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Single mum and pregnant - confused, depressed - help please

I am new to his site but came accross it looking for advice on my current predicament..... I have been a single mum to a gorgeous (devilish) boy, who is now 5, for 4 years. his father was violent and I threw him out on my son's fisrt birthday... He has no contact at all. It has taken me till last year I'd say to get myself back on track and take my life forward - and till last year I did not enter any relationships at all - i had no interest.

So When I start to get back on the horse, so to speak, i eventually meet a lovely bloke in July this year, we get on great, too good to be true kind of great, Lew likes him I like him my mates like him- things are wonderful, then we have an accident and I take the morning after pill and lo and behold last week i find out I'min that 30% where the mornig after pill does not work and I'm pregnant....

I tell the wonderful bloke who initially is great about it - we'll work it out he'll stand by me, even if we don't work out he'll be there for his kid and even my Lew!!! Great I think - then we spend all week together as he is ill and has teeth out and doesn't want to be in his shared house, and suddenly on Staurday he packs his stuff up and goes ome and I haven't seen im since. Now he doesn't thinkwe'll work he doesn't want to have to try - we can never be natural and he doesn't even know if he'll be living up here still next year now!!!!

I am at a loss - a total loss - I am confused about everything - I am meant to be starting PGCE in September 2009 and I really don't know if i will cope with being a single mum to two kids with different dads and I don't get where he is suddenly coming from and my head is truly blown to bits!!!!

Please help advise anything - please....


  • Hi i bet you think that the men in your life(Lewis excluded lol)keep letting you down!?!I feel for you!!!!
    That said it is early days now and maybe this new bloke is just running scared at the moment...its not nice and definately not what you want or need right now but maybe given abit of time you two can work things out,maybe you need a chance to talk together honestly and alone...could you get Lewis a babysitter and meet him to talk,he is going to be a dad wheather he likes it or not and things will need to be discussed anyway!again maybe as your pregnancy progresses or even once baby is born things will change?!who knows what goes on in mens minds eh????
    I spilt with my babies dad and had no real contact throughout the whole of my pregnacy which was a very lonely and sad time for me...i really had never felt so low,we reconciled once baby was born but in my heart i knew it wouldnt didnt...a whole month is all it took before he behaved like he always used to and left....full of shitty excuses,one being the baby wasnt his!!!!!!!!!
    Now though lo is 13mths,sees his "dad" once a week,gets no money from his dad and i have no contact still with the waste of with a new guy now and things are going well,taking it slow though as im still abit bruised and unsure about men and relationships in general..if like you i found out i was pregnant now i really dont know what i would do and i dont know what my new partner would do or feel either...its tough...all i think is anything can happen in time!no one knows just what!
    You have been a great mum to Lewis on your own and will be the same to your new lo.....maybe this nice new guy isnt the one for you,maybe this will prove that to you....i cant really say but i would at least try to talk things out but if you get no where maybe you just have to accept thjis and see what the future holds..sorry cant be more help but i know you will be fine x
  • I know what you mean about see what the future holds!!!

    My mum says get rid, but I really don't think I can and can't believe she said that, but she's stressed about things in her own life and I'm her only child so I think she thinks I have totally let her down...

    I will be honest though I have considered it and I know I will be hated for even thinking it but I have.........

    My best friend won't say really what she feels - she has said she will support me what ever and I know she will but I am terrified of being on my own!!

    I'm sad I know but when I was younger I had all those silly dreams that young girls have and so far not one (otehr than Lew) has come true and I really thought this guy was the one - I know if this happened in 6 months time it would be different!!!!

    Thanks for your advice though and sharing your experiences - it's good to know thatthere are people out there who have had similar things happen and get through it!!!

  • ur in the same boat as me hun ,,, although this one wil be my first . i was witht babys dad not even a month wen i fell preg n we both was happy then wen i was 4 mths he ended it but sed he wud be there for baby, the day be4 my 20 w scan he wanted me to meet up with him so i did only for him to tell me he was willin to pay for me to av a an abortion NO WAY !!

    i then continued pregnancy on ma own til 7 mths and he wanted me bk blah blah n wanted to be a dad to his unborn son and his daughter who is now 2.
    i agreed then 1 mth he did it agen , i was in hospital begin of aug and not once did he come and see me jus gt a lousy tx askin if i was ok ? since then we av ad no contact at all and its a shame cos i found out that while i av been unwell he has since been datin his housemates sister classy!!! from what i can make of it me n u can be fab mum and be dads too my son dnt deserve a dad like him im happier on ma own x
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