I try to use words like knid words, nice voice, kind hands and feet. I say 'where's the magic word?' if they forget please and thank-you. I do try to be positive more than negative but there are times when no has to just mean no. If I have to say no I will try and distract to take attention onto something else
Whenever my children fall over and start to cry i will always say to them what does crying do to which they will reply "gives you red eyes and a headache" at this point theyre over it
my advice would be not to say no to a child without giving them a reason, to explain why,for example ... don't throw that car as it could break or break something in its path or injure someone
and if your trying to get a child to give you something,i.e., your keys,give them something else in exchange ,for example a toy of theirs
We have a marble jar & my son collects marbles for good manners, being helpful, tidying up, using his cutlery, doing as he's asked straightaway etc. When it's full he can choose a treat e.g. Extra screen time, a small toy (bottle of bubbles, toy car, etc). It works wonders!
I suppose it's not technically my tip, but I read in a parenting article about trying to have a ratio of 10:1 so for every one correction of behaviour or having to say stop/no, I praise 10 different characteristics/behaviours. I hope to be as positive as possible with behaviour management- maybe ask me again though once my little girl is bigger and more testing!
My current battle with my 3.5 yr old is him not using please/thank you when asking for something, it's a constant barage of 'I want...' 'Get me...' or just pointing at things and shouting! So now I've started saying 'Can you think of a nicer way to say that?' & offering suggestions if he gets stuck!
I count to ten in my head then try to speak in a calm manner to them! Doesnt always have the desired effect, but I find if i stay calm and cool then usually they come round to my way of thinking!
For me, the secret is distracting my son. If he starts to get upset about not being able to do something that he wants to, but I don't want him to, I will try to quickly change the subject to something that interests him and something that I don't have a problem with him doing. This works 9 times out of ten and means there's next to no arguing and he feels as though he is still getting to do something he wants to do.
i use the turniing it into a game sometimes to chill us both down also we see who can do the thing i want doing the quickest, 'show me how to do it, maybe a distraction technicque or a bit of a reward but not so it seems like i am bribing, just offering another option
i use the turniing it into a game sometimes to chill us both down also we see who can do the thing i want doing the quickest, 'show me how to do it, maybe a distraction technicque or a bit of a reward but not so it seems like i am bribing,
By distracting them with an lternative that gabs their interest. So when I resort to using 'no', as it doesn't happen often, they know I really mean it. It's the emergency button.
I only really use the word 'No!' when my daughter finds herself in a potentially dangerous situation. My three year old knows that, and her reaction to the word is very sweet. She literally stops in her tracks!
Instead I tend to go down the route of 'that's not a good idea, because... how about we do this instead?' She is now starting to come up with her own suggestions followed by '... is that a good idea, mummy?' And to be honest, she is coming up with some really good compromises these days, and she is absolutely loving it when we end up going with one of her suggestions :-)
I have found that 'ownership' is an empowering way of helping a child's behaviour; combined with safe choices I believe that you can teach and not preach. For Example I would point out what it is about the behaviour that I or others do not really like and offer a selection of safe choices so the child makes their own decision to change their behaviour.
We have pots in our house for small Pom-pom. Positive behaviour is rewarded with a Pom-Pom which when a certain amount is won are turned into a prize (currently Lego mini-figures) If "no" ends up with tantrums etc then pom-poms are taken away. Currently it's a battle between our two boys to be the first to reach enough Pom-poms for a reward!
I tell my children that if they do the thing that I have asked them to do it would make mummy and daddy very happy. And if mummy and daddy are happy, they sometimes like to celebrate by going to the park. But if mummy and daddy are sad, or too tired from having to do all the jobs, then they won't want to go to the park.
I believe that talking to the child instead of constantly scream (and have heard lots swearing) at them. Instead of saying no all the time, offer another option like a different toy.
Kids often want want and want again, it is a whim with what we term 'monkey see, monkey want'. Distraction is a great way to take their mind off it in store, but getting them to help with collecting the shopping. Even the youngest can help by holding or putting it into the basket.
If they want to watch a show on TV but homework needs to be done first, explain that it can be watched later, and if they get their homework done really well they can have a small reward like popcorn or a favourite snack later too. This gives them an incentive to do it well.
Often we say no because it is easier than explaining, talking and teaching.
Replies
I try to use words like knid words, nice voice, kind hands and feet. I say 'where's the magic word?' if they forget please and thank-you. I do try to be positive more than negative but there are times when no has to just mean no. If I have to say no I will try and distract to take attention onto something else
My five Grandchildren and their Grandad would love to win this prize what a
fantastic prize and wouldn't we have some fun.
Whenever my children fall over and start to cry i will always say to them what does crying do to which they will reply "gives you red eyes and a headache" at this point theyre over it
my advice would be not to say no to a child without giving them a reason, to explain why,for example ... don't throw that car as it could break or break something in its path or injure someone
and if your trying to get a child to give you something,i.e., your keys,give them something else in exchange ,for example a toy of theirs
We have a marble jar & my son collects marbles for good manners, being helpful, tidying up, using his cutlery, doing as he's asked straightaway etc. When it's full he can choose a treat e.g. Extra screen time, a small toy (bottle of bubbles, toy car, etc). It works wonders!
I suppose it's not technically my tip, but I read in a parenting article about trying to have a ratio of 10:1 so for every one correction of behaviour or having to say stop/no, I praise 10 different characteristics/behaviours. I hope to be as positive as possible with behaviour management- maybe ask me again though once my little girl is bigger and more testing!
My current battle with my 3.5 yr old is him not using please/thank you when asking for something, it's a constant barage of 'I want...' 'Get me...' or just pointing at things and shouting! So now I've started saying 'Can you think of a nicer way to say that?' & offering suggestions if he gets stuck!
I count to ten in my head then try to speak in a calm manner to them! Doesnt always have the desired effect, but I find if i stay calm and cool then usually they come round to my way of thinking!
For me, the secret is distracting my son. If he starts to get upset about not being able to do something that he wants to, but I don't want him to, I will try to quickly change the subject to something that interests him and something that I don't have a problem with him doing. This works 9 times out of ten and means there's next to no arguing and he feels as though he is still getting to do something he wants to do.
i use the turniing it into a game sometimes to chill us both down also we see who can do the thing i want doing the quickest, 'show me how to do it, maybe a distraction technicque or a bit of a reward but not so it seems like i am bribing, just offering another option
i use the turniing it into a game sometimes to chill us both down also we see who can do the thing i want doing the quickest, 'show me how to do it, maybe a distraction technicque or a bit of a reward but not so it seems like i am bribing,
just offering another option
By distracting them with an lternative that gabs their interest. So when I resort to using 'no', as it doesn't happen often, they know I really mean it. It's the emergency button.
Shall we see....or rather HEAR.... who has the quietest ....softest voice today.
I only really use the word 'No!' when my daughter finds herself in a potentially dangerous situation. My three year old knows that, and her reaction to the word is very sweet. She literally stops in her tracks!
Instead I tend to go down the route of 'that's not a good idea, because... how about we do this instead?' She is now starting to come up with her own suggestions followed by '... is that a good idea, mummy?' And to be honest, she is coming up with some really good compromises these days, and she is absolutely loving it when we end up going with one of her suggestions :-)
distraction. rather than saying no all the time, just distract them and don't make a huge fuss about it
I have found that 'ownership' is an empowering way of helping a child's behaviour; combined with safe choices I believe that you can teach and not preach. For Example I would point out what it is about the behaviour that I or others do not really like and offer a selection of safe choices so the child makes their own decision to change their behaviour.
We have pots in our house for small Pom-pom. Positive behaviour is rewarded with a Pom-Pom which when a certain amount is won are turned into a prize (currently Lego mini-figures) If "no" ends up with tantrums etc then pom-poms are taken away. Currently it's a battle between our two boys to be the first to reach enough Pom-poms for a reward!
I tell my children that if they do the thing that I have asked them to do it would make mummy and daddy very happy. And if mummy and daddy are happy, they sometimes like to celebrate by going to the park. But if mummy and daddy are sad, or too tired from having to do all the jobs, then they won't want to go to the park.
It worked about twice!
lots of praise and encouragement and reward good behaviour with treats
I believe that talking to the child instead of constantly scream (and have heard lots swearing) at them. Instead of saying no all the time, offer another option like a different toy.
Kids often want want and want again, it is a whim with what we term 'monkey see, monkey want'. Distraction is a great way to take their mind off it in store, but getting them to help with collecting the shopping. Even the youngest can help by holding or putting it into the basket.
If they want to watch a show on TV but homework needs to be done first, explain that it can be watched later, and if they get their homework done really well they can have a small reward like popcorn or a favourite snack later too. This gives them an incentive to do it well.
Often we say no because it is easier than explaining, talking and teaching.