Toddler rejecting her daddy! *Long, but please read. Advice needed!!*

Hi all,



I'm really hoping someone might be able to give me some advice on this subject.



I have a 23 month little girl and basically for the last 9 months or so she has become very uncooperative with my husband. It's since she has been able to think for herself really.

When my husband comes home from work she doesnt want to know and cries for me. When he walks into a room with her in and tries talking to her, she cries for me. Pretty much anything he tries to do with her, she'll reject him and say no. We do have good days where she wants her daddy, but they are very few and far between and we haven't had one for a while now.



I also have a 16 week old little boy and its getting to the point now where my husband is giving up trying with our little girl and spending his time with our son. I can imagine if this carries on for much longer that he will end up favouring our son, which I don't want.

He has tried so hard with her and he's even gone as far to say how heartbreaking it is that he cant even talk or play with his own daughter. I can imagine how he must be feeling

as I would be devastated if it were the other way round.



To top it all off our relationship is becoming strained each time this happens. I can only imagine how he must be feeling, but I'm also exhausted from having to do all the looking after, etc.



Things are worse than what it sounds like on here as it's hard to explain in a message, but I'm hoping someone may have had a similar experience that can give me some advice on what we can do to get my daughter to want her daddy!



Thanks so much in advance



Julie

Posts

  • Hi,



    Thank you for your reply. When I'm not around and my husband has the children things are absolutley fine. It's when we're all together when the problem is, which is sadly when it should be the best time.



    I do like your idea about them spending time on their own though, will suggest that to the hubs.



    I dont think she's quite capable of communicating how she feels yet. She talks all the time, but when I ask whther she likes her daddy, she said no but didn't reply when I asked why. I asked again 5 minutes later if she liked her daddy and said yes so I can;t quite get much out of her just yet.



    Thanks again for your reply



    x x
  • Just coming from the opposite direction - do you spend any mummy-daughter time without your son around? It may be that this is her way of demanding your attention after your baby arrived and whilst you were heavily pregnant. There is a 21 month gap between my two and Charlie spent 3.5 months in Great Ormond Street so I was away from home quite a lot during that time. Abby was brilliant with my OH during that time and they had a wonderful relationship. However whenever I was home she was very clingy to me.



    At the moment we are havng the same problem with Charlie. I work FT and my OH looks after the kids 1x a week. During that day Charlie adores his father and they all get on fine. However every morning I leave for work with Charlie hysterical in his father's arms or on the floor refusing comfort. He is going through a big "mummy" phase but we know he'll get there eventually.



    TBH I know it's really frustrating for you both but it is just a phase. Continue spending time together as a family and allow her the comfort she craves from you. A happy, contented child will relax and get there eventually.



    H xx
  • hmmm i was thinking similar to the above really?

    It could be that she is wanting attention, particularly if when she cries for you with daddy in the room you go to her? She could also be picking up on the atmosphere it is creating with you and hubby and playing on it, i'm sometimes shocked at just how devious my lo appears to be! she may see its hurting daddy by his reaction and she sees that reaction as a way of getting attention.

    Alternatively i would have said have some daddy and daughter time but it sounds like you're already doing that? Does hubby take her out on his own, I know that worked for my hubby and daughter when she went through the same phase when she was younger?

    Another thing that I have noticed my daughter doesn't like is the tome of voice my hubby uses. He's a manager and tends to speak in a particular tone sometimes regardless of who he's talking to iykwm lol, he doesn't do soothing! So it may be that hubby needs to listen to the tone he uses with your daughter, maybe some basic things like getting down on eye level? My lo gets very frustrated when daddy seems to be paying more attention to something other than her, he has a nasty habit of playing on his phone when he should be playing with her lol.

    So, she's looking for attention but which one of you she wants it from is anyones guess! Maybe you and daddy spend a day with her on her own if you can get a babysitter for lo?
  • That's so hard, I really feel for your partner - and for you as it is horrible to see. My son is definitely a mummy's boy & I will only do for certain things, but nothing like you are experiencing. However my son has been like this since about 17 months so it could have started with a similar phase like my son is going through but due to you then being heavily pg & having a newborn to cope with it may have worsened due to your daughter adjusting to being a big sister.



    I would agree that it is a phase, but that doesnt make it much easier to cope with. I think the other posters may be quite right about your daughter wanting one on one time with you, could you see if you could try to have something on that just you & your daughter do together, perhaps a weekly group? Also, have you tried doing something the three of you - leaving your son with a grandparent for a few hours? I know it's not ideal but it might help just for a short time?



    I can totally understand you feeling frustrated being the main carer, it must be hard on both of you. Could your OH not take responsibility for some more non-child related tasks like laundry or meals to take some of the pressure off you both?



    X



    Xx
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