🚨 Advance warning 🚨 This forum will be closing on 1st May – please see our pinned thread for more information.
Controlling 6 year old
Hi I'm looking for some advice or just to hear I'm not the only person going through this, my 6 year old even from as early as 1.5 years has had very controlling behaviour, for example when she was a toddler she'd stand by her beaker but tantrum for me to hand it to her even tho she can reach. This sort of behaviour has just consistently continued no matter how hard I try and not give in, it's sucking the life out of parenthood for me, I'm trying to keep my head up and be a happy mum but my daughter treats me as she hates me. This is some of the behaviour she does now: screaming at me and even grabbing my arms tight not letting go after she's had warnings and chances to behave. She tells me ive said something even when I haven't and will not back down after I say you must of misheard me I didn't say that. She undermines me and never believes anything I say (anything anyone says other than me or my husband is right and I'm wrong in her mind) so teaching her things is like she's fighting a battle against me, she never seems sincere either like she doesn't drop the act and just be an innocent child she'll ruin a nice time we're having by scrutinising something I say or talking to me in a fake manner. I can be telling her to do something and she'll ignore me but say I love you In like a patronising way to make a point that she's not listening, talking over me deliberately alot is another one. Asking her to do the most simple reasonable tasks always starts with her ignoring me saying no and even laughing sometimes and what I don't understand is she always gets punished when she's naughty, I'll put her in time out, conviscate something etc after using a 2 strike system and I've had this going for years, I've done reward charts and they haven't seemed to help, not with the way she speaks to me anyway, I've always been quite stern, I don't back down I'll always make sure the punishment happens, I'm just so confused with where I'm going wrong? Her dad was controlling and abusive and had obsessive behaviour this is why I separated from him (his family were the same also) and it breaks my heart to see that she's like him with alot of things. She comes back home and tells me comments her dads made and obviously I understand the stuff he's said is undermining me as a parent or manipulating her, I've called him up on this before but he doesn't give a crap what I have to say and just argues with me, however—she has made up lies before to pit me and dad against each other so I just let it go over my head and don't even react anymore. I'm pregnant atm and all I keep thinking is i can finally have a child that likes me and won't be so hard to raise because its genetically related to my husband who's the opposite to my ex, he's quiet and kind and never even raises a voice to me, thinking like this just makes me feel even more guilty and like a shit mum because I think I shouldn't of failed in the first place with my daughter. There's alot more complicated behaviour to the story but this is just some examples of how she is on a daily basis. I'd rather my child just be naughty rather than the controlling behaviour. I'm forever telling myself it's a phase she'll get better as she gets older and that time comes and nothings better 😂 I'm sorry for the long winded post!
0
Replies