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Tantrums - please help me!

My lo is having this BIG time at the moment, and they are very scary. I spoke to my HV who said that they are controlled tantrums and normal around this age (she's 20 months).

Last week OH was off work so we both could deal with it but now he's back at work and I'm struggling. I'm doing my best to ignore them but I'm gonna snap any minute.

I can't do anything right for her. 1 minute she's playing then for no reason whatsoever she goes off on one. She headbutts, screams, thrashes. Now she's throwing herself against the stairgate. I've brought her upstairs to get her & myself dressed but cannot get anywhere near her as she lashes out at me.

Yesterday at our signing class I had to leave the class with her after only 5 mins as she started having a tantrum - again no reason just went beserk! I stood outside the class holding a crazy toddler. I couldn't put her down like I normally would as it was hard floor and she tends to nut the floor numerous times. I got lots of nasty looks as there was a prayer meeting next door (it's held in a methodist church). Finally when the toys came out I could take her back in so she could play, but I'd missed all the signing. This course is pre-paid and I'm concerned I wont be able to take her back if this behaviour continues. It's not fair on anyone.

Is this normal or do I have a problem?? I know they have tantrums but these are quite scary and I dread the day I hate to admit. Can't go anywhere or do anything for fear of one starting. I've been able to get a look in her mouth and one of her 2nd molars may be about to come thru. I know this could account for some anger or tears but I know it's not to blame for these very angry & violent outbursts.

Please help I'm at my wits end.:cry:

Thanks x

Replies

  • oh hayley honey, I'm sorry you're going through a touch time with Charlotte.

    I don't really have much advice as I can honestly say i've never experienced this with Shea. He'll occasionally have the odd outburst but they only last a few minutes and he's never been violant, just screaming. Most of the time he just winges!

    Can I ask how you react to her tantrums? I've found ignoring Shea is the best way to deal with him and I walk out of the room and leave him to until he's calmed down, but then again he doesn't hurt himself or anything so its easy for me to do.

    sorry i couldn't be much help and I hope you get it sorted soon

    hugs Claire xxx
  • My 1st port of call is to ignore them as much as I can. If they tend to go on longer I try distraction which sometimes works. She's calmed down a bit now (distracted her with a bulldog clip of all things)!!

    I have the Toddler Taming book which is good, but I still find it hard with what to do. Her tantrums have got much worse in the last week or so. They subsided when she started walking which was good as I thought some of it was frustration.

    I'm starting to wonder if I've spoilt her some way, and she wants her own way all the time. I try not to give in to her but sometimes for a bit of peace & quiet it's easier.

    I hope it gets better myself!!

    Just to add she's also started the "mmmmmmmmm" again which drives me nuts. She does it for ages!

    [Modified by: ccbmommy on September 22, 2009 09:50 AM]

  • again my lo isnt to bad (touch wood!) although he can throw tantrums like the best of them at times. just continue to ignore them hopefully its just a stage. and try not to crack! i no its hard but its giving them the attention they want even if it is negative! something my oh half struggles highly with!:lol:

    plus they say if they have one outside and they could hurt themselves, put your arms firmly around them and wait till they calm down?

    i know its really embarrasing in public, i had one not long ago in the middle of a huge and very busy park. i had to carry him out the whole length kicking and screaming whilst looking scarily possessed!

    but i think the main key is distraction and if shes still to angry to co -operate then wait a few minutes and try again!

    hope it helps!
  • I'm starting to wonder if I've spoilt her some way, and she wants her own way all the time. I try not to give in to her but sometimes for a bit of peace & quiet it's easier

    hubby is telling me that i'm letting Shea get away with too much and if i'm not careful he'll walk all over me!!! But I have to say I do admit to giving in to things for a bit of peace sometimes!!

    But there is nothing wrong in being spoilt!! I was one of the most spoilt children you'd ever meet!! I was treated everyday to sweets or toys, I got everything I wanted, i'm 34 now and when I was a little girl my mum and dad would spend over ??400 on birthday and xmas present back then.......................but I was taught to appreciate it and I was grateful!! So as long as you bring charlotte up with manners, respect and to be grateful there;s nothing wrong in spoiling your precious one!!

    I'm sure its just a phase and she'll grwo out of it soon and turn into a lovely young lady.........or does she have her mum's temper maybe???
    Shea defo has mine!! lol
    xx
  • I must admit I do have a quick temper (runs in the family). I am not very laid back, unlike my OH who is almost horizontal at times. He has said Charlotte picks up on my stress even though I try not to show it. I am doing quite well with the ignoring though, I normally go into another room as I know she's safe.
  • Oh for a minute then, I thought you were talking about the ladies over on Baby!

    Temper tantrums are just part and parcel I think, sometimes without good reason! I think it's about weathering it out and just getting peace and quiet as much as you can to let you cope with it. Some nights I feel like all I've done is say no to Reiss and run around trying to avoid the next danger zone, waiting for the next strop. He's only just begun too being 15months old - I know it actually gets worse before it gets better. Re the classes, some days will be ok, some bad - try not to go in with the thought of 'oh here we go again'. I know it's hard, but then it becomes like a permanent thing, you are expecting her to kick off, she is picking up on your anxiety and then kicks off (she may well do anyway!) and you'll have double the amount of worry.

    Kids - remind me again why??

    Good luck hon.xx
  • oh one more thing I just thought about. You're saying about the tantrums she's throwing and that you are obviously dreading it as she hits her head on the floor etc. Just be aware that they can become very manipulative around this age (well probably a lot earlier actually!) and they soon realise what gets a reaction - i.e. I bang my head on the floor, mum comes running etc. In the event she's hurting herself or others, obviously remove her to a rug/quilt on the floor etc, but don't react or say anything to her - just remove her, put her down and walk away. A friend I had years ago started panicking after her daughter apparently collapsed mid tantrum and fell to the floor. This carried on for years as the lo knew she had found the thing that would make mum pay attention. There was actually nothing wrong with her apart from being a little bugger!)xx
  • Thanks for your comment everyone.

    Karen - I do leave her to it inc the headbanging. I also do move her if on hard floor. The thing is it did start off as 1 headbutt, but is now 3 so I find it hard not to step in!

    I'm going to see my hv again tomorrow just to discuss her tantrums. I've spoken to my sister who has 2 lo's. She said it's normal and her lo had a major one last night. Hopefully my hv (who is pretty good) can see I don;t have a problem child lol!

    I've got visions of Charlotte being the bully at toddlers/nursery cos of the way she is.....!
  • I think the others have given some good advice - my lo is 14 months and just starting with the 'throwing himself on the floor' tantrums for very minor reasons.

    Re the spoiling her, I don't think you are - I'd call it picking your battles. My mum's always told mne she had to do this with my little sis (who's a lot more fiesty than I am!) - she said she and Dad eventually decided not to sweat the small stuff and just tell her off for/stop her doing the bigger things, mum said she felt that otherwise she was getting at her and telling her no all the time and knocking (not in a physical way obviously!) her personality out of her. So what if she wanted to choose her own clothes and they didn't match, or if she's not dressed very early becasue she doesn't want to stop playing if she's playing nicely, that sort of thing - and I'm really starting to see what she meant! I think at this age they try to assert some independence, and I don't see that harm in letting them do that in safe and controlle situations - then they migth be a bit less frustrated the rest of the time.

    As for her perfoming at signing class, if I was one of the other mums I think I'd just be glad it wasn't my child that time - I don't mean that in a nasty way, I mean we've all been there and I feel nothing but sympathy for other mums trying to deal with a strong willed toddler who's trying to assert their independence.
  • OMG that is something that is so true - picking your battles!

    LOL at 'phew thank goodness it's not mine today' is what I normally say. Bet she livelied up the church meeting anyway!!
  • I'm actually taking Charlotte to the signing classes to see if it could help with her tantrums!!! hmmmmm......lol!

    Most of the mums there were quite smypathetic and were like "we have all this to come" as most of the lo's are under 12 months. I got the impression 1 mum wasn't too pleased about my lo (ie a few tuts and disapproving glances my way) - but hey that's her problem - in about 6 months time!
  • Haha, just make sure you are there in 6 months time to give HER the disapproving look!
  • Aww hun, so sorry you're having problems with charlotte, alhtough I have to say I could have been writing this post myself. Isaac is a nightmare at the moment, he explodes over every little thing several times a day and once he has started kicking off that is it, he has to just scream it out of his system as nothing will calm him down. Yesterday at dinner time he started becuase I had cut up his sausage wrong! He screamed so much that he was nearly sick, he goes ballistic if we put him to bed and he can hear any noise, it is so bad when it rains and he hears the sound of the rain against the window that he just goes totally hysterical, I tried potty training the other week and he went hysterical when I put his pants on ( he chose them) he seemed freaked out by the feel of them and was literally clawing at his legs to get them off. He hits me punches/scratches me and pulls my hair and I am sick to death of the dissaproving looks and nasty comments from people. He is not spoilt and I have 3 other children none of whom were as bad as he is. I have even thought of phoning my hv to ask what is normal and what is a problem becuase I seriously think that Isaac does have a problem. Sorry I can't be much help to you but you are not alone. I try my best to ignore peoples comments as much as possible but have to say that today when he kicked off at toddler group and I took him out I was nearly crying as it is just none stop.
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