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For those who chose to be a SAHM?


I am considering leaving my job in the city to be a full time mum to my 15 month old. I just wanted to hear from SAHM's on the pros and cons of this. Do you intend to stay at home until your LO starts school or is it because you have a baby and a toddler etc? My concerns are that I will be bored, my little boy won't be stimulated enough just being with me and so on.

Thanks in advance for your replies.



  • im a SAHM, have been for 2 years. my son is 2 on 23rd and my second due in may, and i wont be having anymore.

    there are pro's and con's just like working, and you have good/bad days. for me the ONLY big con is lack of money. i dont miss working but that said i no i will go back when my kids are in full time school. my son will go nursery 2x a week next month till he starts school, and i will do same for my second. and thats for develpoment/social reasons.although you dont have too, there are toddler groups too, ect. my lil con is ai do miss adult company at times and the useing my brain for other things. BUT the pro's i get to be with my kids all time, see them doing everything,enjoy those early years ect.
  • I'm a SAHM mum not out of choice but because I couldn't actually afford to return to work - cost of childcare & travel was more than I would earn, so I had to stay home. I'm now expecting our second so would have had to give up work anyway. I loved being a SAHM until recently - not saying I hate it - but finding it hard being pregnant and having a terrible 2s toddler to deal with! We're looking into a nursery for him.

    Having said that my mum isnt bothered about seeing us (despite living round the corner) none of my friends are local, hubby works away all week and takes the car and there are no toddler groups near us so I'm very isolated - so long as you have a good network of friends/family then it will be fine. I'll be a SAHM until the two kids are both in school.

    It can be hard, but then again so can work! The thought of having to leave him 12 hour days (as my old job would have been with travel thrown in) 5 or 6 days a week was just unbearable.
  • Hey,

    I'm a SAHM for much the same reasons as garfield.

    Its hard work much the same as working and having children i expect! My oldest daughter started school in Sept, my youngest was three in nov and im currently 9+3 weeks pregnant.

    Sometimes its really boring, othertimes its non stop! No days are ever the same.

    I dont drive which is a major pain, My mum lives 5 miles up the road and has been to my house 5 times in the last 4 years! so i dont really have much support from her. All the rest of my family live 300 miles away from me. I dont have a great network of friends they kind of disappeared over the years, i guess now i have children im not so much fun!

    We do however have a really good local playgroup!

    I love my children and wouldnt swap them for the world!

  • wow! you ladies are same as me. i dont drive and live in kent, although its not so rural were i am, i do sometimes feel isolated but i do have toddler groups near me, but cant get to soft play areas as its a 2 mile walk-train-20 min walk!

    ??5.oo bus far for two trips there and back too to go anywhere! although one or 2 shopping centres within 2 mile walk. i do no a few mums up here but dont see often. shame we dont all leave by eachother?!
  • I'm SAHM by choice. I had quite a demanding career before but always planned to take time out when I had children.

    First thing I would say is the time goes so fast, can't believe i've been with my little man for 2 years already! Just shows how quickly they grow up and i'm so grateful to have shared as much of this time with him as possible.

    As with anything there are highs and lows, but for me being a SAHM has been a wonderful experience overall.

    As mentioned before you need to build up a support network of other mums and family as otherwise you would be quite isolated. Just means getting out and about to groups to meet other mums.

    At times it can be repetitive and boring but then there are negatives when working too! My job was neverending and stressful at times and honestly i'd rather have a bit of boredom sometimes!

    I haven't missed much about my job except for more breaks and money! Sometimes I think it would be nice to have a change of scenary from being with ds, so a day working could offer that. Luckily I have family that will help out if I really need it though.

    In terms of other stimulation, as long as they are mixing with other los sometimes and getting out and about they will get that. I'm pregnant again so am planning on putting ds in nursery for a few mornings whilst i'm with baby and now he is older I feel he is more ready.

    I know that when I eventually go back to work, I will look back at this time as one of the most wonderful and treasured experiences of my life. So I know i've made the right decision for both of us!

    It's a very personal choice and has to work for both of you. Hth x
  • Wow, that was long! :lol:
  • Hi,

    Thank you ladies for your replies, I find it really interesting hearing about your experience as a SAHM. There are pros and cons, like anything in life I guess. Hopefully, the pros outweigh the cons though. I am going to give it a go and see how I get on. There are parent and toddler groups nearby and play facilities etc but I don't want to be doing that all of the time! It is striing a balance I suppose.

    Thanks again
  • I am the same with not wanting to go to organised groups all the time, it can get too much. Once you've met a few mums, you can arrange meet ups and playdates which I prefer tbh! x
  • When I am not on mat leave, I work part-time (3 days a week -one is a saturday night though) and when I go back I will be about ??30 a month better off than I would be if I didn't work (childcare for 2 kids is pricey!) but for me, it's well worth it to get a few days as a real live grown-up, although that is probably because I LOVE my job. I imagine I would feel differently if I hated it.

    Don't get me wrong, I love the 3 days I spend with the girls - but for me, 3 days is enough! Abby loves nursery as well, and it's done so much for her development/social skills (again, if she hated it, and didn't seem to get anything from it, I'd probably feel differently).

    For us, this set-up works really well, but I know some people hate working part-time (they feel guilty for going to work AND guilty for spending time at home). So all you can do is try it and see what happens, if you miss working (and your kids drive you mad!) or if you struggle financially, you can go back, if you love it, and it works for you - then brill.
  • Yeah I've just realised how glum I made it sound! Its not like that at all; just struggling at the mo with being pregnant & not sleeping - though had a wonderous 4 hours the other night! Was shocked!

    I LOVE being at home with him, and love my son to bits; can't wait for the new addition either, though he is getting a bit bored because there isn't a lot to do near us which is why we're looking into nursery. If I wasn't pregnant I'd try and get a part time job to fit in with his nursery hours - even if I just broke even on his nursery fees it would be fine by me, but of course with another one due in 15 weeks thats not possible! I do miss work for the adults, but there are so many things I am so proud of him for that I would not have missed for the world. xx
  • I am a SAHM, though like so many it seems, because the job I did pre-children (Chef) meant un-sociable, long hours for rubbish pay.

    So the decision by myself and my OH was that I'd stay at home when ds1 arrived.

    Because of this, we decided that we would have another baby relatively soon after. (18 month gap)

    This way, I get the sleepless nights, teething, and terrible 2's over with!!

    I don't miss work at all. (I can cook for un-appreciative people at home :lol: ) But, I do miss the adult interaction.

    I try to visit friends, toddlers groups and get out and about. Good weather helps!!

    I think it is a fabulous, rewarding job.

    Bloomin' hard work for zero pay, holiday or sick days... but the best decision I could have made for my family. xx
  • here here! image
  • I went back to work part time when ds was 8 months old, hated it and only stuck it 4 months before leaving to become a SAHM - and I loved my job! The commute was over an hour each way, and the days were 9-5.30 with no flexibility, which did contribute to my decision.

    It's not right for everyone, but I love being a SAHM, I want that time with my children, seeing them develop, seeing their milestones (although both rolled and ds crawled when I was out of the room!!). 18 months (and another baby) on, I don't regret my decision. On the practical side, I don't know when we'd eat if I was at work (although people seem to manage) - when I was at work I was going out at 7.45 and getting home at 6 (with work allowing me to leave half an hour early as a trial thing), ds would have already eaten and we'd eat when he went to bed at 8, not sure how we'd keep that up with two children - and my mum was looking after him at my house, not really fair on her either by the time she got home, and nursery would've meant longer days out of the house.

    I would be bored, and so would the children, if we were in all the time, but we're not - we go to toddler groups, soft play, swimming lessons, to see my mum etc, even a supermarket shop can be an activity - I do see other adults most days, and if it was just me I don't think ds (2.5) would get enough stimulation, but it's not just me, he's mixing with others all the time. Sure start children's centres are brilliant for free activities, and it is nice to have to odd day without going out, to do baking, painting, even dusting is fun apparently!

    It might not be for everyone, but it's the right thing for us.

    I hate hate hate having to think what to make for dinner every day, and the last hour before hubby gets in can be hard work, trying to make dinner while occupying hungry children, but that wouldn't be very different if I was working!
  • we do toddler groups, park and play at home. i dont no laot of mums here,and when weathers crap.. i feel it. my husband leaves house at 530am until 8pm, so its all me, i do dinner for all of us for 5 and hubbie heats his up when gets in. carson usually very good at occupying self whilst i do tea, although going to harder when baby arrives in may! still wouldnt have it any other way, in fact if iw orked it would be a rush in evenings to get all done, tea, bath, bed ect. my mum did it, and i dont no how.
  • I've been a SAHM since my son was born nearly 6 years ago (with a year's interlude when I worked as a Teaching Assistant!) and I love it!! DS is now at school but we also have a nearly 3 year old DD so we spend our days in girly bliss lol! I try to work it so that we have something organised (toddler group/ gym tots/ play and stay/ swimming/ playdates/ messy play) for half of every day and then we do whatever we fancy for the other half of the day. This ranges from trips to the park to her helping me do the washing/ cleaning/ cooking. I feel so lucky to have been able to see all of their "firsts" and had these early years with them plus I have a job that I can get back into once she starts school next year. The cons for me are that I feel like I've just been someone's mum for the last 6 years, and have lost a bit of my identity along the way plus not having my "own" money anymore. Don't get me wrong, OH is more than generous and never complains if I buy something but at times like Christmas and Birthdays I do feel like he's buying his own pressies iyswim :lol:

    Best job in the world though the amount of work involved is totally underestimated by anyone who's never done it!

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