking from experience..i know what it was like to be in a relationship based on doubts,lies,loneliness and unhappiness.its not easy making that break but once done everything else seems to fall into place,it wont happen over night but WILL abit bais as my life got alot better once i ended the relationship i had with my babies dad,im now not techinally single but i still class myself as a single mom as i did it all alone,most of the pregnancy and birth was done without his involvement,tried again after son was born but it didnt work out and i feel so much happier now without him...never thought i would say that!maybe talk to your partner and have this may be able to sort something out,how old is he?it seems rather immature to hide his baby from this girl..its like he is keeping his options open and her hanging on by not telling the truth!hope you can decide whats best for you.but life on your own,being happy is better than solidering on in a relationship that isnt working..try all you can to make it work if you think it has a chance and its what you want but know when to give up!take care xx
  • Hi Hun
    If you stand a chance of being together this kind of behaviour is absolutely not acceptable.
    Have you challenged him about it?
    He is completely out of order and utterly disrespectful towards you.
    If it's out in the open he's got the chance to make it right, grovel, apologise and put a stop to everything he's been up to.
    If you find this doesn't happen, or that you can't live with him after doing what he's done then be brave and go. If you think he will continue telling lies about everything, you are quite right, you don't need the heartache.
    Being on your own is scary, just the thought of it - but I promise you, it's a damn sight better than staying with someone who is taking the piss out of you, especially after having his child. You will think more of yourself if you go.
    Please, do NOT excuse him any of this by thinking you've been difficult to live with because of PND.
    He should be being loving and supporting you at this time, not making a tough situation worse.
    Good luck hun, thinking of you!
  • Hi, have a good long think about what you want to do. If you want to end the relationship then do so, if you dont, then give it another try. But he must promise he will change his ways. Do you think you could forgive him? or has he pushed you too far?. If you PND take alook on the PND message board. I have PND and know how hard things can be.
  • heya my name is Louise and i am 24 years old and i have two children. James has just turned 4 and Jasmine will be 3 in june. i have been divorced for nearly 3 years now since he walked out on us and haven't seen him since.

    love Louise xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Hello,
    I understand why you are concerned about his behaviour and it is definitely not acceptable, but if there was no romantic nature then maybe you have something to hold onto. It has obviously been a difficult time for you and will therefor have also been difficult for him. Maybe he didn't feel he could tell you about getting back in touch with this woman because he was worried how you would take it, rather than because he is trying to decieve you.
    You need to talk to him, his reaction will tell you what you need to know about whether you can trust him. People act like idiots sometimes, it doesn't mean you can't resolve things or that it has to be the end of the line. Do what is right for you and your family.
  • Yes it's terrifying, the thought of suddenly being a single parent but it is possible!

    My baby's Dad walked out on us when I was 5 months pregnant. He left not long after we found out I was carrying a girl (He wanted a son) The only time he has seen his daughter is when she stopped breathing the first night we came home from hospital and was rushed back in. After that he sent me a text saying not to EVER call or text him again.
    We are better off without him. My daughter has all the love she can handle and is a happy, contented little thing. And there is love still to be found for us single Mummys! I called a carpenter to give me a quote to hang some doors when I was 7 months pregnant and he asked me out! We've been together ever since!
Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions