Worrying about how I will cope with no.2

Shimmsie · Jan 7, 2011 7:10AM

I am pg with no.2 and ds will be 23 months when this one arrives. I keep having panic attacks about how I will cope with both of them. DS is lovely but a real handful - walking and running everywhere, screams blue murder when his nappy is being changed, hates getting dressed in the morning etc. How will I be able to get two children dressed in the morning if I find it hard to get one up and ready?

What happens about feeding? DS was bf and so fed every couple of hours. What happens if the new one wants to bf? What do I do with ds? I just can't see how this can work.

I know I am being daft as women have been having more than one child for centuries and have coped but I am really beginning to worry.

I am only 7 weeks so perhaps it is the early hormone phase that is talking???

All words of wisdom/sanity gratefully received.

C.x

mummabear-72331 · Jan 6, 2011 5:32AM

Im due any day now with DD and DS is nearly 14months. It was planned to have the small age gap but nevertheless i too had all the same worries that you describe... and my DS is the same:

DS is lovely but a real handful - walking and running everywhere, screams blue murder when his nappy is being changed, hates getting dressed in the morning etc.

I have done a lot of prep to have things at the ready to keep him entertained during BF. He has a chest of 6 drawers in his room and I have filled each one with different things (3 drawers have different types of books - he LOVES books and getting these out, 1 drawer with loads of cars, another with loads of animals, and another with toy kitchen food). I can easily take these drawers out at "special" BF time for him to play with wherever i may be (e.g. in living room). They won't come out at any other time, just reserved for when Im BF - which will be a lot in the early months

I have different "stations" around the house. In the living room, side room, kitchen, garden (it's summer here at the mo). He has activities in all these places so he can always be entertained.

Up til now he hasnt watched much tv at all. But I do have a Baby Einstein Old Macdonald Farm DVD that runs for 30 mins and he loves this. So it is another tool up my sleeve.

A friend has also given me a Moby wrap which hopefully DD will take to (DS hated being in a sling!!) They can be used for BF too so Im hoping I can utilise this and BF her if DS needs me at the same time.

Advice ive been given is to try and get a routine established asap. May be easier said than done as it depends on the lo when they arrive :roll: But I guess the key is to be organised as best you can.

You will cope! The way I look at it is that the first year WILL be tough but it will be worth it having them so close in the long run. With your DS being 23months when No. 2 arrives, you can involve them a lot more too as they understand more at that age. Start thinking about a nice gift they can give the baby and that the baby can give them.

Hope some of that helps x

Shimmsie · Jan 6, 2011 6:18AM

That is really helpful. Thank you so much. I have to admire you for having a new born and a 14 month old! Perhaps you could post something in a few weeks when things have settled down just to say how you are doing?

Many thanks again for replying.

C.x

Sunflower81 · Jan 6, 2011 7:20AM

You will cope! This time last year I had all the same worries about how I'd manage, with the same age gap as you describe - and a fantastic but strong willed toddler! By the time dd was a three weeks old, I was getting all of us out of the house earlier in a morning than I had been when I was pregnant, don't ask me how (bags packed the night before and a military style operation), but it's been so much easier than I expected.

Dd is breastfed too, and that's also been fine - although I will admit that during the cluster feeding in the evenings from around 2-6 weeks I'd have struggled to get ds ready for and into bed if hubby hadn't been there to help. I also admit I've been known to resort to CBeebies to occupy ds while I'm feeding dd - but at other times he'll happily play and amuse himself, as long as I make sure there are appropriate toys to hand in the living room. He quickly learnt I couldn't drop everything while she's feeding - and I have been known to do jigsaws with him one handed while feeding her. She was ebf (and still is breastfed) until we started weaning at 24 weeks, so it is doable.

She's 6 months old now, and I had the same leaving the house worries this week as we've just introduced breakfast - but with a lot of prep the night before we've been out on time again, even earlier the first day! She was ebf (and still is breastfed) until we started weaning at 24 weeks, so it is doable.

Honestly, you will learn to adapt, just like you did when you had your ds - and I've found the addition of no2 a lot less of a shock to the system than having my first baby. Also remember that your ds will be 7 months older when baby arrives and that can make a big difference, especially in terms of his understanding and what he can do for himself. One tip would be to get him used to doing some things for himself before baby arrives - taking shoes off, getting up and downstairs with supervision - and nearer the time get him used to you not being immediately available when he wants something, so he doesn't connect it with the baby once it's here.

Ds was already in a routine, and dd has pretty much had to fit in around it - but now she's starting to need more routine of her own, but ds is now old enough to adapt a bit more.

Good luck - and try not to worry x

jen24 · Jan 6, 2011 9:55AM

Great question, i too am worrying about this so will be keeping a close eye on this post. Im 27weeks pregnant there will be a 19month age gap, im really worrying now hope i will cope.

It doesnt help when people are constantly telling you how hard its going to be! rant over lol xx

Anyway great thread. xx

WoWbabies · Jan 6, 2011 11:27AM

u will cope! ds is 21months and dd is 3 weeks...right up til the day i had her i was worried about how i/we would cope, but it does just fall into place. ds was a 'bit of handful' always on the go and not a fan of being dressed/bum changed, but since dd hasrived he's calmed down, i don't know how or why, but he has...also i'm bf too and ds is generally very good, 70% of the time he'll come up and sit next to me (as close as he possibly can) and just have a cuddle (although sometimes he likes to try and copy dd feeding and puts his face next to hers and blows a raspberry on my boob!)and perhpas his fave program on (peppa pig), the other 30% he just carrys on playing with his toys or...the only thing i'm finding tricky is that as i had a cs i can't lift ds in and out of his cot, but we've just had to work round that, and it'll nly be another couple of weeks til completely back to 'normal'....i totally agree with sunflower, no2 arriving has been a lot less difficult than i thought, the way soem people went on i thought we'd literally ahve a nightmare for the first month or so, but it's been generally very enjoyable, only had one 'difficult' day and that was tuesday when she woke at 11pm monday night and didn't go back to sleep until 6am, then ds woke at 6.30am! if baby happens to sleep when ur lo has a nap, then take full advantage and get ur head down too, u never know when that extra little sleep will come in handy xx

Phoenix_05 · Jan 6, 2011 4:07PM

This thread is good...my baby is due in July when ds will be 16 months. I'm bricking it a bit as to how to manage the two, as I intend to ebf again. Ds is generally very good, but I don't want to inadvertently take advantage of that and him to feel pushed out.

Sunflower81 · Jan 6, 2011 4:36PM

Just to add, I might be missing something, but I've never really understood the thought that breastfeeding makes it harder - washing and sterilising bottles would take up more time that could be spent with either child, and it still takes time and attention to feed the baby however it is fed. I appreciate that someone else can do it, but in reality, after paternity leave, most mums will be alone with the children for most of the day anyway, and therefore have to do the feeding themselves.

A friend of mine did stop after a week or so as she felt she should be able to go to her older dd as soon as she needed her, then it took quite a bit of fussing to get the baby latched on again, which I can understand - but for me the fussing only lasted the first couple of weeks, when hubby was home to help with ds anyway.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say 'you must breastfeed', just that I've been doing it for 27 weeks while looking after a toddler and it's been fine, please be reassured. My first struggled with his latch and would regularly take 20 minutes to an hour to latch on for the first 6 weeks, and no I couldn't have kept that up if he was my second baby and I had someone else to think about, but actually it's been fine and you might be too xx

pom01 · Jan 7, 2011 3:51AM

I have 17 months between my 2, with the youngest now being 7 weeks.

My oldest LO has been really good. She was pretty insecure while i was pregnant, but once the baby came she has settled down again.

Advice i would give is to get your LO used to walking next to you, climbing stairs etc on their own as that makes life so much easier.

With feeding im BF and my LO is in general quite happy to play with her toys or come up for a cuddle. I thought feeding the baby would be difficult but its actually not too hard.

Good luck - its the most amazing thing in the world seeing your toddler kiss and cuddle their new baby brother/sister completely makes your heart melt!

Shimmsie · Jan 7, 2011 6:51AM

Thanks everyone. I probably won't be wholly convinced until I have the both of them here. However, it is good to know that it is possible. I just need to get organised!!!

Thanks again.

c.x

Laura-N-Lucy-N-James · Jan 7, 2011 7:10AM

I'm due in March and there will be 29 months between Lucy and this little man and i am terrified at how i will cope too. I'm so excited, but the thought of how i will cope with the two of them once hubby has gone back to work is definatley the overriding feeling at the moment!

Laura x

Worrying about how I will cope with no.2

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