Forum home Babies Sleep

My 9 month old will NOT sleep at night!

Someone please help!! I am now sobbing because i can't remember what a good nights sleep is like! 

I have a nearly 3 year old and a 9 month old and my eldest has always been a good sleeper minor a few hiccups that we always resolved quickly. I done everything the same when baby no.2 came but he just cannot seem to settle into a night routine. The last month he has woken every 2hrs through the night and has been so unsettled. He is in a cot, in our bedroom (he was in his brothers but then started to wake him so we put him back with us) every time he wakes we give him milk which i know at this age he doesnt need so I've said to OH we need to drop that and try controlled crying by OH doesn't want to cos he's worried the crying will wake our eldest. I think thats our main problem. our youngest starts crying we go running because we dont want to wake our eldest and now he's learnt that thats the routine were all stuck in. Please tell me someone else has been in this situation? Please tell me a solution? I'm at breaking point. So tired its untrue. 

Thanks in advance any advice would be a great help


  • Hi Emily, i know your pain hon. I have totally been in the same situation. I had the same thing with my daughter - at 7 months old, she was not going to into a deep sleep, but waking constantly. It got SO bad we hired a sleep consulatnt who went through our routine, and basically held our hands as we devised a course of action.

    This is what we did. (a version of controlled crying, which worked for us)
    Night 1 we put the baby to sleep (she was in our room as couldn't put her with her sister due to the constant crying) and after waking, i went in, shusshed her, said 'sleepytime' and went out. Had to control MYSELF not to pick her up, but just rest a hand on her, let her know i was there, but then left the room (i sat outside the room). After 2 mins crying, went in and did the same. Then 4 mins, then 8 mins and carried on until after 45mins she went to sleep. Same process the next night, and after 3 nights, we cracked it. I put her in the cot and she slept properly.

    So my advice to you would be stop the milk feeds at night right away. You have to be strong and commit to it - i know that sounds harsh, but it does work after a few nights - can someone have you other child for a night or two maybe if you're worried about your baby waking him?

    And if you like, i'm happy to hold your hand virtually - report back to me if you like? You are not alone hon. Promise. 

  • Hiya! Thanks for your reply. Its comforting to know I'm not alone. And so hard after having such a brilliant sleeper with first child. I've been researching all day and am going to try what you have suggested. I have practiced a little when he's napped today. When you went in to settle did you stop her crys with the pat on the back? Or did she continue? Did you still leave the room after you'd said sleepy time and she was still crying or did you wait for her to stop? Thank you so much for your advice. A virtual hand would be much needed. Thank you 😊 xx

  • When i went in to settle, she most definitely DID NOT stop crying with the pats or words! It was so heartbreaking, you go in, pat, say your words (mine was always 'sleepytime, night night, sleepytime', so they learn to associate these words with sleeping) and she still screamed, HOWEVER it got less and less. Obviously i'm not saying leave your baby to cry so much they throw up or something (common sense and all that!)
    So i would go in, pat, say the words and beat a hasty retreat outside the room. I actualy sat on the floor playing phone games while timing - i was so tense inside tho!

    You don't wait for the baby to stop crying - get in, get out.

    Ask me anything else hon - happy to hand old and help x

  • hand hold!

  • Hiya! Quick update - first night went well woke at 1.30am put dummy back in went back off woke at 2am controlled cried for half hr and back to sleep but then woke for the usual 3am bottle! Next night was better but still waking for 3am bottle - how do i loose this?

    Control crying definitely working as he's breaking between crys to listen out to see if I'm still there. Shouldn't take long and we'll have this sussed but not sure what to do with 3am bottle. He's on 3 meals a day with 3 6oz bottles between xx

  • I was so thinking about you earlier today!

    You know, if you want to REALLY go for it, you could get rid of the dummy now aswell (we did) but I know how much these babies love ther dummies - my first was addicted to it (we got rid of it with the second kid - she wasn't so bothered by it)

    Ok to me it seems like he's not settling back into a deep sleep at 1.30am judging by those following wake ups.

    He might not be ready to give up that 3am bottle - i don't remember when they're meant to drop it - how much is he drinking then at that 3am? Is he guzzling it, or do you think maybe a comfort thing? You could try offering water then instead?

  • Ah yes didnt think of that! Yes definitely a comfort thing - hes taking between 3-4 and he's back asleep. I've tried to control cry at that time but its a real scream and you can tell he wont be easily settled - i will try water tonight to see if that makes a difference. 

    Have been trying all day to post an update and have only just managed to now the kids have gone to bed - always the way! 

    I'm not sure if I'm brave enough to do the dummy to now as it does work into the settling routine. 

  • Hoe many naps was your daughter having when you had this problem and what time did you put her to bed? I'm worried his day time nap routine could be effecting his night routine 

  • Ok, defo try offering water - he might get a bit pissed off with you tho - be warned! (Like, why is she offering me water???WATER?!)

    What really needs to happen is that he goes back to sleep but a deep sleep at 1.30 so he's not waking for the milk, but lets see how the water works.

    Yeah losing the dummy can be too hard too, so one step at a time!

    So if i remember rightly, my girly was up at 6.30ish, back to sleep at 9am for about 45mins, then another nap about 12.30. I was actually putting her to bed about 1.30 for her second nap but the sleep trainer told me NO! She had to sleep earlier and for no longer than an hour as it messed with bed time later.

    What you currently doing with the naps?

  • At the moment hes up between 6.30 and 7 back done for half hr nap about 8.30/9am and then afternoon nap usually 1pm til about 3pm. 

    I don't think he ever goes into a deep sleep as he's often stiring in between. And with the pattern as it is he's only sleeping 3 maybe 4hrs at a time (on a good night)

  • So that's good napping - give it a few days of the CC, and if he's going straight to sleep when you put him down of an eve, then continue with the naps as usual - i'd be tempted to say cut the afternoon nap back a little, but wait it out.

    So just to be sure, you're not picking him up when he wakes at night? You're just shushing him and then leaving him to cry, then returning ever 2/4/8/16mins etc?

    i know it's so hard but keep going!

  • Yeh not picking up - put my hand on his back dummy gets put back in and i say "nanight time" and walk away. 

    Its really difficult to keep him awake if he naps for less time or any earlier.

    We have started putting him down in his cot alone when its bed time and nap time instead of him falling asleep on us - we stay with him but only for a minute or so and he's asleep. 

    I'm now reading up online about yhe stages of sleep - maybe if i know more about it i can be more understanding. Im sure after a few nights of cc we will be well under way. Thank you for your help and advice again. Will update again soon xx

  • Hi Emily,

    How's it gong? Sleep any better? x

  • Hey Emily, was just thinking about you - it's been a while, how's your boy doing? x

Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions